Love Like Blood

It was a cold, rainy afternoon, and the wind howled through the trees, like a ghost child's death song. I sat in the attic, pouring my heart through my eyes, as I watched the raindrops relentlessly pounding against the glass window. I was completely alone, except for the odd mouse foraging for food, and somehow the presence of the darkness didn't comfort me, as it usually did. 1

I had come here, because I knew that Laura would be back any moment, and I wanted her to find me. I felt so much for her, and it was gnawing at my insides that she would be getting married to Alex in just a few weeks. I broke down, realizing that I would never see her again, and I couldn't bear to be forever parted from the one woman who had given me that spark. She had awakened in me the most intense sexual feeling, shown me love, in a way that no one else had, and knowing that I could never have her was killing me.2

I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest, and I wanted nothing more than to just drop dead. Without her, I would go completely insane, and everyone knew that. I grabbed my Swiss Army knife from my pocket and, in a momentary psychosis, I carved a large, scripted L into the top of my left forearm. The rest of her name soon followed, the blood from each incision engulfing each of the letters before it.3

Finally, I collapsed, sobbing, into a heap on the floor. Where was she, I wondered. Where was she, when I needed her most? 4

The answer soon came when Laura finally wandered into the room, just as a clap of thunder rang out. A flash of lightning illuminated her delicate features; Her long, dark waves clung to her shoulders, and her emerald eyes stood out against the shadows. "Rod?" She called, sounding slightly shocked. "Are you all right? What are you doing up here?" 5

There was almost a sort of warmth in her voice as she crossed the room, to where I stood, drenched in blood. I had, by this point, sliced her name into my arms and torso multiple times; so many, in fact, that almost every inch of exposed flesh on my body was raw, and my crimson love, my scarlet pain, poured from my cuts like red tears mourning her love. 6

She stood at my side, staring at my wounds, with silent tears in her eyes. "What have you done?" she exclaimed. "Why would you do this to yourself, Rod? Why?"7

She reached for me, but I blocked her. Undeterred, she tried again, but this time, I threw her back against the wall, my hand closed around her throat. "Don't touch me!" I screamed, tears streaming down my face, as the room seemed to spin. "It's all your fault! It's all your fault that I'm bleeding like a stuck pig!" 8

Laura shook her head, as her sad eyes stared into mine, silently crying. "I never meant to hurt you," she whispered, her voice quivering. "You knew we'd never be together. Yes, I slept with you, and yes, we fooled around. I did it because I wanted you to know that..." 9

She tilted my chin downwards until my lips nearly brushed hers. "I wanted you to know that I loved you." 10

She broke down in tears, and dropped to her knees before me, as I released my grip on her neck. I felt the acid in my stomach rising, corroding me from the inside, as I handed her my pocket knife. "Prove it!" I shouted. "Engrave me into your arm, and then I'll know the truth! For if you really love me, then you will suffer as I have for you!"11

She took the bloody knife without question, silent tears forming in her eyes, and winced as the silver blade slid into her creamy flesh. Her pain was exquisite, and the two seemed such a perfect fit. She squeezed her eyes shut, and a solitary tear slid down her cheek as she formed the second letter of my name, then the third. Upon completion of a cursive 'D', she raised her eyes to meet mine. "Please," she begged me. "Let me stop now."12

I felt my blood boiling, a choleric mixture of anger and tears bubbling up inside of me, squeezing their way through my eye sockets, much in the same way that the blood leaked from the corners of Laura's cuts. She stared at me, expressionless, and I knew that she was trying, so very hard, to hide the pain. The torture that I had inflicted upon her mind, the rape of her innocent, compassionate soul, was incredibly evident in those glassy, emerald eyes.13

I hadn't meant to hurt her; I had only wanted her to prove her love just one more time, like she had the other night, when we had made hard, passionate love to each other under the stars. The connection between us, both physical and spiritual, had been amazing: she had dug her nails into my back until she drew blood, sending me spinning into the most mind-blowing orgasm of my life, and lying in the dark with her post-climax had been so incredibly soothing, unlike anything I had ever known. 14

I didn't just like her; I loved her, and the searing pain that flooded my soul was hurting me even more than the sharp blade sawing through my skin. 15

I reached over, pulling her close to me. "What have I done?" I sobbed, shaking as I dissolved into hysteria. "What have I done?" 16

I stared at her, the tears in my eyes now burning them from the inside, blurring my vision. "Laura, forgive me," I pleaded, snatching the pocket knife from her hand. "Please, forgive me!" 17

She bit her lip, fighting back tears, as she hugged me tightly. Her blood-soaked shirt, which had once been as white as angel wings, clung to my chest, and she stroked my face gently while I cried. She leaned over, and kissed each of my lacerations, her lips coming away stained in the shade of my impurity, of my loneliness. 18

"I told you that I loved you, Rod," she whispered, her voice resonating off the walls. The cold warmth in her echo chilled me to the bone, and I longed to hold her closer to me again. "And I wanted you to know how much I feel. It's going to be so hard to live without you." 19

She took off her engagement ring, and set it on the windowsill. "For the moment, I am yours."20

Unable to believe what she had just said, I pulled her closer and held her, shaking from head to foot. "I love you, Lor," I murmured into the crook of her neck, as I rested my head upon her shoulder, caressing her skin softly, like a porcelain statue that I was afraid of breaking. Fresh tears streamed down my face and into her hair, like a soft, spring rain, and I felt her trembling in my arms. "But I can't do this. I've caused you enough heartache." 21

I pulled the knife back out, slicing into my skin once more, as I suppressed the next flow. "Two cuts for every one I gave you." 22

White-hot pain shot through my body like a house on fire as the silver blade tore through me, eating away at my soul. I had longed to give life to my sorrows, and I had found the perfect outlet, emptying my emotional pain through holes in my physical being. 23

"Rod, please," Laura sobbed, brushing a stray tear from her eye. "I can't let you do this. It breaks my heart to see you like this, but... My place is with Alex."24

She slipped her hand into mine, managing to knock the knife from my grasp, as she kissed my arms, which spat angry red tears of regret and loss, built up over so many years. My blood coloured her lips the most beautiful shade of crimson and, as I looked into her pain-filled eyes, I knew then that she was right: I had to let her go.25

I passed her the engagement ring and, as I did so, the bitter tears stung me, almost as if I were bleeding from the eyes as well. It felt as though my heart were physically breaking as it beat its wings against my ribcage, and I felt like I would self-destruct any minute. She kissed me, the blood on her lips leaving a red print upon my own, which seemed to incinerate my flesh, almost like a chemical burn. I held her small frame tightly in my muscular arms, hanging on for dear life.26

"I love you," I whispered into her ear, kissing her neck. The pain of losing her was surreal, almost as though my soul were deteriorating from the inside, and I didn't know how I would cope without her love. She was the only one who had truly cared for me, and I loved her back, but I knew that, if I really loved her, then I had to let her be with the man to whom she rightfully belonged.27

"Get out of here," I told her. "Please, Lor. Just go, before we hurt each other more!" 28

Tears welled up in my dark eyes as I held her tightly to me. "I lack the words to tell you how I feel, but... I want you to be happy! Please, forgive me, and forget all we ever had!"29

Obediently, she stood and hugged me. "I love you, Rod," she whispered. She touched my cheek gently, and left the room, taking with her my heart, my soul, and anything sacred left in me. 30

"Goodbye, love," I replied, feeling terribly hollow inside. "Goodbye forever." 31

I stared out the attic window, into the storm that still raged outside as she departed. A clap of thunder rang out, just as the church bell struck twelve, and the sky wept for the loss of my love. I picked up the knife from its spot on the wooden floor and gouged myself again as I burst into tears. 32

All I had left of the love of my life was a memory, her name etched into my arm, and the feeling of emptiness deep inside. As the blood poured down my arms, in perfect synchronization with the tears on my cheeks, I took comfort in the pain, for it was purely physical. Time would forgive me for the wounds inflicted upon my body, but the scars upon my heart would never heal.

Author notes

Option 3
Ideal date: February 16th and Ville Valo... lol

This short story was the inspiration behind my NaNoWriMo 2007.

This short story is part of an ongoing series, from the perspective of Rod, my slightly-bipolar, manic-depressive, and suicidal character, who is just not 'all there'. This is love, as seen in his twisted mind, and the reason for his self-harm is the love of the woman whom he knows he cannot have.

I've gotten a lot of comments that it some details are a little vague or left out completely. That's because it became part of a novel shortly after I wrote it, and I obv. haven't posted the novel due to copyright issues, etc... If you want to know specifics of the plotline, please ask!

In a list

A contest entry

This is part of a novel, and the rest isn't here, due to copyright issues... If you have any questions, please ask me! Thanks!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 42 of 42

  • tallblondie gold member
    October 26, 2008

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    Intense and engaging story. I enjoyed the decriptive language that you used in this piece, as well as the sorrow and heartache painted by your words. I had some issues with the grammar in this story, and have included a couple of instances that stood out to me - and have provided some explanations:
    [5] '...features; Her...' - though the semi-colon use is correct, 'Her' shouldn't be capitalised, as a semi-colon is not end of sentence punctuation.
    '"Rod?" She called' - incorrect dialogue tag form. Though 'Rod' is followed by a question mark, the dialogue tag should not be capitalised as 'Rod? she called' forms a complete sentence.
    [12] 'two seemed a perfect fit' - sentence syntax dictates that this phrase belongs to 'Her pain was exquisite' - when I think you may be referring to the previous sentence - I would suggest rewriting the two sentences so that the syntax is not as confused.

    Thank you for your entry in Sheer Brilliance.


  • BrokenDawn
    August 14, 2008

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    Wow this is amazing I honestly don't have any other words for it but it fits my contest perfectly. Thank you so much for entering and I hope to someday read you novel.
    ~dawn♥


  • moonwriter
    July 15, 2008

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    I have to agree with my friend below. This was amazing. I was really impressed. Great job! I loved how descriptive this was!


  • TheFemmeFatale
    July 9, 2008

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    WOW.

    This was incredible, really. I personally loved all the anaologies, they were poetic and descriptive at the same time.

    It made more sense, of course, when I read the Author's Notes, but, as this is part of a longer series, I can see why it lacked certain details.

    Beautiful work, heartbreaking.

    I loved "So many, in fact, that almost every inch of exposed flesh on my body was raw, and my crimson love, my scarlet pain, poured from my cuts like red tears mourning her love."

    That's gorgeously worded and so sad!

    Thank you so much for entering!


  • AllOuta
    June 8, 2008

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    So lost in the literary term forest I can't see the charries for the analogies

    Wow. You really don't give your reader a chance to breathe do you? You leap from one large analogy to the next, sometimes having one in nearly every sentence of the paragraph. I think it adds a bit of surrealism, and overkill- that the ultra deep description makes you loose sense of plot and there is almost not character description. You said this is part of a book (and congrats on that!) so maybe in earlier chapters you have described them plenty. The emotion is good- raw and harsh the best way I like it but you never say (here at least) if they get back together. A story like this just proves that love is futile and worthless that it only causes pain.

    But thanks for entering anyways.


    • Immortal Obscurity silver member
      June 9, 2008
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      I can see why it appears that way. From my own experience, pain is love, and love is pain... They're one in the same, really. But to each, his or her own

      The point of the novel, hence the title, is that love is like blood; in that it's at the heart of every human being, and what keeps us alive in even the most trying times.

      The novel itself is undergoing a series of edits at the moment... Maybe I'll post it here sometime after publishing

      Thanks for the comment

      Laura x


  • WillyLee
    May 23, 2008

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    This is pretty well written, with good pacing, a good mix of dialog and description, and held my interest. Grammar and mechanics are also good. A little more blood than I like to see, but I am happy that Rod has only three letters in his name.

    I really enjoyed reading it, and I think it is pretty good as a confessional romance. This is an edited version of a comment I posted a while back. I see this story is part of a longer story, and so cannot really be fully criticized without reference to the rest of the story.

    Regarding the metaphor of the heart being a bird beating its wings within the ribcage: I have seen this before, though I can't remember where. It may have been used by numerous authors. Still it is a somewhat uncommon and elegant idea, which might give the impression of being originated by you, when it was not. I would not have used it.

    Thanks for entering the contest.

  • Thedamned77
    May 3, 2008

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    Heart-wrenching. So vivid and real. Incredible imagery. I could see it as if I were there. Poor Rod. What ever could tear them apart?


  • Memoirs of a Girl
    May 2, 2008

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    So very sad.

    This story is so very sad, and it touched my heart. I felt the pain that Rod felt, I cried with him. I felt crushed for him, and I felt like I was watching a dear friend of mine go through this kind of pain, even though Rod is fictional. I connected so well with this story, and I could feel the emotion seeping out of it.
    Thank you so very much for entering.
    ~Memoirs

  • horlarmiday
    April 24, 2008
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    hi, job well done. bt I'really want to know if Laura marry ALex or Rod, pls I want to know

  • creationsfromheart
    April 22, 2008

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    you managed to capture a lot of emotion s in this story and filled it with imagery lovely write


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    April 18, 2008

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    Excellent imagery and emotion and metaphor. This was very well-written....but I have to admit that it was difficult for me to read because of the self-harm content. Self-harm is, in my mind, one of the most painful things to "watch." You are definitely very talented, though - keep penning!

    • Immortal Obscurity silver member
      April 18, 2008
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      I agree... I've never done it myself, but I guess one could say it's an attempt to understand what would cause someone to do that. Obv. the whole novel isn't here, but perhaps it will be one day Thank you for commenting!

      Laura xxx


  • Starlight-Kisses
    April 18, 2008
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    thank you mine to

  • Starlight-Kisses
    April 18, 2008
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    wow this was a great piece it was a love and an upsetting story *dries tear from her eye* it was well written and well done but you forgot one of my rules I want to know what your favorite animal is you can put it in you author notes you're not dq because many other entries have made the same mistake i'll check it again later and good luck in the contest

  • Max654sapien
    April 16, 2008
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    Beutiful story. Beautifully told, but I'm sorry I couldn't get into it though I'm just not into the sado-macho thing.

  • Xabstruse
    April 15, 2008

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    I loved it. It was dark, sad, and very well writen.
    This is MY kind of story, you really got my attention with this one. Brilliant =D It was sad..I didn't cry, though.

    Thanks for entering.

  • HoneyAngel
    April 8, 2008

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    Wow, this is fantastic. I love it and it brought tears to my eyes. Such a love that can not be had. It is such a shame. I would love to know the details. I would have loved to read the novel in it's full.

    This is fantastic and I really enjoyed it.

    Great piece

    Good luck.

    Angel.


  • Twilight4Eternity
    March 30, 2008

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    Powerful!

    This was one of the most powerful writes I've ever read. The descriptions and imagery are simply amazing. From the first line I was hooked and couldn't stop reading. It was a perfect dark write.

    As I read some lines it made me think of the song "what have you done now" by Within Temptation.

    I love how you portrayed the characters, and while it makes you wonder why she has to be with Alex, it's just part of the mystery that makes you love it that much more.

    Your writing style is so moving, I admire your talent. You have a true and wonderful gift. I felt like I was in the moment. I was pulled into the story. The pain and loss built up inside me to where I was nearly sick with the emotion.

    The power of your words is indescribable.


  • callthexylophone
    March 4, 2008

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    I think I would have liked it better if I had known more about Rod and Laura and why she HAD to be with Alex. HOWEVER- good imagery, Laura's descriptions float near cheesy but aren't quite yet, so that's good. Great stuff, and good luck

    • Immortal Obscurity silver member
      March 8, 2008
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      Like I said, it's part of a novel, so it's kind of hard to understand if you've not read the whole thing I haven't posted the rest, though, because it was my NaNoWriMo project, and you know... copyright issues, the works... Anyway, I'm glad you liked! Thanks

      Laura xxx

  • Denierim
    March 2, 2008

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    Wuah I love this! Among all the twisted love you put to this piece, there's the one thing that makes all us human beings the same; love itself. I've heard so many times that people are ready to do anythign about love and your character showed that well, though in a twisted and a bit of a creepy way...

    I liked the main character also... I love characters like this that show the weakness of a human soul when it comes to loosing love. Even when going as far as he did, he shows so well how much he really loved her... That's beautiful if you ask me.

    I like this story a lot. It's filled with so much emotion it struck me hard... Now I want to read more...

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • Crying Angel Eyes
    February 29, 2008

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    WOw this was powerful and kind of creepy, i am not sure how i feel about it, i like it but its also kind of painful, it like i cant put my emotions in words but welcome to the finalists.


  • always feel pretty
    February 23, 2008

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    Wow. I like, loved this. It was strong, powerful and to be honest, it gave me goosebumps.

    This is kind of creepy but it's beautiful at the same time. *just realizes that other people have commented the same thing* But it's true.

    good luck in the contest. thanks for entering.


    erica♥xoxo


  • Ninja Bubble
    January 26, 2008

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    You have diction down to a science! The word choice was just superb! I love this one like a lot! I didnt see anything wrong at all, all I saw was greatness. And as for Nanowrimo, then They'd be crazy not to pick you!


  • Yoko
    January 19, 2008

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    Great story. Nice use of words. That girl has strong feelings for him. That is what I call depression. Keep writing. Mew!


  • This Will Hurt
    January 16, 2008
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    Wow. Not only was this beautiful ans absolutely amazing: but it kinda creeped me out, too. (Just to let you know, I'm not easily creeped out by things such as this.) In other words, this was really powerful yet depressing. It kept me interested from the start, and I liked your use of similes and metaphors. Thanks for entering, and good luck!


  • OkapiShomapi
    January 10, 2008

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    "pouring my heart through my eyes"
    beautiful.

    After reading just the first two paragraphs, I think you have a thing with commas. There are several that I would delete completely, if I were you: the commas after 'through the trees,' completely alone,' 'didn't comfort me,' 'had come here,' 'shown me love.' The sentences are really nice and I love how complex they are, but the overuse of commas just breaks them apart and disrupts the flow of an otherwise intriguing plot start.

    "my crimson love, my scarlet pain, poured from my cuts like red tears mourning her love"
    Beautiful. And the comma issue got a lot better after the first couple paragraphs!

    "had been amazing; She had dug her nails"
    This semicolon should be a colon, I think, and 'she' does not need to be capitalized.

    This is a beautiful story. You have described his pain so vividly, and hers as well. The only thing is, I'm left wondering: "What makes Alex so special that she would give up such a beautiful relationship for him?"

    Thanks for a great read, and good luck!

    annye

    • Immortal Obscurity silver member
      January 11, 2008
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      Thanks for pointing it out! When I was in school, I had comma use shoved down my throat, so I suppose I do have a thing with them! I'll try and fix it, though... Thanks a lot


  • stardust3492
    January 10, 2008

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    The descriptoin is amazing. I think you could describe Laura a little more, though, like what she looks like or what her personallity is. Overall, good job and good luck in the contest!


  • BluRobyn
    January 8, 2008

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    I'm trying to give some constructive criticism so if these corrections are wrong, sorry.
    1) Paragraph 3, line 4 'psychosis,' should be 'psychosis;'.
    2)Beginning of paragraph 7, 'Laura shook her head, as her' I think it should be 'Laura shook her head; as her'.
    3) Paragraph 17, line 2, 'almost as though my soul were deteriorating', I'm not sure but I think it should be 'almost as though my soul was deteriorating'.
    Ok, that's the horrible bit over, now for the good bit. I thought it was very descriptive, I could see what was happening clearly in my mind, which was good 'cos it meant that it was easy to follow. The emotions you created in the character were brilliant, so believable but yet kind of relatable (not as in cutting the arm as in his loss and grief). I don't usually like reading this kind of stuff but for once I wasn't too bothered so *brownie points* for that. All in all, great story, really liked it, well done.
    Happy new year
    Robyn


  • Athena of Starlite
    December 2, 2007

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    A bit cliche, our little Romeo here. It was very well written though, good pace, good language, good dialog. Laura seemed a bit Mary-Sue-ish, very under-developed. Rod was brilliantly done, though as I already said, a bit of a classic "emo" Romeo-esque sadistic possessive man/lover. The last para. was a little cheesy as well. I wonder, though, if you would send me a couple of your other stories; I'd like to read some different stuff of yours.


  • emperess27
    November 30, 2007

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    Very Good

    I think this is a very well thought out story, I did not see any errors in this story and I think it is very imaginative, You have a believable character. I look forward to reading more of this series. Well Done! Kais


  • whichcraft Greeters member
    November 23, 2007

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    The title is definitely appropriate for the story however, this isn't the kind of story that I am comfortable with. As soon as your character started carving the name into the flesh, I cringed. I never understood self mutilation for love.


  • indomitable
    November 20, 2007

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    wow, this is stunning and heartrending. what a torturous and vivid story. quite lovely in its screwed up sort of way. fabulous characters and imagery, this was a beautiful write. thank you.


  • Summer Lion
    November 9, 2007

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    There weren't any real mistakes that I could find in this story. I did think that you used commas a little too often which created pauses where I didn't feel there needed to be any, but otherwise this is a really well written story. Your use of words and descriptions are powerful and display emotion so well. You are definitely a talented writer.


  • Kari gold member
    November 2, 2007
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    This was awesome!! Thanks. It was what I was looking for


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    August 10, 2007

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    Wow.. I've marked men but I've not done it this literally, hahaha! the emotions here are just.. well, I was blown away by your use of words and how you managed to hold attention throughout the read. I'm not exactly a fan of blood but this was very symbolic and.. omg, I think it would be torturous for me to do that to the one I love, too...

    Your last paragraph is very powerful... I think we are all diabetic - in a way that sweet things will always have us addicted AND that some scars won't ever heal. ^_^ I guess tears and blood are the same.. in essence, our body secretes them AND they mostly give us or note others of our pain.

    Thank you for sharing this with us and good luck with the contest ^_^


  • Forbidden Romance silver member
    June 9, 2007

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    Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy depressing!!!! *clears throat and gets professional*

    I liked it...very much, but erm yeah. Please consider breaking it into smaller/more paragraphs before someone's eyes break.


  • Phantasmix
    May 28, 2007
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    The paragraphs are huge and a bit hard to dechiper but I really liked everything about it


  • Chemical Imbalance silver member
    May 22, 2007

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    I really liked this story. You do need to break up your paragraphs a bit more and put dialog in it's own paragraph so the flow is better. But the imagery and emotion you put into this piece was wonderful. Great job on this. Thanks for entering the contest and good luck!

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