She looked downwards innocently. The ripples caressed a nude physique. She was covered by a white blanket, yet her cheeks flushed. A masculine hand reached to stroke the youthful skin and tuck silky wisps of hair behind her ear. The blanket slipped down. Finally she spoke, "No Daddy, please don't drain the tub."1
Author notes
The assignment was to write an entire story in no more than 55 words.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Very creative. Very witty and imaginative. The ending rounded the story off well, and brought a smile to my face, reminding me of bath times with me, my children and their dad. Very nicely done. Hope all is well with you my sweet. I've missed your signature here and there. Do take good care!
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This was really funny.
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wow very cute wasnt expecting that
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This had a lot of subtle innuendo that made this verge on sexually perverse, and aside from the use of the word 'ripple' earlier in the paragraph- it does seem to allude to something incestuous and wrong.
The twist was good, but could have been stronger had the word 'ripple' not appeared so early. It's easily associated with water, and not so easily associated with bed. -
LOL nice twist, Perfectly formed and masterfully executed. I am sure some newspaper over here (UK) prints short stories such as these.
A joy to read
Take care
Hayley x x -
ALWAYS WEAR YOUR SEATBELT!!!
Whoa, see, when I read, I can see words in the next line, and that's how I read so fast... I can read like 2 sentences at once (see, you KNEW I was messed up, just not HOW...
). Anyway, I saw the "No, Daddy," in the next line while I was still reading the line above it, and I was going to say "OMG I don't want to read about child rape!" But then I finished and I got what you meant... it was kewl! I like how you wrote this story in so few words... really captured the imagination. 
Keep writing!
Kate
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Well constructed and, i think, complete. It has the mystery needed to draw in the reader and keep attention. It wraps up in the final statement yielding a “surprise”...i liked it. Thanks for posting this and letting me comment~richard
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First of all, your message was really funny because I remember looking down thinking "bedsheets?..", anyways I liked reading this and it was a very interesting write. Do they not have a short story category up here because this was very good... (I'm new to Storywrite...) Anwyays I liked reading this and you did a very nice job for writing a story in those few words. This story can be taken many ways, what were you writing about? Nice write.
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