A letter (drafting)

Let the cliche train roll.

I think I've tried to write this letter to you a thousand times, but I haven't found the words yet.  Where do I start? I guess the beginning works. We found each other back in the days when hopeless romanticism floated through the air like worn out dandelion seeds. It really was a new feeling for me, really.

Fast forward to the first night, June 17th. I was so nervous. I didn't know where the night would go, but needless to say, I was pleased with where it went.

But..

I had expected fireworks, little angels singing, all that jazz, but when we kissed, it was just kind of warm and not altogether boring, but new.

Since then, it seems like I have just gone downhill.

All I can feel lately is a great sadness, because I'm not sure I feel the way you do about me. I love you. And the sacrifices you made for me, I don't deserve.

I love you, I really do, I can't say that enough.

But I'm not even sure who I am anymore.

I used to be so sure, I was Kevin, I was going to the top, I was going to be the best damned archaeologist this world had seen and make a million friends along the way.

But then this year punched me in the face.

Trust me,

you do mean the world to me.

And after I read your letter, I tried for hours and hours to cry, because I know that's what i should have been doing.

You're leaving, and I may never see you again, but somehow, I either can't come to terms with that, or I have lost my ability to cry.

I don't know what this means, and I'm scared.
The lullaby from Pan's Labyrinth won't leave my head, and silly me, I'm taking it as a sign. I've lost myself somewhere in this last year, and I hope to God I can find it this summer before it's gone forever. 2

 4

But you can't help me, you're leaving.  6

But that's okay, because if you've taught me anything, it's that I can have strength and do what I want.  As corny as that sounds, you've helped me out so much.  And I always talk with Nina about how I want to find adventure in life, so refinding myself this summer should be an adventure.  I'm going to visit every place around here.  The forests, the rivers, maybe even the Turner Camp, and see if I can find myself anywhere.8

 10

Then again, I can't help but thinking I left myself somewhere on the grass that night, wishing for it to go on forever, but knowing it couldn't. 12