Three very different men who don't know each other walk into a small, crowded bar and are seated at the same table, as it being the only table left with a two hour wait for a table of their own.
The first guy was a tanned gay guy, he had a pink T-shirt that had 'Out The Closet!' written in blue across it. Blue jeans to match the writing, of course. Black boots and had his blonde hair gelled up into spikes.
The second man was again very tanned, but he was a police officer and was extremely muscular, in his early thirties and half Greek. He was still in his uniform and his black hair was short but modern. He was wearing a wedding ring.
The third man was a retired weather man, he was a regular to this bar and he was used to sharing tables. He was bald and had a very old looking tweed suit on. He wore glasses and was very shaky and clumsy.
As soon as the odd trio sat down, the waiters and waitresses could smell trouble.
After they had ordered their food, the gay guy initiated the conversation. 'So how is everyone today?’, he said this with the stereotypical gay lisp. The weather man ignored him, not purposefully; he was very hard of hearing.
The policeman replied in a very shy tone 'yes it’s been fine thank you' he smiled weakly. He wasn’t usually shy, he just felt uneasy around gay people. What didn't help was the gay man putting his hand on the officer’s knee.
The gay man didn't even notice the weatherman ignoring him. He was entranced by the officer, 'so are you from the med?' he asked shifting closer.
'Err, yeah' replied the officer shifting away. The drinks came as he was saying that. Mineral water for the officer. Red wine for the weather man and vodka and coke for the gay guy.
During this the weatherman was concentrating on a couple on the table next to them. That wasn't his wife. He turned to look at the people on the other side of them. As he turned he knocked his wine off the table and onto the officer’s lap. The gay man jumped at the opportunity, grabbed a napkin and started dabbing at the officer’s crotch.
'Oooo, you’re a big boy' he said as he turned and winked at the officer.
'I'd rather you stopped that now' said the officer, a little bravery sneaking into his voice. 'This is sexual harassment'.
'But I'm only just getting started' said the gay man with a beaming smile on his face.
'That’s it!' shouted the officer. He pulled out his cuffs and cuffed the gay to the table.
'In to bondage?' asked the gay reaching down to the officers crotch with his free hand.
'NOO!' screamed the officer jumping up and sending the table flying, with the gay guy. The weather man was thrown to the floor and was covered in mineral water. The table hit the couple. The gay could see up the woman’s skirt. He screamed and rolled away pulling the table underneath a waitress sending her into the officer whilst holding ice cream.
The weatherman rolled over to the gay man and whispered in his ear 'are you gay?'.
'Of course I'm gay. Read the T-shirt' he was annoyed now and scared for life after seeing what was up the skirt.
The officer began to walk out when the gay guy grabbed him by the leg 'your not going anywhere big boy' he was still smiling. The officer simply bent down, reached into his pocket. Took out a small canister and sprayed pepper spray in his eyes 'AHHHH, my eyes. My beautiful eyes' he was screaming as he was rolling around on the floor.
The weatherman got up, walked up to the waitress and asked 'Is that man gay?'.
The waitress replied 'Not really'.
Author notes
I've been told this is offensive to gay people [not forgetting I'm gay] so I'm putting a 'disclaimer' on it. You may find my story of stereotypes offensive. So stear clear if your gay and can't take a joke. I can.
A contest entry
- Everyone IS a Winner! by Mai4ever.
350 points, ended June 8, 2007, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Write me a story using.....(updated may 11)(10. OPTIONS) by DemApples.
600 points, ended June 12, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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This is more random than actually funny but I did smile at a few parts.
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OKay...
I'm not offended by this at all....
However...I simply FAIL to see any humor in it. What I DO find funny though, is that anyone thinks this is worth a laugh.
I'm not trying to insult you or anything, that's not my purpose in commenting. And I'm not aiming to cut you down, or hurt your feelings in any way whatsoever....
(you're probably a very nice person for all I know, my opinion is strictly on this story & that's it).
But I just don't think this is funny. lol.
Sorry. (shrugs) -
Hmmm...this is more random and weird than funny. To me at least. Well good luck. ^_^; (still can't get over the weird gay guy...makes me wonder wether all of them are like that)
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Young William...hm....i've heard your name before..i think you're very young arent you.
o yea...coming to the story...i thought it was funny and quite weird. I don't like gay or lesbian stories to say the least but i'm accepting it in this!!
it was fast-paced and the contradiction between the charcters turned on the fun!!! gud job!!! -
Okay, I can totally get into this story. And I am NOT offended in any way. I don't, but I have a friend who totally swishes and over plays the gay card and there is nothing more entertaining than watching him try to pick up a str8 guy. It is funny to see the reactions of folks around him.
And yes, I can see where some people would find this offensive....especially if they too are of the gay persuation. For the most part, most gays are as 'normal' as the str8's that are out there. [blend in and hope you aren't noticed is the standard rule of thumb] But! Every now and then you find someone who stands out! Your character does just that and THAT is what makes your story entertaining.
Anyone offended should just change the gay guy into a hooker and let the same scenario play out and they will be rolling in the isle with laughter.
Some people have no sense of humor.
Don't ever appologize or change your stories to suit anyone else!
Loved it.
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Not impressed one bit
Being a totally out gay man myself I really have to agree with Hetha's comment. You may exhibit the same type of behavior that the gay guy does in your story, but let me tell you and others that may read this: "NOT ALL GAY MEN ARE LIKE THIS!" I am actually very livid and offended by this story. Especially in an era where Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals, and Transgenders are fighting for equal rights. What type of message are you trying to send by writing a story like this? I think it is one of gay men being promiscuous and hitting on anything that has male anatomy. That isn't always the case. Take myself for example: If I know that a man is straight, (such as how I perceive the police officer in your story) I will not try to push sexual inuendos or acts on him, but rather be friendly and respectful towards him. Not too mention, if this story were to happen in real life the gay guy would have ben haulded off to jail by the officer in uniform for his behavior. Even at that I think you really contradicted yourself with the weatherman asking the gay guy if he was gay and the gay guy responding that he was, then at the ende the weatherman asking the waitress if the gay guy was really gay, and the waitress responds with "not really."
As Hetha remarked about the LGBT community, I have to say, having been a member of a local chapter at one time: they would jump on this like a fly on cow dung in a heart beat. This story goes totally against what LGBT stands for, and the rights of other LGBT members. It's stories like this that set us back from gaining the equal rights that we deserve. Not too mention, it puts those who are uneducated, and don't understand the LGBT lifestyles more on the defensive.
I am also sorry that those of you who commented that this story was funny didn't take an actual look into reality and see how this may offend people. -
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I'm sorry
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Don't be, I'm not.
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Stereotypical
Sounds funny, but if no one else has, I'm going to throw up the "caution" flag here.
I'm not bashing you, but I think a little blurb in your author's comments, might fix any LGBT chapter members from getting offended, a disclaimer , like"for entertainment purposes only," might do the trick. Just a caution. No LGBT member in their right mind would act this way in public, especially in handcuffs by a real officer of the law. And some LGBT members ARE officers of the law. For those that don't know, LGBT-Lesbian,Gay, Bi's, Trans. A community driven to educate, and prevent stereotypes and crimes against people from happening. If you meant this to be light and humorous, then please make that known. -
Rather insane. a Little on the funny side but a little voerboard. great work though. "Bondage' lol
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HAHA! Whew..just came home from school and I didn't get a chance to comment this in the morning but just gotta love the gay guy in this. Good luck in the contest!
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LOL x10! I totally heart this- this was such a funny story!! The gay guy was my favorite. He was sooo hilarious!! Good luck!!!
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Hahahaahahaaaa, attack of the gaaaays, hope that never actully happens tho :S Yeah made me laugh.
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...LMAO
MADMADMADMAD
lol rather insane, must say, but what can u do good story -
lol
finally, a fast paced comnedy!!! havent seen one for ages. well that was pretty funny but omfgggg stop writing about gay ppl yooo gay. lol oj well u should write more comedy. larr. -
nice..
this was ok....i also thought the gay guy was funny..lol...especially when he says "into bondage?". good job -
Hmmm... Wow kinda funny. Well I thought the gay man was funny when he was trying to grab the officer, very nice.
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