I should have painted you on canvas.
I wasted my last one two weeks ago on a watercolor abstract, one of those angry clouds of green and red and black you used to hate so much. Layer upon layer of washed-out paint, just trying to see some texture, some depth, some sense of direction. It didn't work. I shoved it beneath the bed and its still there now, my last canvas, ruined. There's no way in hell I'm going to find the money to buy another.
You'll have to do with a sheet of lined notebook paper, wrinkled and curling at the edges with the weight of acrylic. Maybe you'd flatten out between the pages of the dictionary, or pressed into one of those terrible coffee table books you spent a fortune on back before we could afford coffee, or a table, or books.
But then again, maybe you wouldn't. Your corners might get bent the wrong way, or the color might drain out of your lovely brush-stroked face and into the words on the opposite page. Maybe I'd tear you when I took you out, leaving a ragged white streak in your perfect surface where the paint cracked. Maybe I'd forget all about you. You'd be there years from now, when I've finally got the money to leave this god-forsaken apartment and start over somewhere new, somewhere no one remembers you either.
Or maybe nothing would happen, and you'd come out smooth and straight-edged with pure, clean colors. Maybe you'd turn out perfect.
You'd be the only one who ever did.
I can't believe I care. I can't believe I'm sitting here at my easel, a cup of bitter-as-hell coffee steaming in my hand and your bitter-as-hell face smiling at me from a sheet of notebook paper, gritty, wrinkled, curling at the edges and painted in all the wrong shade of gray.
And I can't believe I used to think there was more to life that the colors on the canvas.
Author notes
Entry for option 3. This is one of my first attempts at flash fiction, so any criticism would be greatly appreciated.
A contest entry
- Follow The Trail (Listen To Your Heart) by Phantasmix.
100 points, ended May 24, 2007, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options galore... pls enter!!! by mydarlinghamburger.
175 points, ended May 29, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - What can your mind create? by LostShadow.
275 points, ended May 27, 2007, 34 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Watev!! by asthray.heart.
1100 points, ended June 20, 2007, 56 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Amaze Me!!! by tacobell4me08.
275 points, ended June 18, 2007, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me about the emotional impact this story had, if any.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Hmmmmmmmm
First off, let me say, a really nice piece. I really enjoyed this one.
However, I must agree with Blurith over the "one two three" thing (in the second line). It threw me a curveball too. However, I'm being picky and fussy. I've never tried anything like this either, and for one of your first attemtps, it was great.
Loved it, great job, keep up the excellent work. -
wow!! simply wow!! this was sooo beautiful!!
its just so touching......its strokes ur feelings, just lets u out of ur body into the emotions of the context!! i mean.....its just...i was wowed!!!
ur talking to something and about something so materialistic, but it seems u really really care and u expect replies and the way its written i felt i WAS inside the head of the person.......
brilliantly written.......i've never even tried this kind of thing (i guess i'm afraid it might not turn out that gud)
well.........all in all!! a brilliant read!!
CHEERS!!
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hey, you beat me out for gold in the contest, and it is certainly well deserved. Excellent write
The only line that threw me a curveball was: 'I wasted my last one two weeks ago on a watercolor abstract'
I guess seeing one two next to each other confused me a bit, had to read it twice, because my mind wanted to go, one two three... but maybe I'm just mentally slow
Just thought you'd like to know where the flow got disrupted for me, whether it is helpful or not. -
This was great! exactally what I was looking for! I am glad you entered this. This held my attention and it was relateable. It was a topic that everyone can basically understand. I liked your writing style. The descriptions were excellant. Kepp up the good work!... Good luck and thancks for entering.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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it's VERY emotionally impactful (agh that's not a word but..... ) I LOVE this.... I was all like when I read it! LOVE it! Keep it up; I MAY just read more of yours.... lol.
~*~goth&sweet - Bo~*~
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This story was awesome! I think it was right to be on the front page of story write. You are a very talented writer and I liked how much description you had. Good job! Keep writing
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This was very nice, thanks for entering.
it painted a great image within my mind, thanks for that.
Keep up the great work
Em
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Is this for My option 3? Or all the option 3's?
I really liked this story,. it really affected me, more than one would believe.
I really enjoyed reading it, and you painted a great image.
Keep up the good work
Thanks for entering my contest.
Good Luck
Frm MDH
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Excellent imagery and beautifully written. Nicely done! I like how you're speaking to the drawing. Fantastic for inspiration. Excellent job!
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Wow!
The emotional impact this story had, if any. Humm... Well, I have to say it makes me want to do some serious editing work on the last few things I've written. A beautifuly written piece, combining two areas of art; painting and written. Thanks for a great read.
beginning: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4.
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Very very beautiful, very very perfectly written. There's just not really anything to say other then 'perfect' because that's just what it is, perfect and moving.
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Wow ... very very lovely. That's truly impressive and .. as an artist, the feeling.. you've captured so much emotion I love the whole image of it so much.. this is a great piece.
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I'm sorry, I can't criticise something as beautiful as this... I honestly am amazed, and still taking in all the delightful descriptions you've put here Your first attempt was a very good one, I really loved reading how drawing or painting would appear to someone who badly wanted to paint or draw another person or an inspiration... *claps*
THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing this with us I greatly enjoyed reading this ^_^
Welcome to Storywrite
(Greeter)
P.S. If ever you are interested, there is an ongoing contest here by "Chemical Imbalance" and I really believe your story would fit it Thanks again!
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