I’ve heard all the reasons why, all the tactics that they try just to keep me here. From as far back as I can remember things were never right I was always lost and alone.
It all started when I was 4 watching as my neighbour took her own life; ending it in front of her son, then when I was 5 school started, I was always the different one, only having one close friend which was always the “troubled one”, then when I was 6 I lost control of my life and to regain it I used food; or lack there of. Years of battling anorexia got me know where, nor mad me anymore happy; it just made things worse and more out of control.
From then on things went from bad to worse, my mother had depression and it was getting worse; drifting further and further away from all of us, my dad started to act up and was later diagnosed with having bi-polar, my sister, my sweet innocent sister was also later diagnosed with bi-polar. Towards the end I was the only unmediated person in my whole family.
My first time was the hardest, seeing the pain in my family’s eyes as I came out of the comer that had held me captive for two weeks after. The second, third and fourth just became easier and by the fifth it was just like another day.
But I always left a letter.
This was the fifth attempt I had made and failed each time I was just drifting further away. I had learnt how to play them at their little game. My life was an act, learning how to “be happy” from all the sessions that I was given, all the talk was rubbish. After every attempt I was let out after 3 months of intense counselling sessions, signing the sheet which said I would take the meds and come back for more check ups.
I did go back, tricking them into their world of happiness. Going back and getting more prescriptions once the time was up, even though I wasn’t taking any. After about a year of this they let me go, told me I was okay, okay to go out into the real world without constant appointments, just the meds.
After each year I would see a glimpse of hope which lasts about a second before I realise that I will never be free of this world.
Before each time I feel that this will be it. I go back in time and remember all in my past; I think about how I got here, why I am who I am, and what did I do wrong.
My past will never die the many reasons of why I am here never leave me. There are now too many reasons to remember all bottled up and sealed with an act; the act which is called my life.
Things had built up, long ago was I unsure of why I was unhappy, of why I wanted to leave this place. All I knew is that I wanted out. I was stuck in this hole that no one could save me from, I was in it alone and was going to leave this world the same way I had entered it; alone.
This time was going to be different. This time I would win this fight, I would leave.
I walked to my favourite secret hide out, looked over the sea and breathed in the air, salty and fresh.
I didn’t leave a note this time. Everyone already knew that I didn’t want to be here so why bother explaining once again. I sit on the cliff edge, counting the pills that are held so delicately in my hand, 31; a pill for every year I was alive on this earth, swallowing them with a drink of water; I was never a fan of alcohol. Pulling up my sleeve I see the scars, remember the pain of every time one was stitched up; in my right hand I held my knife; straight from the sharpener, running it along my finger I test the blade, feeling as it digs into my skin with very little effort. Holding out my wrist I cut, deep and pure, feeling the relief as my veins and arties open up, watching as the blood comes fourth, the incision is deeper then any of the rest, the blood streaming like a river coming from her flesh and falling onto the rocks beneath.
Standing up I walk over to the trees making sure I was out of site so that no one would be sure to find me. As darkness takes over I can smell the blood the metallic smell that shall never be forgotten. Everything of this is so old to me now and I find myself bored of waiting as my system slowly takes in the meds and empties it self of life.
I wait alone, just like how I entered this world. I sit looking out over the sea, dreaming of freedom.
Soon the spinning and the falling comes. Still I watch as the birds fly free and high. My finial breath soon greats me and I’m greeted with finial happiness.
Life is for a life time, death is for eternity.
A contest entry
- Death.... by Blackwings.
490 points, ended May 16, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Im Not Scared. by asthray.heart.
1000 points, ended May 17, 2007, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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"the blood streaming like a river coming from her flesh and falling onto the rocks beneath" is a tense change from the rest of the piece and "I was out of site" site should be spelled sight. Those two nit-pickings aside, this was a well told story of great pain and angst which really flowed from the page, it was wonderfully visual without having to be overly descriptive and really let the reader into the subjects head. A beautiful and honest look at one persons take on life, and its penultimate, death.
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Nice one!
This piece is very well written, the descriptions are excellent and leap off of the page straight in to the readers head.
The story also has the potential to groiw some long legs with further chapters.
All the best.
jsdk
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, characters: 2.
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"After each year I would see a glimpse of hope which lasts about a second before I realise that I will never be free of this world." favorite line ever. I love it! this entire story is excellent. there were a few spelling mistakes but that doesn't take away any of the emotion captured in this piece. great job!
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needs some work
you had a lot of spelling errors on it. I would type it up in word first and then spell check! that away you atleast catch the small errors and are able to fix them.
Its a great write though!-leiabeginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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yeah i do type it in word frist and nothing came up...its set to australian setting so maybe its different...not sure...but thanks anyway
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yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy sweeet storry hun i liked it alots miss reading your works dear(L) well done
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This was really Good, and It was written very well, and made me feel like it was actually u dieing. Great job, keep up the good work!!
Luv MDH xoxo
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I liked all of the descriptive and emotional writing that you threw into this story. I liked how you made such a crescendo in the story making it more enticing and making you want to read more of it. I'm a sap for descriptive writing you know that already. Haha. Keep it up. I wanna know that character's name. Skimming through this I wasn't able to catch a person's name. ~ZeroKiryu.
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wow you showed so much emoyion in this you did wonderful great job and well writen
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emmm hun i love this alots well doone hun especially the ending
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Wow em this was good and very impacting on the reader. You ca[tured all the emotion well.
Good luck and thanks for entering.
Ebbz.
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Lemma, life is for building forts out of peanut butter and eating your green apples inside. Death is for about 3.5 years, then you are reborn as a kangaroo. (trust me, I know)
Next time your character is sitting out and looking over the sea, give her a set of binoculars so she can search for floating treasure.
Aight, I'll stop being weird to combat the depressive nature of this story Your piece is leaking of sorrow and pent up tears. Excellent writing and imagery
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hmmm why a kangaroo???
Thanks for the weird comment
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Well I could have said spider, but that wouldn't be very pleasant, would it?
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Hmmmm....Happy ending.... Nice job Yayness!!! I liked this a lot thank you soooo much for entering my contest And goood luck
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Oops, one more thing--
There was a couple of grammatical and spelling errors:
know where-- no where
greats- greets
finial- final
..I can smell the blood the metallic..- I can smell the blood, the metallic
And other minor stuff like that.
Anyway loved it!! Again!! -
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Thanks
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=] VERY GOOD
Wow- this was really good. It was powerful and it was just really really good. Sad story...very well written!!! Chyeah you go girl!!!! I really loved this a lot!!!!!
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