Meeting Mr. Louis

Prologue.

Hi. My name is Peyton Panera—yeah, like Panera Bread.

I’m eighteen, but could pass for 12.

I’m short with short, reddish hair and blue eyes.

I go to Malcolm High School in Malcolm, Missouri.

I’m an actress and tend to get myself entangled in melodramatic soap opera situations.

Aside from the droll of my overrated life, I have a great boyfriend of 2 years, and he is pretty much my life, his name is Adam.

I also have two best friends, there’s Anastasia who is my all-time best friend. She’s about as tall as I am and is probably the most hilarious person alive. She’s a bit of a jock, but not one of the “look at me, I’m perfect” kind.

There’s Bailey who is a bit to herself and extremely out there. She’s extremely addicted to Nirvana and books. She keeps me in check with myself when I’m about to completely trash my life or just makes it worse.

My friends are pretty much everything to me, they keep life interesting. I have a great life, a great boyfriend, great friends… who could ask for more?

Chapter 1.

“Pretty Freshman Girls && Hot English Teachers”

I walked down the hall and shuffled my feet. I’m a bit tired from not drinking caffeine this morning--I’m completely addicted to caffeine. I was about to walk into Mr. Husson’s class when I heard my name being called over the intercom --probably Aunt Ruth. Aunt Ruth is the guidance counselor at Malcolm R. Joseph High. No matter how much I loved her to death, she called me to her office far too much.

“Hey Aunt Ruth, what do you need this time?” I asked, plopping down in one of her chairs.

“Do I need an excuse to see my favorite niece?” She asked.

“Mmhmm.” I said, shaking my head.

“Oh fine.” She said, opening the door.

A handsome, dark haired man appears in the door. I almost dropped my jaw in complete amazement because this man was so completely gorgeous and I secretly wished inside my mind that I was single. I quickly shook the thought out of my mind and stood up to shake the man’s hand. His hand was so soft, so fitting in mine that I almost started screaming but I contained myself.

“Good morning.” The man said.

“G-Good morning.” I said.

“Peyton, this is Mr. Louis. He’s the new freshman-sophomore English teacher.” She told me.

“No offense, but why do I get a special introduction?” I asked.

“Well… Mr. Louis requested that he have an aide for his last period prep. I thought of you right away since you love English. He could tell you the in’s and out’s of college.” Aunt Ruth said.

That’s the only class I have with Adam! That’s like our make out class! I couldn’t leave Adam in there with all the pretty freshman girls. Shut up, Peyton. You are in love with Adam, he is in love with you. He’ll be fine, right? No, I couldn’t do that to Adam, he’d be mad at me. This is what I want to do for the rest of my life—English. He would understand. No, he wouldn’t. Yes, Peyton… think rationally, he wants what is best for you. No, I’m going to say no… I can’t do this.

“I’d love to!” I said.

Stupid girl.

I walked with him to his class and I was immediately hit with unfamiliar smells. Ms. Langley, the English teacher before him, always had this ancient, nursing home smell with a mix of Lysol and this smell was something I couldn’t put my finger on. I started to wonder off into my own little world when he pricked the silence with a question.

“So, that was your aunt we just talked to?” He asked, sitting on a desk.

“What? Oh, uhm… yeah. Aunt Ruth. Crazy lady.” I said, hurriedly. “Would you like a tour of the school?”

“Wait a minute there. I’d like to get to know you a little better.” He said, pulling a seat up next to him.

I was emotionally, socially, physically... yeah, you get the picture. I was freaked out. This teacher was far too comfortable and teenager-y for my taste. I began to feel a dry taste in my mouth and usually that means that I have to get a drink of water, but this time it just meant that I was scared shitless.

“Uhm… okay?” I said, sitting down.

“What year are you?” He asked.

“I’m a senior this year.” I answered.

“18?” He asked.

“Mmhmm..”I answered, confused.

“Why are you shaking, Peyton?” He asked.

“Because you’re a teacher and no teacher is this down-to-earth…especially at this school.” I answered.

“Oh… so you want me to be all uptight and rude?” He asked, standing up.

“No… that’s not what I meant…”I said, looking at him.

“Oh… so what did you mean then?” He asked, staring at me.

“Uhm……”I said, fumbling around thoughts in my head. “I don’t… know?”

He began laughing and all of a sudden, I felt a bit more relieved. He was younger than all the other teachers here at Malcolm High. He was awkward and unusually nice. I started drifting off again when he interrupted my thoughts again.

“You know you remind me of my next girlfriend..” He said, a bit hushed.

“What?” I asked, as if someone poked me in the eye really hard with a thumb tack.

“You know, I’m originally from Canada...” He said, confused.

“Oh...really? You don’t sound like it… the accent... you don't have one.” I said, a bit confused.

“I’ve grown out of it. I’ve been away too long.” He answered.

“Oh... okay.” I said.

“What college are you planning on going to?” He asked.

“I don’t know… I’m still undecided.” I said.

“Undecided? That’s not the way to be your senior year! You must have some college in mind.” He said, looking at me.

“Not really… I mean, I’ve sent applications and everything… but, ya know, I just can’t make up my mind…” I said.

“Yeah… I know… I was that way too…I can’t blame you.” He said. “I ended up going to this big university in the middle of nowhere. That’s where I met my ex girlfriend, Natasha.”

“Oh.. ex. Sorry about that..” I asked.

“Yeah… no worries, we didn’t really get along very well. That’s why I moved over here…so I could get away from her.” He said, laughingly.

“Oh...she sounds pleasant.” I said, shuffling my feet.

There was a silence that sat in between us like a plate of chicken salad. I was going to attempt to poke and prod at it but I just became uninterested. I wasn’t that hungry for a chat anyway—obviously he was.

“So… hows about that tour?” He asked.

“Uhmm... yeah… the tour.” I said, standing up and walking out of the room.

“So… this hall is the English hallway with the Latin, Spanish, and French classes down that way. I know that much.” He said, confidently.

“Yeah, this is the worst water fountain this school has. That’s the bathroom, but I wouldn’t use that bathroom, it smells like white trash.” I said, walking a bit fast.

“Is this the Science and Math hallway?” He asked.

“Yeah… I don’t spend much time here. I’m horrible at math.” I said, mumbling.

“Oh, me neither. The teachers are probably boring too, right?” He asked.

“Extremely.” I said, walking down the stairs.

“You know you’re a tiny girl for your age.” He said, walking down the stairs as well.

“Yeah… my parents aren’t very tall. My mom is 5’5 and my dad is 5’7. My grandma is even shorter than me.” I said, turning the corner.

“Oh… wow. Short family.” He said, a bit to himself.

What the hell was going through his mind? Why did I suddenly care what went through any guys mind other than Adam? I always thought about Adam, talked about Adam, and walked with Adam. All of a sudden, this hott teacher comes along and I’m suddenly thinking about him? What’s wrong with this picture? Why do I get myself caught in these situations? Why can’t I be a normal person and live a normal life? Was that too much to ask?

“What are you thinking about?” I asked, suddenly breaking the silence.

“You.” He said, stepping in front of me.

“What?” I asked, stepping back a bit.

“You heard me.” He said, holding me at my hip.

“Peyton! Hey womannnnnn! What's going on, sugah?” A very loud, and extremely flirtatious boy shouted.

Chapter 2.

Brent && The Inner Workings Of My Complicated Mind

Brent was 16, but mostly showed his immature, "hey I act like a freaking 12 year old" side. He always wore some athletic department t-shirt or something from Hollister with torn up jeans and pumas. He was rather cute for being a young one; he had blond hair and blue eyes with a really nice smile. He only had one downfall, he always showed affection to the wrong people and ended getting tied up in weird situations.

“Hey Brent.” I said, walking to get a drink from the water fountain.

“Heyyyyy! Who's this? I'm Brent. Brent Jackson. Peyton and I... we go wayyyyyyyyyyyy back. Don't we, Peyton?” He asked, grabbing a hold of me.

“Brent! Ugh! Get your hands off of me! You are such a pig!” I said, walking away.

“Hey baby. I know you want this! Come back, sugah.” He said, following me.

“You need to go back to class, mister.” Mr. Louis said, in a teacher voice.

“Mister? What are you a teacher? Pfft. Honestly, lay off on the teacher tone.” He said, continuing to follow me.

“I'm the new English teacher, Mr. Louis, nice to meet you, Mr. Jackson.” He said, pointing down the hall.

“Call me, dollface!” Brent shouted and walked away.

“Is he always that subtle?” He asked, sarcastically.

“Oh yes.” I answered. “Anyway, this is the gym, the study hall, uhmm... that's the choir room, the band room, the art room. There is the cafeteria, another bathroom, the janitor's closet, the auditorium... a few computer rooms over there. What are you staring at?” I asked, as the bell rang for the next class.

“Nothing… nothing. I’ll see you tomorrow, Miss Panera. Get to class or you’ll be late.” Mr. Louis said, walking away.

I started walking down the hallway and I began thinking. Thinking was never a great thing for me to do. I always ended up screwing something or someone over.
Mr. Louis is a very nice guy, almost too nice. He is kind of like those boys in my grade that hit on you but you don’t really know if they are hitting on you and then they end up having a girlfriend or are gay.
Is Mr. Louis gay? Does he have a girlfriend? He mentioned having a girlfriend awhile back. Hmm.. I wonder if he lied about his ex and he really is dating her but he ended up raping her so he wanted to run away so he wouldn’t get jail time? What if in Canada it’s illegal to be gay and he ran away before they found him out? I don’t know anything about Canada. I don’t know anything about Mr. Louis either. I don't know but, if I think anymore about the situation I’m going to end up with either:

A: A mind that looks so chewed up it resembles ABC gum.

B: A broken heart x2 because Adam will probably end up getting involved

C: Jail time..? Is that even an option?

D: Flirting with him back… he’s so gorgeous, I won’t be able to resist too long

E: I don’t know… I just like the letter E.

I know what I’m going to do… I’m just.. going to cut myself out of the equation. I’m just going to walk down to Aunt Ruth’s office right now and tell her that Mr. Louis was an arrogant idiot and I want my study hall back. Yep, that’s what I’m going to do. Perfect. Yep, I’m going right now. I'm walking.

There goes the Aunt Ruth's office. Great. I'm stupid. You're stupid, Peyton. What did you eat this morning? You don't like this teacher. He's too old for you. What am I thinking? I like him too. What the hell am I going to do?

Chapter 3.

“I Would Have Rather Cracked My Head Open”

A few weeks passed and Mr. Louis acted very teacher-like and professional. I graded papers for him, reprimanded students when he wasn’t in the room, cleaned off his computers, and helped him whenever he needed it. He didn’t play around, he didn’t grab my hips, or act all teenager-y.

“Hey Mr. Louis, can you help me with this? I can’t---ahhhhhhhhhhh!” I said, falling off the ladder.

“Oh my god, Peyton! Are you alright?” He asked, grabbing me just in time before I cracked my head open.

“Yeah, I think so.” I said, slightly smiling.

We sat there in silence for a moment. The way that the annoying flickering of the bulbs in the ceiling lights looked illuminated his face just perfectly. I never noticed it before. His eyes were just the shade of blue to send chills right through me. Then the room filled with the chattering of teenagers younger than me and we shook it off and went our separate ways.

“Thanks.” I said, walking off with my bag.

“Welcome. Thanks for your help today around the room, Peyton.”

“Anytime.” I said, walking down the hallway.

I began walking down the hallway and I started thinking about how I eye-cheated on my boyfriend. My beautiful Adam. What was he going to think when I tell him that? I have never cheated on one of my boyfriends before. What happens now? Do I get a ticket for pausing too long to stare into his eyes? Do I get put in jail for thinking thoughts that I usually save to think about Adam with? This is just downright wrong… but, I like it.

“Hey sweetheart!” Adam said, walking with his arms spread out for a hug.

Adam was such a romantic. Before I met him, people used to call him “Peyton’s little friend.” We were the best of friends before we started dating. We were like Gordo and Lizzie off of Lizzie McGuire, but in this story the Lizzie and Gordo actually date. Geez, I hated that show. They never got together! Anyway, back to the quirks and hopelessness of my reality, Adam was a little bit taller than me and was incredibly skinny. He had red shaggy hair and beautiful green eyes. I was his first girlfriend and he always told me there was never going to be another after me.

“Hey gorgeous!” I said, holding him close.

“I haven’t seen you all day. I missed you! How was your day?” He asked.

“It really wasn’t that interesting…” I answered, laying my head against his chest.

“There had to have been something!” He said, brushing through my hair.

Yeah, I just eye-fucked a teacher. Nothing very interesting, I would say.

“Not really... I was aiding for Mr. Louis like usual... that's never very interesting. I almost cracked my head open earlier... uhm...” I said, trailing off.

“Hunny! That's something big! How can you think that isn't something big? You could have killed yourself!” He said, holding me closer.

Then, that's when Evan called my name. I don't think I've ever seen Adam as mad as when Evan comes near me. Adam wasn't usually the mad kind of sort, but he was an incredibly jealous boyfriend. Evan, on the other hand, was a total sweetheart to me 24/7 and has been my friend since he was in 6th grade, we've been best friends for around a year though.

“Hey.. Hey Peyton!” Evan yelled down the hall.

“Leave us alone, Evan.” Adam said flatly.

“What's up?” I asked, turning around to face Evan.

“We're in the middle of a..” Adam began.

“Not much. I got my English book to study for a stupid test. Damn, I hate that class.” Evan said.

“I'm going to ... "study" math. Yeah.” I said, reassuring myself.

“What are you making in there now?” Evan asked.

“I think I'm failing..” I said, trying to think.

“You only have one more 6 weeks left, Peyton! You're graduating! You can't fail that class!” He said, laughing a bit.

“Yeah, whatever. She knows. C'mon Peyton.” Adam said, grabbing my arm.

“Adam…” I said, as he pulled me down the hall.

“Bye.. Peyton..” Evan said, turning away to walk down the hall.

“Oh my god, Adam. This has got to.. stop! Geez..” I said, angrily.

“What? What!? I would like to talk to my girlfriend without little freshman around, okay? I just want to talk to you, sweetheart. We don’t get to talk very much during school.. especially since you switched classes on me.” He said, sadly.

“I’m still really sorry about that..” I said.

“Don’t worry.. honestly.. being away from each other isn’t such a bad thing… we’ll have more things to talk about when we hang out after school.” He said, happily.

“Yeah…” I said, trying to sound excited.

“PEYTON!!” Ana shouted down the hall, with Bailey shuffling behind.

“Well hey doll face, I have to go. Ana, Bailey, and I are gonna go to the mall.” I said, turning away.

“Hey..” He said, grabbing my arm and turning me around.

“What..?” I asked.

He then, pushed me into giving him a kiss. Same. Old. Squishy. Sloppy kiss. He never changed anything. He was … so… just, yuck. He made me want to throw up. O.M.G… that’s horrible to say. I didn’t just say that. Forget I even opened my mouth.

“Come on, Peyton. You can do that later! We’re going to the mall!” Ana said, pulling me down the hall.

“Bye sweetheart!” Adam said, attempting to sound excited.

“Yeah.. yeah.. whatever.. I guess we’ll bring her back in one piece… but, I’m not promising anything..” Bailey said, walking away. “Why does anybody trust me with anything… let alone another person? I can’t even protect my fucking self. Damn, people are ignorant…”


Chapter 4

"Some Hot Teacher: New Release"

"I hope that ring turns your finger green." Bailey said, when she passed a couple trying on wedding rings.

"Bailey!! God!" I said, pulling her away from Zales.

"Damn." She said, walking into Starbucks.

"There she goes into the overwhelming abyss." I said to Ana as she walked into Foot locker.

"Shit." I said, walking by myself.

I walked around, alone and into the bookstore. The bookstore always had the best smell in the world--the smell of book pages.

I finally roamed to my favorite section -- the Shakespeare book section, and all of a sudden, I bumped into someone.

"Oh.. sorry about that. I'm just wanting.. this.. Oh. Hi." Mr. Louis said, holding on to Midsummer Night's Dream.

"Oh.. hi Mr. Louis." I said, backing up a little.

"What are you doing? I didn't know you liked Shakespeare." He said, looking very interested.

"I'm an actress and I really enjoy reciting his words. They put me in a really romantic mood." I answered.

"Oh really?" He said, getting closer to me.

"Uhm. Yeah. I'm doing a Hamlet monologue for our awards show. The one after Hamlet leaves Ophelia and she is hysterical. You know which one I'm talking about?" I asked.

"Yeah. That's one of my favorites. I love it when people recite that monologue and ..really get into it. It makes it really come alive." He said. "Wow.. after all this time of knowing you, I never knew you to be a romantic like that."

"Yeah. I'm a softy." I said, trying not to sound so sarcastic.

He started to laugh his beautiful, infectious laugh. I tried so hard to keep my heart in place, but it kept thumping so hard I could hear it echo in my ears.

"Well, hey, I have to go. My friends left me a little while ago, and I should.. I should probably go find them. I'll see you in class, okay?" I said, walking off fastly.

My heart exploded and I was losing control. This is not right, Peyton. This is absolutely wrong and .. it's just wrong. Stop it. Stop it right now.

"Peyton! Hey! We found this shirt and it would look so totally fab on you!" Ana shouted down the way.

"Ha. We? She did. It was ugly too. It looked like something I would find in my grandfather's refrigerator." Bailey said, scoffing off.

"Uhm. Grandfather?" I asked, looking a bit confused.

"He was a transvestite. He was also was a big dieter. My grandma and him didn't get along very well. Of course, my grandma turned out to be a lesbian and moved to the Caribbean with her lover, Rebbecca. I hate Rebbecca." Bailey said, walking off.

"Anyway. Did you find anything while you were off.. let me guess in the bookstore?" Ana asked.

"Yes, actually. Hamlet, some hot teacher, What My Mother Doesn't Know, Sleepy Hollow.." I said, going through my list of books I found.

"Some Hot Teacher? Is that a new release? It sounds yummy! Is it one of those Harlequin novels? Oh, I bet it has a hot guy plastered on it with his shirt off! Yeahhh!" Ana said, getting all excited.

"Yeah, Ana. New release." I said, kind of dazing off.

"Oh hey, Peyton. I had something to ask you." Brad came up to me.

Ana looked at me funny as if she knew exactly what was going on.

"I'm going to go look for Bailey." Ana said, winking at me.

She started walking off and pointed at him as she left mouthing, "Go for it! He's hott!"

"What do you need?" I asked, crossing my arms, looking uninterested.

"Well, see there is this banquet for my church. I don't have anyone to take with me. Would you like to go with me?" He asked.

"Mr. Louis.. I kind of.. have a boyfriend. We've been dating for like, ever and.." I started to explain.

"No need to explain. It's okay, I understand." He said, simply. "I'll see you in class."

That didn't make me feel like shit. Right. God, I feel like a moron. Go for it. There aren't many guys out there that are like him. Just.. do it. Ha, just do it. Stupd advertisements. Sometimes, I wish my head would shut up.

"Mr. Louis!" I shouted.

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

"Yeah?" He asked, turning around.

"I'll go." I answered, my forehead sweating what felt like bullets.

chapter 5.

Monday started a new week. I felt refreshed after the weekend I had. It was so boring, and too lengthy for my liking. I sat at Adam's house eating Cheetos and watching re-runs of I Love Lucy. All the while, I had Adam asking me incessantly what was wrong.

This was going to be a good week, hopefully.

I stepped into Mr. Louis's classroom and unusually, it wasn't full of light and smells. I looked around and finally caught sight of a note on his desk.

Peyton-

Meet me in the auditorium.

-Mr. Louis

"Okay?" I thought to myself. I turned around and went down the hall to the auditorium. I wonder what was going on in the auditorium. It was probably some stupid "lecture" meeting on all of our teachers being horrible. Honestly, truly, the teachers weren't all that great. There were a few good ones here and there but none of them shouted excellence.

Finally, I arrived in the auditorium and it was totally and completely empty.

"Mr.. Louis.." I said, quietly.

My whisper almost echoed through the audience-less room. Ya know, I always envied this auditorium. It has brilliant acoustics and beautiful stage lights that accented the beautiful people that stood upon it. I was so envious of their beautiful qualities--eyes, body, ability to emit music, hair that twirled almost on command, and the way they could entertain a room with a simple "hum.." or whispering voice that would change dramatically with strong, emotional melodies. I was so envious of that..

"Mr.. Louis.. Hey..are you here?" I asked, a little louder.

I saw the chairs lined up against the walls-- the band was going to have a concert soon. Bailey is in band and I always go to see her. Bailey's mom doesn't attend school functions and Bailey's dad is non-existent so we don't talk about him. Ana and I are pretty much her number one fans and even though Bailey tends to act as if she doesn't have feelings, I know she eats it up.

"Stupid teachers.."I said, under my breath, beginning to turn around.
"Peyton." I heard, briskly, almost angelic.

I turned back around as I found Mr. Louis standing up in the middle of the first two rows. He combed through his messed up hair and began to rub at his beautiful, brown eyes. He was so attractive that he almost resembled those men you'd find in a teen magazine.

"Okay.. got the message. What do you need?" I asked, walking toward him.
"Well.." He said, thinking to himself.
"Did you forget what you needed me for because I can go back and get my homework."I said, turning around.
"Ohh.. no. No. I know very well what I'm going to ask you. It's just.. the way I'm going to ask you is the hard part, you see?" He said, coming toward me.

Suddenly, the scene changes. Dark, empty, and then, is filled with dancers that have curlers atop of their heads--Grease. I'm Frenchy and he's my guardian angel--even though I don't plan on dropping out of high school, attending beauty school, or dying my hair accidentally pink. You get the point, right?

"Oh..?" I asked, beginning to break out in a tiny sweat.
"Maybe this should help.."He said, bringing his face closer.
"Oh.."I said, quietly.
"This.. is a little awkward for me.."He said, backing up a little.
"What's.. going on?"I asked.
"I like you, Peyton." He said, plopping down in one of the seats.
I thought, "Well I didn't notice.. you did ask me to a dance that I so eagerly said yes to. Geez.. men.."

I watched him as he stroked the little hairs that popped out around his chin and I nearly memorized every thinking line on his face. His eyes drew to a close and he looked almost relaxed. I could tell by his heavier breathing that he wasn't relaxed, completely stressed out was more like it.

"I like you too.."I finally said, plopping down in the seat beside him.
"You do?" He asked, eagerly like a teenager. "I mean, you do?" He asked, trying to sound more adult-like.
"Yeah.."I said, a little quieter.

We sat in silence for what seemed like forever. I didn't really know what to say. I just listened to his occasional sighs and deep breaths. He looked as if he was about to say something but always failed to complete his thoughts. He was so smart but I guess, when it comes to feelings of love and infatuation, everyone all of a sudden has the mentality of a 4 year old and the world appears as if you just had a 12 pack of beer.

"So..what are we going to do? Are we just going to sit here and act like nothing happened?" He asked.
"I have a boyfriend, Mr. Louis."I said.
"I know.. Brad."He said, firmly.
"No, his name is Adam. I've been dating him for.."I said, then he touched my face.
"Brad is my name, Peyton. Try it sometime." He said, standing up and walking down the aisle.
"Brad.."I said, softly, standing up.
"Yeah..?" He asked, turning around.
"Kiss me."I said.

My heart pounded hard in my chest and I felt like the little Peytons inside my head were running around heading for cover while the tornado hit and blasted away all the intellectual thoughts I had left.

"Are you.."He said.
"Yes. Kiss me."I said.
"As long as you're.."He said.
"I'm sure, Brad."I replied.
"Here goes pretty much everything."He said.
"Life is nothing but a risk many people don't take. Live it."I said.

He walked towards me slowly and closed his soft brown eyes. He brushed his lips against mine and I felt something different. This feeling began to rise inside of me like a rocket shooting through me. I touched the back of his head and felt his soft brown hair. His smell was unbelievable, sensual, romantic--calming. I almost forgot where I was when I bumped into one of the seats.

"Oh." I said, looking at him.
"You say that a lot." He said, laughing a bit.
"Sorry." I said, looking down.
"What are you sorry about?" He asked, looking at me.

I stood in silence staring at the ground. A million thoughts aroused my mind. I liked Brad, that was no lie. He was completely perfect, but so was Adam. Adam has given me some beautiful high school years. We have so many memories. I remember this one time when we were making out on his bed and we weren't supposed to be there. His mom almost caught me there but Adam threw a blanket over me when I ducked under the sofa. God, that was fun but is that where my heart is supposed to be? Am I supposed to live in New Hampshire with a big, white house and 4 kids running around with the big brown dog in the front yard barking at all the cars whizzing by? Am I supposed to live in the big city and teach at the top school in the country with a few kids and a beautiful husband at my side that understands every aspect of my dreams? Am I even supposed to get married? Am I supposed to be happy? Am I ever going to realize where my happiness lies?

"That's right. You have nothing to be sorry about." He said, touching my hips.
"I have a boyfriend, Brad! I am not supposed to feel any feelings like this towards anyone else! I have an engagement ring! I'm supposed to get married in June after I graduate! I have my life practically set out for me!" I said, pacing around.

He suddenly grabbed my shoulders hard and looked at me deep in the eyes. It was almost like he was reading everything going through my mind or... the fact that I had just told him what was going through my mind.

"Stop." He said, firmly. "Maybe this isn't the life you are meant to have. Maybe I am not the person for you.. maybe Adam isn't the person for you. I do know one thing though, Peyton. You can't live in indifference like this. You have to take a break from everything and find out what you want. You have to find yourself, Peyton. You need to do something for you. Promise me that you'll do that." He added.
"You mean break it off with Adam?" I asked.
"It's what is best, I think." He answered.
"I... can't." I said.
"You can't?! You can't. You just sat here and told me that you're indifferent on your feelings right now and you don't want to respect yourself and help yourself figure out what is best?" He asked.
".. I don't know.." I said, softly.
"I'm.. sorry. I'm sorry." He said, holding me close.
".. I need to go to my locker. We have like, 2 minutes until the bell rings." I said, walking away. "See you tomorrow."
"Bye.." He said, standing in the middle of the aisle.

I walked away and felt as if my heart skipped beats with each step that I took away from him. I felt as if with each stride I took, I was breaking him a little bit more. I was breaking more and more with each second and I didn't know how to stop it.. but I had to act fast.

Chapter 5.

"Number 5." I said, lowering my hand.

The bell rang loud and harmonious through my brain and I felt as if my ears were going to fall off my head.

"Sorry, Peyton." Mr. Paskerton said, walking over to his computer.

Mr. Paskerton was old, wrinkly, and a bit smelly. He was also kind and optimistic about everything. He knew the answer to everything even when there was no question in front of him, or even if he was completely oblivious that there was a question.

"It's a simple equation, Peyton. You just have to find it. I know you can do it." He said, smiling at me. "Go on, you have better things to do than sit in math class staring at an old man. Go have fun... It's spring break." He said, shooing me off.

I smiled a brisk smile, waved my tiny wave, and walked out of the door. I had a week to think about all of this. A week. Adam was going to California to see his grandma and Brad doesn't have my number and can't bug me. I'm all set. I will have a peaceful, non life-altering week. Good for me.

"Hey babehhh. What's cracking?" Brent asked, slapping my ass and walking off.
"Your hands should be sawed off you litte skeez." I said, continuing my walk through the hall.

Yeah, and definitely good since I don't have to see that stupid ass hole the whole week.

"Peyton. Oh, hey. I wanted to ask you something." Brad said, bumping into me in the hall.

Oh god. I am not kissing you again.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out over the week. Would you want to?" He asked.
"Well.. sure. We can hang out. That'd be cool." I said, smiling and walking off.

Okay. Just walk off and pretend as if nothing happened. He doesn't have your number and you don't have his. So, there were communication problems. Okay. You have that to fall on. You can safely say that you don't have his number when you get back when he asks why you didn't call.

"Hey sunshine. I kind of need your number." He said, waving his phone in the air.

Fuck me.

"Oh. Sorry, silly me. I'm already in spring break mode, huh?" I said, grabbing his phone and putting my number in.
"I hope to see you soon. I'll call you." He said, smiling at me.
"Mmmhmm. Fun times!" I said, walking off.

Damn teachers and their hot looks. Why do I have to like him again? Tell me God what the fuck is going on because I don't have a clue what you're telling me here.

"Baby! Come hug me! I'm not leaving without a hug from my baby!" Adam said, holding out his arms.

Poor, useless, strange little Adam. He was quite possibly the most obsessive little baby in the world. He was tall, skinny, with ugly little face lines. UGH.

"Miss Peyton. I need you for a second." Brad said in a quiet, teacher like tone.
"Oh. Well, hold on. One second. My boy is leaving for a week." I said with a fake happy smile, kissing gross Adam.

"No, no, hunny. You need to go help him out. I'm sure it's very important. I'll call you tonight okay, sugar?" He said, tapping me on the head like I was some kind of dog.
"Okay." I said, smiling fakily and I walked off trying to make it sound like Brad and I were undergoing official business.

"I love you, sweetie!" He said, waving happily at me.

"Love you!" I said, even more fakily waving and I turned the corner with Brad.

Brad looked at me with his beautiful, concerned eyes. His eye expressions just drove me crazy. They were so sensual, intimate, and just downright sexy. Suddenly, I fell into them and we began making out like crazy. We locked the door and turned off all the lights and he pressed me hard against the wall.

"Mr. Louis?" A faint voice asked.
"Oh god!" I said, quietly.
"Sh.." He said, pushing his lips on mine softly.

He began to bite on my lips and make his way down my body. My heart began racing faster and faster. I didn't know what the person wanted at the door but I didn't care.

"Mr. Louisssssss." A more, clear voice asked.
"Isn't that Miss Clarence?" I asked.

He came up and kissed me on the nose.

"What was all of that for?" I asked.

He brushed himself off and smiled. He didn't have to say anything, I knew what was on his mind. He held me close and began biting me softly on the neck. We then heard a slight nose that seemed to have come from underneath the door.

"What was that?" I asked.
"Meh.. who cares?" He said, uncaring.

I walked away from him and picked up a note that sat on the unclean floor. I opened it and read:

I know what's going on.

<3

"What the hell?" I asked.
"Oh god." He said.
"Uh god." I said, sitting down in one of the desks.
"I'll call you later, okay?" He said, standing me up.
"Okay..? I'll talk to you tonight. Bye." I said, walking out of the classroom.

Weird. Who could know about it?

Later that night, I layed on my bed thinking over the day. I couldn't stand to think that our secret could be leaked out and destroyed in a matter of a few words to a school official. I didn't want to see that happen and I knew Brad didn't either.

My phone rang a few seconds later, it was Brad.

"Hello.. Brad? It's a relief to hear your voice." I said, cheerfully.
"Well, I hate to tell you but, the secret is out. Everybody knows about it. I'm sorry, but I can't see you anymore." Brad said, in a sad tone.
"Are you serious!? No.. that can't be." I said.
"No, I'm not. That note was from Miss Clarence. She has a really big crush on me. She wanted me to call her the other night and I guess she's the jealous type." He said, laughing.
"Thanks, Brad." I said, sarcastically.
"Well, I just called to relieve you and I wanted to ask if you would like to come over tomorrow?" He said.
"Sure, sure." I answered.
"Okay. I will see you then." He said.
"Byeee!" I said.
"Bye." He said, and we both hung up the phone.

A few minutes later, the phone rang again. It was Adam.

"Hello." I said, acting like I was tired.
"Hey sweetheart. What's up?" He asked.
"Oh nothing, I'm just getting ready for bed." I answered.
"At only.. midnight? That's not like you. Hard day?" He asked.
"Yeah.. fritos, Disney Channel, and reading. Very fun." I said.
"Well, I've not been doing too much here either. California isn't all that's it's cracked up to be. A lot of slutty girls. None of them as pretty as you, sweetheart." He said.
"Oh thanks." I answered.
"Well, I can tell you're getting tired so I'm gonna go, okay?" He asked.
"Okay. Goodnight."I said, adding a yawn.
"Goodnight, love. I love you." He said.
"Love you." I answered, and hung up the phone.

Boys. Boys. Boys.
I hate them all.


chapter 6.

We sat there, our bodies hopelessly wanting more than sitting in silence. The spring break had been full of surprises. I was always at Brad's house doing something. I was either making out in his bedroom, his kitchen, on the stairs, his living room, on the sink, in the shower. But today, we sat in weird silence. Our bodies wanted to be connected, intertwined. We sat there and breathed in the slightly chilly but increasingly warm air.

Suddenly, his face got closer to mine for a soft, beautiful kiss. His lips devoured mine and off, I was into this land I had never landed on. A few minutes later, I was naked and body to body with him on his bed. Soaking in sweat and drenched with regret with every breath. I couldn't help it-- I was falling harder and faster than I had ever fallen. I was falling for someone that I never thought I would ever have a chance with in my life.

"Can I keep you? All to myself.. everyday, all the time? I want you, Peyton. I'm sorry, I'm not usually like this, but I'm pretty sure that I'm quite mad in love with you. I may only be an English teacher, but this heart, it believes, it's stuck on you. It's stuck. I only think of you and it hurts me that I keep having to go days and days seeing you chained to Adam and you can't be with me. I want you to myself, Peyton. You're the one. I know it. I feel it. I love you, Peyton." He said, staring deep into my eyes.

What is love? What is .. love? What .. is love? If I just lay here.. maybe he'll forget I was here and suddenly he'll forget what he just said and the fact that he supposedly loves me. Honestly though, is it air? Is it chemically transferred into your body when you are lodged out of your mother's vagina? Is it the grass I pick when I'm out of my mind and want something to kill? Is it the same lame song that I put on repeat because I have a tendency to damage my brain with stupid love songs? Is it automatically breathed in when you suck on cigarettes? Is it stacked in boxes in these textbooks the big nosed, bald, chest-haired, floral tie-wearing teachers are feeding us? What is it? What the heck is it?!?!

"Peyton? Peyton.. are you there?" Brad asked, looking deep into my eyes.
"I .. I can't deal with this right now, Brad. I can't." I said, walking out and grabbing my clothes.
"No. No. This time you have to stop ignoring it. Stop ignoring the feelings you have for me. We just made the most passionate love I have ever had. You love me, Peyton. You love me." He said, grabbing my arm.
"Brad. Stop it. You're insane. Leave me alone." I said, walking out.
"I can't." He said, yelling down the hallway.
"I'm sorry. I can't help you anymore." I said, walking down his stairs, crying harder and harder with every step.

I finally fell at the last step and couldn't take it anymore.

"I feel like Alice in Wonderland. I just keep falling and falling, never to reach the bottom. I'm falling deeper than I've ever fallen. I love you, Brad." I said, not getting up or turning around.

I don't even know if he heard me.

"You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met. I would love you even if you had your front two teeth knocked out. You have the most beautiful personality in the world. It's so beautiful." He said.

We made love 3 more times that day and that's when I knew... I had to break up with Adam.

Chapter 7.

I sat there in utter silence with Killer Queen by: Queen stuck in my head and constantly being strummed in air-guitar mode by my halfly bitten fingernails. I sat there for only a few minutes and then, Ana and Bailey walked up.

"Hey girl!" Ana said, sitting to my left.
"What?" Bailey asked, sitting down on my right.
"Geez, Bailey." I said, laughing.
"I want to get this over with. I have a guy in a tight Nirvana shirt to be making out with at 4 o'clock." She answered.
"I.. have been hiding something from you." I began.
"What is it?" Ana asked, shocked.
"You have herpes don't you? Damn, all of the fucking decent girls get fucking herpes." Bailey said, folding her arms.
"I don't have herpes but thanks for your help. Anyway, I am in love with Mr. Louis, the english teacher." I said, closing my eyes and biting my lip.
"Isn't he adorable? Omiiigod. Talk about sexy. He has the most fantastic ass.. and those eyes. Oh. My. God. Why would I be mad about that? He's yummy." Ana said, excited.
"Just like toy soldiers melted in the microwave." Bailey said with a smile.
"Uhm. Whatever. I don't think you get the drift, guys. I'm in love. I don't have a crush. I'm in love, like, a head over heels - sky is turning a bit pinker kind of thing. He loves me too. We love eachother. I've been going behind Adam's back for a little while, and I had sex with Mr. Louis. I don't regret it at all. I haven't liked Adam for quite some time. I'm falling deeper for Mr. Louis.. Brad.. I'm so in love with him, guys." I said, smiling at two unsmiling faces.

Bailey usually has a weird smirk on her face but Ana is always in happy mode. This was different for Ana. It was like I sprayed orange soda on her new Charlotte Russe shirt or something.

"Guys..?" I asked.
"I'm going to go barf now." Bailey said, beginning to stick her finger down her throat.
"Peyton.. how could you do that to Adam? He loves you." Ana said.
"I never have liked Adam anyway, Mr. Louis is actually a good choice. Nice ass. Mmhmm." Bailey said.
"Not helping, Bailey. You need to re-think this, Peyton. You need to think about it hard too. You have been dating Adam for such a long time. You want to throw all of that away on a teacher?" Ana asked.
"I have been thinking about this, Ana. I'm so sure of it too. I am very sure that this is what I'm wanting to do. I just feel frustrated and overly bored when I'm with Adam. He's not exciting anymore. He's just, so full of dumb wishes and hopeful promises I used to have. I don't love him anymore." I said.
"He was your first, Peyton." Ana said.
"God, I remember the fucking details. That was back when you were so sheltered you didn't know what an orgasm was. God, I even remember the fucking length of his penis. Where do I store all of this worthless shit?" Bailey asked.
"I know he was my first.. but, Brad makes me so happy. He makes me feel like a completely different person. I feel so weightless and beautiful with him. He's so wonderful. I wish you guys could see how completely perfect he is for me." I said.
"Just invite us over for the nightly fuck.." Bailey said.
"Why do we invite her?" I asked.
"Kicks." Bailey said, chewing on some beef jerky.
"I just hope you know what you're doing, Peyton. I just want to say that breaking up with him isn't the brightest of ideas. He loves you. I understand that you don't love him, but this is crunch time for all of us. We're graduating in a matter of months. I'm sure the last thing he wants to hear is that his girlfriend of several years in breaking up with him. Then again, I understand your side because a relationship can be stressful to handle at this time. Go with what your heart tells you to do, sweety. Don't listen to me. Just go with your heart and what it tells you." Ana said.
"Is he better than Adam in bed?" Bailey asked.
"Oh Jesus, Bailey, shut it." I said, walking away with Ana.
"Damn.." Bailey said, chewing on her last part of jerky.

After about a few days of crying, getting angry at myself, and practically wanting to kill something, I had to face the facts that spring break was ending and so was me and Adam. Tomorrow.

Chapter 8.
The Next Day.

"Bye Miss Chavitz. I'll make sure and fix that mistake. Thank you!" I said, walking out of the classroom and into Adam.
"Hey babe!" He said, smiling and hugging me.
"Hey.." I said, getting squished.
"What's up?" He asked, so cheerfully.

He had no idea that in a matter of seconds he was going to be the most crushed person on the face of the Earth and I was going to be the crusher.

"Well.. we aren't." I said.
"What?" He asked, concerned.
"I can't take this anymore, Adam. High school is ending in a couple of months and I need to be free. I'm so stressed out right now with all of these exams and stuff. It's so stressful. I feel like I can't give my all in this relationship." I said, looking away from him.
"Just.. for now, right?" He asked, hopeful.
"Maybe.." I said, walking away.
"Maybe?" He asked.
"Yeah.. maybe. I don't know." I said, turning to look at him.
"We're never getting back together, are we?" He asked.
"I don't know, Adam. I don't know. Just.. leave me alone right now. I don't want to talk about it." I said, walking away.

That was it. Now, that wasn't too hard was it? That was heartbreaking even for me. It was like torture for me to even see him remotely depressed. He is such a happy person.

"That's it? That's it!? What the fuck is up with you, Peyton?" He yelled down the hall.

I've never seen him this mad before in my life. Never. So much anger and depression has filled up and finally, Adam has gone off the deep end.

"You are up with me, Adam! You! You! YOU! You are the reason that I can't sleep at night, you are the reason I stress out, you are the reason that I am failing math, you are the reason I am so fucking miserable, and you are the reason that we are breaking up. Right here and right fucking now." I said, with all of my heart and at the top of my lungs.

"Who is he?" Adam finally asked and pushed me against the wall.

"Who?" I asked.

"The other guy. Who is the other guy? I want to know. There has to be another guy." He said, breathing hard into my face.

"Why does there have to be another guy, Adam? Is it because you're so fucking perfect? Did you think that for one second you could do something wrong? Did you? I didn't think so!" I said, shoving him and walking away.

I kept on walking down the hall and I never once looked back. I didn't hear footsteps behind me and I failed to notice anything and anyone around me. I walked into Brad's classroom.

"Well.. I did it." I said, walking into his classroom.
"You did what? Oh.. you did it? How do you feel?" He asked, holding onto my arms.
"So this is him, isn't it? This is the guy? Mr. Louis?" Adam asked.

I turned around and stared right into his face. His ugly, troublesome, crying face. He looked like years had been added onto his face since the encounter I just had with him.

"I..I.." I began to mutter.
"Don't lie, Peyton. I know and somehow, I've always known." He said.
"What's going on here?" Miss Clarence asked, stomping into the room. "Miss Peyton! I could hear your profanities all the way down in my room! There is no need for such behavior!"
"I'm sorry, I just.." I started to explain.

"No. No. No! ISR. Now!" She yelled at me and pointing down the hall.

I have never in my life been yelled at by a teacher or got ISR. Ever.

What is happening to me?

Chapter 8.

Suddenly, things got worse. Frighteningly worse. Faces changed, subjects became a blur, and words were meaningless.

& Brad.. he wasn't... Brad.


not finisheddddd!!! =]]
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