Sunset love memories

Barefoot on the beach
Foot prints in the sand
Memories of the sun
Baked slowly into your skin
Red skin burns from yesterday
But reminds you of that fun summer day

The cool salt water on the skin
Running from the collapsed waves
The water rushing over the beach
Sand molding around your feet

Then that beautiful day had to end
With the orange sunset kissing the horizon

Author notes

well i wrote this poem because alot of my friends are too far away and one of my friends was my nine year old crush now i'm ten but still miss her company. "I have read the rules and if I qualify for the Round 1, I will continue onwards to the finals."

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11
  • Myeisha
    November 20, 2007

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    Wow, your ten and you can write this good?

    Thanks for entering though!!!

    Keep on writing!!!


  • callthexylophone
    October 8, 2007
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    Co-Judge Callthexylophone

    Title ~ 7/10 Poignant, yet cheesy.
    Depth ~ 8/10
    Imagery ~ 13/15 Pretty pictures
    Format ~ 7.5/10
    Feeling ~ 7/10
    Theme ~ 14/20
    Flow ~ 11/15
    Understanding ~ 9/10 What was the point of this poem?

    Total ~*~ 76.5/100

    Lovely poem, great write!


  • Asfand
    September 28, 2007

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    Descriptive ~

    Very nice ~

    The title was so-so, but it could have been better and so much for ambiguos. Without even opening I already knew what it was all about ~

    I would not say this has great imagery, because let us not mistake imagery with description as they are totally different aspects in a poem ~

    This was a descriptive poem, imagery is something way along the other corner ~

    The visuals were great, and ten is quite a young age. I could only write half of this when I was ten, and my passion for writing has only struck now - four years later ~

    A very nice entry ~

    Good luck and thanks for entering ~

    Title ~ 8.8/10
    Depth ~ 8.6/10
    Imagery ~ 12.1/15
    Format ~ 8.7/10
    Feeling ~ 9/10
    Theme ~ 16.9/20
    Flow ~ 14/15
    Understanding ~ 10/10

    Total ~*~ 77.3/100


  • asthray.heart
    July 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Already commented,

    Tnks n goodluck.


  • caitecola
    July 19, 2007

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    I really like it! Remember, about the author's note. Which category did you choose, why did you choose it? etc... otherwise i can't count you as a potential winner......


  • Eternal Twilight
    June 13, 2007

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    I could really imagine that in my mind! The poem was simple and written extremely well. Thanks for entering and good luck.


  • k3nny silver member
    June 3, 2007

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    Whew... I would describe this poem as nice and cute.

    The imagery was good. As I read and read over again, I can imagine the scene before me. Also, like those who commented before me, the words and descriptions were done magnificently.

    Really, and I like this kind of poem. Straight to the point, descriptive and having loads to say.

    Thanks for entering the contest and good luck!

  • asthray.heart
    May 27, 2007

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    This was really beautiful the beach is a very picturesque and memorable place no matter what the weather.
    Beautiful poem.
    Thank you and good luck in the contest.

    Lady Madeline.


  • KingWolf
    May 20, 2007

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    I must agree with a previous comment, sounds like an ideal summer date. Good job. Your descriptions were beautiful, simple and life like. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • Drakenwrite
    May 20, 2007

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    ^.^

    This had some very good visual descriptions! I especially enjoyed the last line. It reminded me of the number of evenings I got to sit on the beach watching the sun go down, as a kid.

    Beuatiful.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    May 20, 2007

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    Are you in love???
    I had that feeling when I read this it seemed like the kind of poetry one would write when.. in love haha! maybe you're not in love with SOMEONE now, but you are in love with the notion of being in the beach? I fall in love with places too ^_^...

    Anyway, thank you for sharing this
    Good luck with the contest

1 - 11 of 11