Come With Me

It's been nine years and twenty nine days since you left us, but moreso, left me. Years of various feelings and constant tears, has now lead me here. Still holding you in my every movements with the quivering beats of my heart and the bouncy thoughts in my head.

The years of various feelings and constant tears tells a story in itself. The anger in throwing objects of all sorts and speaking shameless syllables made a monster within. Who knew suicide could create such a catastrophe to oneself?

Your depression, dear father, still makes me sad. Remembrance of my past depression unfolds a tiny world of darkness that held only me. The world held me, but revolved around you. Your smile, your photos, and your music. I'd hear your laugh now and again, breaking me to pieces that lay on the damp ground. I succumbed further in the humidity of deep sadness, with a melody of your favorite song playing, furthering the downfall.

Suicide became my next solution. I wanted to be near you, to be with you, where ever you are. I'd attempted with great hopes to see you again, because that's how deep my pain and longing was. The possibility to feel safe with you around again, even if it's just us, was comforting. It would be just like before, you and me, against the world, and forever close. But attempts never succeeded; I had to deal with that factor on my own. Kept it in my heart and soul to this very moment.

The pretty face that is similar to yours, streak with tears when I remember the good times, missing you with every inch of my soul. Knowing you can't provide any more than you already have aches my sides and I try to break a smile, to make everything a bit brighter, if possible.

Today, in this moment, I listen to a lonely song and think of you. I tell you in thoughts and before I sleep that you are coming with me now and forever in the future. I'm bringing you to my days of happiness, of sadness, of new experiences. That, I know, keeps you going on with me. And one day, I hope you come with me, and I can feel your very presence.