Sanity - Optional

Each morn, droves of our kind are herded like cattle
Into gargantuan, forbidding concrete structures,
Into the swarming corridors that will determine their fate,
Into dim artificial light, poorly circulated air, and the scent of decay.
Such is our existence.

The foulest of all creatures roams these halls
Haunting our steps
Stalking our shadows
Waiting for his moment to pounce
“I think we lost him”
Thus are the last words of our first companion to be lost,
His name forever recorded in the creature’s heinous device.

The Broken file into the rooms,
Hopeless, resigned to their fate.
Allowing their malevolent masters mold their minds
Forcing conformity and obedience.
When it ends, they are tested.
Those that pass move on to “greater” things.
Those who fail, doomed to continue there.

When our midday sustenance has come at last
We are beckoned to the center space by the buzzing summons
Buzz, buzz, buzz
Here, our ranks divide to the diverse species kept prisoner:
The Strange, The Average, The Strong, The Weak, The Beautiful, and The Homely.
Separate, as they keep us, we are weak
United, we will never be

Then comes a chance to strike a blow,
Against our oppressors,
And those who serve them.
“I will go,”
They whisper in bleak acceptance,
Insolently flinging back the foul provisions,
Into the hole from whence it came.
The creature swoops in,
And our second is lost, self-sacrificed for the good of his comrades.

Ultimately, only two remain
Who have the courage to face the foe,
And will give all to be free
Inevitably, they grow attracted to one another,
Giving them each one more thing to fight for.

Thereafter comes the final trial.
The tests are grueling and painful,
Many cannot surpass their struggles,
But those who do reap great rewards.

In the end,
After the threat is destroyed,
After the explosions have stopped,
After finally escaping where it once seemed impossible,
After mourning the lost,
After the ceremonies and celebrations cease,
True love prevails,
And hair escapes unscathed.

Author notes

A Whitman-esque poem I had to write with a group for a class. We were trying to take our daily highschool lives and mesh it with all the bad sci-fi/fantasy cliche's out there such as sacrificing oneself, the protection of "true love", perfect hair WILL save your butt, and the dude who panics always goes first. lol

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • k3nny silver member
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is cool...

    The visualisation is not bad. I like this kind of sci fi story made into a poem. It looks kinda romanesque or just imaginative. I like that your work is devoid of spelling errors. I'd just advise you to try change the many after in the ending paragraph. Most would not be needed.

    Anyway, this was nice.

    Good Luck in my contest!


    • Scriber
      June 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks! ^__^ Like I said in the notes, it was a group thing, so I can't take full credit for it. lol


  • Andyschism
    June 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Reminded me of the ALIEN action figure comics you would get in the boxes and how they would go into the hives. Very dark and slow at first, visuals of people marching to their doom regardless of what tools they brought

    • Scriber
      June 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      There's alot of inside jokes in there like,"The foulest of all creatures roams these halls... His name forever recorded in the creature’s heinous device." Is a jab at our assistaint pricipal who would follow people around with a Palm Pilot, trying to catch people breaking the rules. "beware the PDA," became a sort of joke among the students. lol