There is a girl with long black hair and bright green eyes 1
In the back of the classroom 2
Who laughs and talks and plays with many friends 3
And has a well-known sweetness. 4
Everyone knows her as 5
'The kind and fun one'. 6
Everyday, she puts on a smile 7
And gives herself a great personality. 8
This is the life she hides behind. 9
This is her 'poser' life. 10
The truth is, 11
She isn't really this happy 12
She isn't really this carefree 13
She isn't really this friendly 14
She doesn't really feel this loved 15
To her, life is Hell. 16
She can't feel emotions 17
or anything else. 18
She can't even return love, kindness, or sincerity. 19
At night in the concealment of her room, 20
She cuts herself 21
And cries herself to sleep. 22
Her parents neglect her 23
And beat her 24
And treat her- 25
Like an animal. 26
Then one day, 27
Her mom and dad got drunk 28
And started fighting. 29
During the argument, her dad pulled out a knife 30
And stabbed her mom dead. 31
As her mom dropped to the floor, 32
Her dad cleaned her blade 33
And then called her name. 34
She slowly came down the stairs. 35
Her dad drove the knife through her heart. 36
A beautiful feeling consumed her. 37
She knew what was happening. 38
She was dying. 39
Tears of happiness dripped from her face. 40
The pain was finally over. 41
As her vision became fuzzy, 42
Her breathing ceased. 43
Her body shut down. 44
She fell to the floor, 45
Dead.
A contest entry
- Poets/Storywriters 16 and Under. by kierancluchey.
250 points, ended June 29, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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WOW!!!!! That was soooooooo sad!!!!! You totally made me feel the emotion in the story....You had me wanting more...The end really fits the story....I LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Very riveting story, kept me on the edge of my seat. For a while there, the child almost seemed emo, and hated the world for no reason, and let me tell you, I HATE KIDS that do that, like you're f'ing 13 and want to die when you're life is so good compared to others. But it all changed as soon as we got to know her family. Excellent story, but it doesn't give off the feel of a poem. Great work, keep writing!
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oh my gosh..Sad! so sad..but i don't hate it...i actually think its good..its a good depressing poem..good job
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This was so sad. Nice job on making the poem into a short story it told a lot of the girl's life in a short amount of words and it was really... hmm.. *the right word to say*... realistic.
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Very sad and...there's a lot of emotion in this, I really think you did a good job! You did well on telling the story in poem form, good luck to you in writing!
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very powerful closing to this.
the fact that you ended with the single word "dead" really is an attention grabber and i love that it just kind of resonates if you read it out loud.
the story that you are able to tell through this is an amazing one that is so easy to identify with. and then that ending just gets you. my heart was bleeding for the poor girl by the end!
very artfully crafted work!
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