I sit in the silence of my cold room. At my table, in front of me, lie fifteen or so pills, pills with blue spots, a pile of cocaine, three razorblades and a pack of cigarettes. I contemplate which will kill me faster.
Cold steel has always managed to work it’s charms on my heart, and eventually my wrist, yet, it seems too cliché.
The blue spotted pills…they taste sour as they go down my throat. I can always feel them break down in my stomach. I glare at them, never have I glared at one thing with such intensity, with such contempt. Well, now that I think about it, I have. I didn’t mean to. He was just standing there; I guess I remember it more than I said I did. I suppose…I don’t hate you, I guess I envy you. Having everyone know, it basically blows (please ignore the rhyme). I just wish you looked at me the way you do him.
I’m sorry, off topic.
Where was I?
The cocaine, if you can all it that. Heh, its ghetto cocaine, some pills (some of the before mentioned pills, and others I stole from my parents). I feel tired after each line I do. Makes cutting easier.
The pack of cigarettes, that’ll be gone in an hour. They don’t kill; they just remind me that I’ll be alone with no one to talk to.
I glare now at the pictures on my wall, worthless memorabilia. My little brother when he was two months old, sleeping, with a bottle propped up, still in his mouth. A “Kings of Pain” poster, featuring the members of My Chemical Romance next to a Pete Wentz picture, the supposed ‘make out king’. I’ve got one up on him. I really don’t like people like him. The “I’ll do anything when I’m drunk”-type of people.
I don’t deserve anything. Not his “love”, not hers. I don’t even know why she said yes. I don’t deserve yes.
I really should make up my mind.
How about a combination.
That would work.
First I do two lines, then I take ten of the pills, the other five aren’t loved, I try taking them all at once, almost killing myself (pun intended). Now for the razorblades: two cuts (that lead to seven) on my wrist, then thirty on my left leg.
The blood. So much. I stop the bleeding.
Regain consciousness again. NOW.
My breathing is staggered. My head spins
My bed attempts to consume me. I can hear my wounds cry.
Shaking now.
I take a cigarette out, light it. I can feel the smoke fill me, escaping out the cuts.
Sleep, shh…don’t worry.
Never again, will they have to worry about me.
Sleep…
{End 10:10 pm}
Author notes
Never Again
Kelly Clarkson
My December
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Wow...
Such emotion and meaning. I love it... -
I keep re-reading this more and more..
and I keep loving it... more and more.
and more and more and more...
i would give you three million and eight hundred and FOUR clappies.
but alas, i cannot. i shall give you three.
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Christopher, i know you wont get this till you get home but please.. Please dont do this to yourself, you are worthsomething, your worth so much we care about you all of us and i know that life can hurt and life can be a pain in the ass but please dont do this to yourself... please dont.. just.. please...
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you[re an idiot. we love you christopher, so stop hurting yourself.....
i's good, though...i just don't want you tohurt/attemp to kill yourself... -
The song inspired you to write this? That's the reason I clicked n this in the first place, the title. I am in love with that song, at the moment.
It's weird to me...how everyone gets inspired to write different things to the same stuff, you know? Well, maybe it's just me.
I wrote a story, inspired by the song, but you and I have written two different things. But, maybe you took some of this and based it off of your own life, if not all of it.
This was good though, very depressing, and kept my attention. It could have used a tiny bit more details though. More details to make me feel his pain, and see what he was seeing.
Over all, you did well on this. I enjoyed reading.
You're on my friends thingy...I will have to remind myself to send you some kind of message one day...
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no it was just playing when i began to write this...
i thought i sounded cool...so i just put it in the note thing and title
i, too, love that song!it's fucking awesome -
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Oooohh okai!!
& Yeah, the song roxx
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Wow... this gave me chills at the end. The whole thing was so emotional wand it was just... wow. I really liked how you said:
"I guess I remember it more than I said I did. I suppose…I don’t hate you, I guess I envy you."
This is something I never consider when I think I hate someone... I never think I might actually envy them...
Anwho, awesome job. I really like it!
~Kevan!~
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thank you...yeah, just somethings i realized as i got completely fucked up...
heh...god, i'm depressing...
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Wow. I love this. It has such an emotion and intensity and slight humor...>_>...unless that is just me.
Anyway, great job.
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it's not just you...i seriously was just laughing at myself...and now that i've grown up a little bit, i look back at this and laugh.
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i like the writing technique...it's very good. however, you know how i feel about the content....talk to me...please.
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talking isnt going to work
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i don't care....talk to me anyways
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if you insist..what shall we converse about?
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*attacks you*
YOU QUIT THAT FUCKING SHIT!
I'll get you so dome-stoned you wont wanna do anything but dance naked and jerk yourself off.
BUT I CANT DO THAT IF YOU FUCKING KILL YOURSELF.
GAWD.
*huggles you close*
please -
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masturbation? you promise?
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idk
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you are a very effective writer.
these kinds of things help... before hand is better though.
if u wanna talk. i'm always here.
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thanksyas
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