“You never open the windows,” she would joke, her voice practically singing the words.
“That’s because I have all the beauty I need in here,” he would reply, taking her soft hand in his calloused artist’s fingers.
-
A half finished painting lay on his easel. All the light in the room seemed to be intent on lighting it up, picking out every colour in the petals, ignoring the vase of flowers hidden behind the canvas.
Gingerly, she stepped forward, the curious girl inside of her wanting to see what the sun was so desperate to illuminate.
A single flower head lay on the cloth canvas, each strand of colour delicately placed in yellow, orange, red. Colours he had always used for five long years, and colours he’d sworn to destroy long, long ago, claiming their bright optimism was mocking him in his derelict state.
His signature lay in the bottom right hand corner, letters curling across the page just like she had remembered it to, but there was something different. It didn’t stretch quite as far, the ink didn’t dance in the same busy swirls.
-
“My mother always hated my handwriting,” he would comment, as he glanced from her eyes to the page, trying so hard to capture that whispered glint of joy that was so evident in real life, so subtle in oils. “She always said it was too messy; she couldn’t read it.”
“Messy writing, messy minds,” she would tease in reply.
-
All this time, and she could still remember his eyes, the beauty that fluttered out of them, his paintbrush and the truths it could speak. But with each second that she spent in his old attic studio, the more his face, his smile, his eyes were fading. She’d kept them safe inside her for almost twenty years, and now they were simply disappearing into the walls, teasing strands looping themselves around her memories until they were just apparitions, haunting her thoughts into insanity.
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“You always look so lost,” he’d murmur, stroking her cheek.
“Only in my thoughts,” she would whisper back. Only in my thoughts of you.
-
She regretted it all now. She would do anything to turn back time, to stay in love, to never leave. After coming back and seeing everything she’d left behind, she didn’t even know why she’d left in the first place.
She walked around the room slowly, touching the walls, the wood brushing against her fingertips. She felt the bumps over splatters of pain, spontaneous, accidental decoration from years of so-called artistry.
-
“Would you leave me?” he’d say, eyes shining.
“No, I wouldn’t. Never,” she’d say, eyes promising. Yes, I would. Always, she’d think, brain betraying.
-
Yes, she did. Legs running.
-
Now… now she had come back; but he wasn’t there. He wouldn’t ever be there again. All he had left was a single, half-finished painting, and his empty studio under the eaves.
Author notes
This was written for my english class, with this painting (The Studio Under The Eaves, by Henri Matisse) in mind.
Whaddaya think?
A contest entry
- If you're NOT from America! by Taylor Renee.
225 points, ended August 8, 2007, 33 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Wow.
There are so many talented writers here on storywrite. This was incredible. It was so beautiful and I'll bet you got an A on it. You did so great with the imagery, and it was just a beautiful piece. You used a good vocabulary, and that was great. This was so sad, it was so amazingly sad and beautiful all at the same time. You did a wonderful job writing this, and the plot was great. I loved how you used the painting as a sort of a symbol, at least I thought of it that way
Great job, good luck and thanks so much for entering my contest.
xoxo
tay
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I wish you had made it a full-fledged story. I love the patchwork you wove here too, and it was beautiful - I wish I could see more of your talent shine through. Loved it anyway.
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This story is absolutely beautiful - the language, especially at the beginning, drove the tale in a manner that one could relate to, could see in their mind's eye.
Amazing work. -
Ohh I liked it!!
It was sad...and beautifully written.
I should have read earlier!
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It's a nice story, well told and very well written. I liked the flow, the constant flashbacks. It's certainly a drawing story, one that actually captured my attention - and not just because it was on the front page. Good job.
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This was very inspiring,to me anyway.It made me feel like I should never give away the love I may find.To always cherish it and to keep it as long as I can always and forever
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Liked.
A lot. I'm thinking of doing something with three of my stories: The River, Chemical and A Dish Best Served Cold. When we're both online I'd like to hear your opinion!
-Jess xxx
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Beautifully portrayed and created, very well thought out and organized. Your diction is incredible for this story, and the symbolic imagery is truly breath taking.
Only criticism I can give you is to avoid words such as "practically" because they imply a slight hesitency in the author's writer. Don't sell yourself short, display your writing talent as if you are 100% confident in your ability otherwise the reader may find you to be slightly unreliable (which, in this story, you are reliable).
All in all, this truly stands out in originality and creativity. You are a very talented writer, I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Good luck. -
beautiful story! i love how it is so simple, and yet so very touching. the imagery is wonderful. you havn't overdone on the descriptive language, and it allows the reader to picture the scene as they want it to look as they read. its lovely, really a great story.
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Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy you posted it!!!!!! *calms down* I have no idea what to say now. It's amazing! And...god, it's just fantastic. I have no other words...
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“Only in my thoughts,” she would whisper back. Only in my thoughts of you.
is only in my thoughts of you a thought or dialogue.
I truly love the imagery in this piece. I am usually one for details but i think if you added too much to this it would actually take away from what you're trying to put across.
I'm extremely impressed with this.
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I'm glad [:
It makes more sense on word, where I can do italics. The 'Only in my thoughts of you' should be italic.
Glad you liked it.
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You know, you and Keli always weave so much beauty, emotion, in pieces - stories even appear so poetic with your (you two)'s works.
But yes, about this story... I saw the painting... I had a different idea, a different story in mind prior to reading this one (you PMed me
), but now, I am convinced that this IS the story. It has so much soul.. and I don't know.. it makes me feel like I was the girl here, even if I obviously am not 
The thing is, you wrote about running away, ruining a love that could have been - and there are a lot of "could have beens" in this world, but the saddest ones are those that "could have made that person stay." But sometimes, we DO think of breaking away, even when what we have is beautiful - more often than not, the ones left behind won't always wait for us...
You made me so sad.. but at the same time, I read something so beautiful that I am just... well, really, I've told you before, but I;ll tell you again and again that I long to write like you ^_^
*will push herself to reach that goal*
Thank YOU so much for sharing this with us
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