The Picture
Little Anna stood on the cold attic floor and quietly examined the old picture. There was a woman sitting on a chair and reading a book while a man, apparently her husband, was standing by her side. There was a hidden look of sorrow on their faces.
It was not the beauty of the picture that kept Anna’s eyes focused on it. The two people were moving. Slowly, the woman was turning the pages of her book and the man was caressing her shoulder.
Naively believing that she had found something that would interest her parents, Anna ran down to the kitchen and handed the picture to her mother.
“Mommy, look!” she exclaimed, pulling her mother’s sleeve. “Mommy, the picture’s alive!”
Focused on the dishes and not even turning to face her daughter, Zoë snapped, “Yes, sure. Go play in your room.”
Unable to get her mother’s attention, Anna went to the living room. She jumped onto the sofa by her father and held the picture out.
“Daddy, look!” she said. “The picture’s alive!”
“Okay dear,” her father said, carefully reading the newspaper.
“Those people are real, aren’t they?” Anna asked.
“Of course,” her father answered, having no clue of what she was talking about.
Satisfied by sharing her discovery, Anna went to her room. She lay on her bed and said, addressing the couple in the picture, “Don’t be so sad. I’m with you now. I’ll always be.” She put the picture under her pillow and closed her eyes.
******
Two days have passed and Anna was not getting better. Zoë did not know what was wrong with her little daughter and neither did the doctors. Nobody could explain what happened. Everybody waited for a miracle.
Little Anna was found on her bed... asleep. They couldn't wake her up at the beginning and with time her temperature started raising. Something was wrong.
“Wake up,” whispered Zoë, tears running down her face… but the only response she got was silence.
Zoë stood up to straighten Anna’s pillow and, as her hand was under it, felt something hard. She pulled it out. It was a picture… a picture of a man... a woman... and a little girl sitting on a chair.
Author notes
Okay... this is for Option #3
I hope it'll do
A contest entry
- Plot Twists by werner1221.
140 points, ended June 1, 2007, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Original Options, Including Elvis & Area 51! by DoaDM.
175 points, ended July 12, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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:o!
nice story, great ending, it's short and sweet, and is a real good story. Thanks for the entry, and good luck! -
loved it. gj.
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Good story
Nice twist. If word count allowed or if you would like to make this more into a real story I would suggest more description of each character and maybe build up the relationship between the picture people and Anna. -
Nice shift in the story. Though I do agree with an earlier comment that the piece suffers a bit from the lack of characterization and setting. I realize that the story was limited by wordcount, but that seemed the largest weakness of the story.
For example, the emotional distress of Zoe isn't touching because we didn't know either Zoe or Anna. However, I liked the interactions between Anna and her parents - they were relaistic and realistic. Very enjoyable.
Also, perhaps the reasons behind what happened could be elaborate in subsequent revisions? Like more about how the parents do not quite seem to love Anna, and why she would want to escape to a strange couple in the picture. Or perhaps the the couple in the story are stealing Anna away.
The story leaves that as a mystery and as a read, I am very curious about that.
Again, great twist and wonderful idea. Best of luck in the contest.
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 1.
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Wow!
Very nice plot twist! I would suggest a slower build-up, though: make the reader really get into the story so that the twist is truely surprising and has a real emotional impact. To make the people in the painting feel more real, give some more details of what the like: exactly how are their expressions sorrowful? What do they look like--clothing, physical description, etc?
It's a little hard to understand why her parents don't notice the people moving. Can only Anna see them? How did the picture get in her attic in the first place? Details like that will help the story come alive.
Your descriptions are good, your characters believable, and your plot excellent, not to mention that amazing surprise ending. Just work on the technicalities, and this story would get an A+ from me!
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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Well... There was actually with a word limit and all so I simply couldn't get it any longer... or perhaps only by 10-20 words.
However, I will indeed work on the characters in the picture and give more detail but all that... after my As-levels
Wish me luck.
Thank you for the sweet and honest comment, by the way.
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i think you get and A+++++ for this story
its so gooooooooooood
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