Dragon Slayer

The boy raced up the hill in a game he and his friends were enjoying, but had no clue about the danger that lay ahead in the mountains. As he reached the top, he dove onto the ground and out of sight. Laughter echoed across the valley, and it seemed nothing could possibly go wrong on this glorious afternoon. A moment later, his friend bounded up the hill after him, slapped him in the back and exclaimed “You’re it!”
But the boy did not move. He lay motionlessly on the ground, his eyes staring straight ahead. His friend started to ask him what was wrong, but then he froze too when he saw what lay before them. The head of a large, golden dragon was poking out of a cave on a distant mountain cliff, its eyes staring straight back at the boys. Its cumbersome body was concealed in the shadows while its nostrils flared with a deep red ember that pro-duced a thin trail of smoke escalating towards the sky.
The boys were frozen to the spot and had only enough courage to muster one word from their lips “DRAGON!” All the townspeople that were outdoors in the valley below heard his cries, and rushed up the hill to see if this accusation was true. But when they reached the children, they saw the dragon and instantly understood the jeopardy their town was in. Within minutes the city council had been called up to find a resolution to this threat.
Everyone knew the dragon had resided in the cave but had been in a deep slumber ever since anyone could remember. They attacked the possibilities of how the problem could be resolved, and finally, came to a conclusion that they would send thirty of their finest soldiers to kill the monstrous dragon.
The troops marched elegantly in rows of three to fight the terrible fiend. Their im-maculate armor shone strongly as they marched up the steep mountain cliff. The wives of the soldiers waited at the foot of the mountain crying in hope that they would see their beloved ones again. The soldiers halted when they reached the foot of the cave ready to attack. Some of the men were feeling the effect of nervousness while others were receiv-ing a rush of adrenaline to fight the monster. The dragon, who by now knew that the town below had discovered of his reawakened activity, had been spying on the movement of the legion up its mountain. So when the army arrived at the dragon’s doorstep, it quickly slid out from underneath the protective roof of the cave and let loose a blazing inferno from its mouth.
The fire spread across the entire mountain cliff, leaving no chance for the sol-dier’s survival. Thirty different piles of ashes were strewn across the dirt for all the sol-diers were dead before they had time to blink. All the townspeople stood there, rooted to the spot and were watching with horror. They could not believe that thirty of their most dearly loved fighters had disintegrated right before their very eyes.
The people in the village stared at the tumbling rocks for just a second and realized the danger to come. So they struggled to slip out of the city but they panicked which only slowed them down. It took only a little more than a couple seconds for the boulders to reach the village, but for the villagers it seemed like a hundred decades. The very few people that made it out before it was too late turned around just to see the juggernaut hammer their city to pieces. The humongous rocks tore through the city like it was a knife slicing through hot butter. The lucky people still inside the town that did not get killed by the impact were instantly buried in falling rubble. Although someone was having fun at the top of the mountain; the dragon was in a festive mood because of the damage he just created.
Now he realized this as his chance to punish and finish the village off for their ig-norance that they actually thought they could kill a dragon with only thirty men. He raced down the mountain, his eyes on the torn up town the whole way. Once he reached the bot-tom he let out a giant roar, symbolizing his final assault. The people retreated out of their torn up homes to the outskirts of the village as the dragon entered the town.
The dragon crashed through the village’s ruins scavenging for dead bodies. He crunched their bones and then realized that humans taste awful and spat them out. Then out of the corner of its eye it spotted a swift shadow dart across the dirty ground behind it. The dragon whipped its head around to find a little boy standing there, surrounded by crumbled house debris.
The dragon instantly recognized him as the youngster that was participating in the game tag at the top of the hill earlier. The only weapon the boy possessed was a small bow and one measly little arrow, not nearly potent enough to vanquish this monster. The dragon recognized this as a challenge and knew he would be easily executing this boy. So it breathed its blazing fire toward the child; when the smoke cleared there were no re-mains of the kid. The dragon realized that the boy had jumped out of the way with super-natural speed, before the flames even arrived.
The dragon let out a roar of anger that filled the air. Then it heard the boy yell from behind it “Dragon, over here,” once again the dragon turned around to see the boy let go of his bow string. Then the last thing it ever remembered was an arrow pierce it’s heart with an instant kill. The dragon toppled over and smacked the ground with a THUD!
“You shouldn’t have interrupted my game, killed my friends, or destroyed my city!” the boy yelled at the lifeless dragon. Then the boy stepped back from his prey to realize the burden he had just vanquished. He raced to the others outside the city to notify them of the good news. The other villagers at first did not even consider the story to be true, a little boy killing a humongous dragon.
No matter how hard he tried the boy couldn’t convince the villagers to go take a look at the dragon because it could still be alive in there. So the boy went back to go find proof that he had actually killed the dragon. When he got to the dragons carcass he in-spected it, looking for something to take back to his people. When he decided what he was going to take he sliced off his proof.
He dragged it back to the villagers and held it up for all of them to see. “Could it be? It is the dragon’s head!” he heard one of them exclaim. “Let’s make him our future leader of our new city,” and “Yes, that’s an excellent idea. It’s the least we owe him for saving our lives,” the conversation in the crowd started. So the boy was made future leader of the village, and successfully led the village through many troubled times.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    May 31, 2007

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    Welcome to StoryWrite

    And thanks for your entry.

    This is a classic tale of child saves village. I like when the hero is an unexpected character who beats the odds.

    Best of luck in the contest.


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    May 26, 2007
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    An interesting tale.

    My dragons usually like the taste of people, especially young maidens. I had one dragon which was a hero. He didn't eat people.

    I was surprised that the boy had supernatural speed. I feel like that should be explained. I would have liked more dialogue and I feel that this story could be expanded easily.

    Andy


  • Radiance
    May 21, 2007
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    Not bad, not bad. It had a fast pacing, and the dialogue was rather unrealistic, but it was good. You have some strangely-placed hyphens, but besides that, your grammar was well done.

    If you elaborate on this story, you could even make it longer, in parts or chapters. It would make quite an interesting book!

    Thank you for entering my contest.

  • Meggh LotusMay
    May 19, 2007
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    This is a really good story, although you need to check your spelling. There are some words with hyphens in strange places. Also, there are some places where the sentences might need to be altered. If you proofread and alter this, it will be word perfect. This is a great story. It's a shame you don't like dragons. I love them! Keep writing, Meggh xxxxxxxxxxxx


  • EmeraldDreams
    May 18, 2007

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    I like the idea for this story, and the boy is certainly an unlikely hero. I was glad he triumphed in the end, as the carnage created by the dragon was a little worrying! thank you for the entry!


  • Maui Jane silver member
    May 18, 2007

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    This has an interesting plot to it, but I feel kind of like it's being rushed through. I'm imagining at the beginning you left out the 'once upon a time' part. It just has that shallow feeling. I think you need to add more... oomph to it. Some excitement so it doesn't read like the dry-eyes commercial guy.

    “You shouldn’t have interrupted my game, killed my friends, or destroyed my city!” the boy yelled at the lifeless dragon.

    This line seems a bit far fetched. As I can't imagine that's what he or anyone else for that matter would say.

    You've got a working plot so all you really need to do is go back and inject some fantastic details and shape your character a bit better - then it will go from being a good outline to a great story! Good luck!


  • Phoenix Orion
    May 18, 2007
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    This sentance is odd and you might want to think about rewording it. Maybe separate it into two sentances to keep it from having so many commas. "Everyone realized that this particular dragon had just awoken from a one thousand year, deep slumber, and knew it would be weak, because it had received no exercise in that time period."

    Instead of "and finally, they came to a conclusion" it should be "and finally, came to the conclusion"

    "in hope that they would see those men again" you might want to use more descriptive words here, maybe something like "see their beloved's again" or something more descriptive about 'those men.'

    you get awfully repetitive in this story with things like, "roared a terrible roar."

    You said the people still alive were buried, and yet continue to say they retreated out of their torn up houses. A little contradictory.

    You refer to the dragon as both a he and an it, choose one and stick to it.

    Always separate different speakers with different lines.

    This story, while interesting, needs work. It is often repetitive, and quite bland. You have what seems like a decent knowledge of the english language, but your use of it is surface only. You need to get more in depth with what you are writing, or else the stories are just there and not something that make people really want to continue.

    Your last paragraph seemed like a way to force everything to work out in the end, which wasn't very good.

    You put hyphens in words that don't need them.

    I liked the idea behind this story, but it really needs work.

    • Jdmc22
      May 18, 2007
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      hm...

      I am 9 years old so i should only barely have the surface of the english language. Do you think this story is good for a person of 9 years of age?

      • Phoenix Orion
        May 19, 2007
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        For a 9 year old boy, this story was very good. Though, it seems from parts of it, that you could do a lot better with it. Keep working, you have a great start for someone your age.


      • Frozen Fire Poet
        May 19, 2007
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        Your good For 9

        Your good for nine

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