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Chapter 1

“Because!” Sean said.

“Because why?” I replied.

“Because I want to know…”

He was being quite persistent. He persuaded by bribing me to tell him, that if I did, he’d say those three words.

“If I say those three words, will you tell me then?” He asked.

“No.” I giggled a shy girl’s giggle.

“It’s so cute when you do that… I love it when you do that. But fine, I won’t say those three words unless you tell me. Even though I want to say them SO badly, I won’t because you won’t tell me.”

He told me this as if he could really keep it in that long. I knew him better than he thought I did, he wouldn’t be able to hold out. I held that simple power over him, ah the power of love.

Sean was absolutely sweet though. I loved everything about him. He stood at five feet eight inches, with brown hair, and robin’s egg blue eyes. He was somewhat built for a guy his height. He was at the same height as me, so all I had to do was look at him and I’d be gleaming into those beautiful eyes of his. My long brown hair always seemed to get in my face so he always had to brush it away.

All he wanted to know was what I had thought about him. We’d talk about when we went to sleep, what we thought about. He told me he thinks about me. Of course he thinks about me, if it wasn’t me, it’d probably be some other girl. He’d be dreaming those naughty dreams once again like all males…

I told him that I thought about him. And he wanted to know what I thought about him. I liked keeping it a secret because he got cuter as he begged. He was like a puppy, does all the cute things to receive his treat. In this case, my thoughts were golden bacon flavored biscuits to him. But I wouldn’t tell him because I was being shy, and it made me get this feeling inside, just the thought of him knowing what I thought.

I wanted so badly just to tell him I think about you holding me tight, beneath the stars, beneath the midnight moonlit sky. The warm breeze brushing across my shoulders, the warm feel of the pavement beneath my feet as we stand in the parking lot of the boating dock at the lake. I think about your lips pressing mine ever so lightly, with a quiet pop like a tiny bubble gum bubble sound as our lips parted. I thought about your fingers caressing my palm as you walked me to the sandy beach of the lake, submerging my toes into the wet sand, and every so often the rippling lake pushes the water just past the heel of my foot. I thought about your body grazing mine ever so slightly with your beautiful robin egg blue eyes looking down at me, wrapping a hand behind my back pulling me tight, tilting my chin up and kissing my cheek lightly, to tease me. But instead of going ahead and actually kissing me, you embrace me in one of the most loving hugs ever. And you hold me until we fall upon the sand, embezzled under blankets, me falling asleep on your chest until the sun comes up.

If that were to ever actually happen, I’d probably be too busy staring at the stars rather than in his eyes. I’d think I could see just fine, walk by the moonlight, and stumble over some rocks. I’d shiver in the warm breeze, due to the t-shirts I continuously wear. I’d most likely walk to the boating dock itself, and end up flailing over the edge into the water, kissing fish. Talk about the sound of one hundred and sixty pounds hitting hard core water. The ripples of the lake would turn into waves of the lake, and they’d engulf my head under, wrapping grass and fish around my ankles, embezzled in mud. That is, unfortunately, my luck and lacking ability of stability.

But I couldn’t tell him what I really thought about and what I wished would happen, because it gives me that feeling inside, the one I can’t explain. The one that gives me butterflies and sends me into another realm, a realm of pink hearts, mushy words, and fancy writing. The complete opposite of my “tom-boyish/I don’t care what people think of me/anything you can think of” self image.

“You’re being awkwardly silent again… but it’s SO cute!!!” He said to me. “I won’t be embarrassed if you tell me, I promise you that. I don’t get embarrassed.”

I just giggled. “I love that little girl giggle you have…”

He might as well say those three words, instead of reminding me every minute the little things he loves about me. At least, that’s what I was thinking anyway. But nothing ever goes as according to my thinking.

As I was just getting ready to say a little bit of what I had thought, he went ahead and said “I think about holding you to me. And kissing you…” I was just silent.

Alright, he can go first. Maybe, if he says what I’m thinking I can just agree and make everything the same.

While imagining it in my head, he went on, “… and then I kiss your neck… you know I could get dirty with this… I could go on, but I don’t think you want me to. I don’t think I want me to!”

I just giggled. And he let out a little laugh. So, that most certainly was not what I had expected. I’m not sure I could agree to that.

“You know what? I’m just going to say it anyway. I love you, Alexis.”

Didn’t I tell you? Yes, I did. I told you he couldn’t hold out. I had the power of love over him, love was on my side and he gave in easily without me even asking him to.

But hearing him say it, gave me butterflies all over. Inside and out, it made me giggle. “I love you too, Sean.” I said as best I could without sounding childish about it. But I couldn’t help it. I was just so nervous, but so in love that I wasn’t sure what to do. Unfortunately, love doesn’t grant insurance on kiddy voices, childish acts, stupid remarks, and dufus giggles.

“Your accent is so cute, that little southern one you have.”

“I don’t have an accent!” I argued.

“Yes you do, you just don’t notice it because you’re around people who talk like you all the time. It’s so cute though. I love it. You talk so cute. Why do you do that to me? It makes me wish even more to be right there with you, holding you, kissing you, doing who knows what else.”

All I could do was smile. I knew I wanted the same as him. He made me so happy, so complete. It was amazing how he made me feel. And of course, I let out yet another dufus giggle. Just my luck, I probably sounded like a laughing, babbling idiot. Love, one word, so many meanings, too much power. Enough said.

See, I’m only sixteen, and he’s already eighteen. He lives about a half hour away, but doesn’t have a car and can’t normally come see me. But the love between us, it was amazing, it was undying. And even though we were just a couple of kids, we knew we’d never forget each other, or be able stop loving each other. It was that powerful and amazing.

“Sean, do you want to know what I think?” I asked him.

“Most definitely… pwease tell me!!” It was so cute when he talked like that, given the circumstances. If he were to do it at any other time, I think it would be the time the ‘love insurance’ should kick in.

“I think about you holding me, under the moonlit sky, beneath all the stars, in the dark.”

“What about me holding you on a beach, under some blankets as the sun sets?” He was just playing off my imagination.

“I like the dark more… ha, ha.” I said. It was weird how our minds were basically the same. We thought along the same lines of our romance. It was so adorable. I wonder if he was thinking about love insurance and dufus giggles too…

“Well, I have to go. Byyyeeee….” He said.

“Bye Sean.” I told him. And he let a slight giggle shed his lips, then we hung up.

Since then, I haven’t talked to him. I’ve only written a poem about him, thought about him day and night. I’ve gone to sleep thinking about him, I’ve woken up thinking about him and I can’t get him out of my head. His thoughts rummage through my head, finding a place to stick themselves. His voice hums in my ears, finding a place to reside. His face lingers upon my eyelids, imagining themselves in front of me. He’s living through me.

It seemed like any other high school relationship in my eyes. However, he always managed to change my thought on that when I was with him.