Letter From Hell On Behalf Of "us"

Finding happiness is the hardest part of all. Everybody says life can't be all that bad; there has to be something good about it. But for some, like me, happiness is just one big step short of beautiful. For them, for me, happiness is only an illusion, something that only happens in fairy tales and hurts. So we die.

How do we die you ask?

We're killed. We kill ourselves, let others kill us, and are killed by our imaginations, our imaginings of what joy truly is. Yeah, a little bit of everything. We let everything kill us in our never ending sorrow.

But mostly it's us...

Why should we live in pain, watching others in all their happiness, never getting our own promised joy? We shouldn't... so we let ourselves die when there are those times that life just leaves you on the ground, stealing your soul with each frail effort to live that life that was given you. That's how we die... slowly.

First, we watch happiness enviously, never getting it for ourselves, hoping somehow life won't get us down. Of course it always does... for those of us who let it. Which brings me to the next part of our slow death.

We imagine. We think of how wonderful it would be to be happy for once, to actually experience the joy of just being able to live through one day without pain. Which leads to us imagining what kinds of things could bring us to that kind of happiness.

Then things just go downhill. We think that somehow, hell may just be better than living a life that's not worth the frosting on the cake that is never put there until the cake is already eaten, stealing away at our souls with every bite.

Then we think,"Maybe it'll be an accident, maybe somehow life will get me up in the clouds where the view is wonderful, just maybe that'll happen. But when I'm disappointed, halfway up on my way to the clouds before the wind knocks me down, I'll just let myself die. Why shouldn't I? The struggle to live alone would kill me; why do I try?

Teddy Roosevelt once said "Some are born great... others have greatness thrust upon them."

We're all wondering when our time of greatness will be. Maybe sometimes people are just normal people who struggle in an unfair world, what if we aren't ever great and will never be great?

I wish I could ask Teddy that now but of course he had to die before my question could be answered...

Don't try to answer my question with false hope. Don't lie and say things will be all right, they'll be okay, because they won't, never... at least not for us. Good for you if your life is happy-go-lucky.

Not us. Not me.

You know, life is full of maybes, but I'm tired of unbalanced pain and health, weighing down the side of sorrow waiting for my maybe...

Why don't they have a word "neverbe"? It makes sense, but then again there is "impossible"...

Yet, inevitably people question impossible. They say that nothing is impossible and leave us hoping until we're only disappointed with fading flowers and dying dreams.

For us, there are no "even if"s.

Only "what if"s.

So we die, are killed, by imagination & illusion, by ourselves, by the world... maybe even you. A simple smile or encouraging word might have saved us.

But it's too late.

We've already died, and I'm writing this letter to you from hell on behalf of us lost souls to say that you and your happiness helped kill us...

but mostly ourselves.