The church looked lovely. Beautiful arrangements of white lillies and fern leaves stood atop marble pillars. I should have felt proud to be part of such a wonderful occassion. I should have been happy for the bride and groom.
She looked like a fairytale princess as she swept down the aisle to her Prince Charming, skirts billowing in an ivory lace cloud. He looked like a Mills and Boon hero, so smart and dashing in his immaculate grey morning suit and top hat. They certainly LOOKED like the perfect couple. But I knew the truth.
He was only marrying her for her father's money. He had told me so the night before, when we had laid entwined on silk sheets in the bedroom of my flat.
The service was lovely. Tear-jerking, in fact. Only I was crying for a different reason to the other guests. He kept gazing at me, over her shoulder as they exchanged vows. I knew he would call me as soon as they got back from their honeymoon. The look in his eyes told me as much. I knew I looked good in my new outfit, and his expression let me know he agreed.
The reception was at a beautiful old country manor house. Her father had certainly spared no expense for the bash. Champagne flowed, and it was a proper sit-down meal, not the usual finger buffet. Everyone ate and drank their fill, then the dancing began. They had hired a string quartet for the occassion. I wished I could dance with him, but I knew it was impossible. I tried to console myself with thoughts of the future. He was only going to stay married to her for as long as it took to get her to write him into her will. Then she could be dispatched, and we could be together, financially secure, and happy!
The time came for them to leave. Guests stood around, flinging confetti and cheering. I pecked the bride on the cheek, and wished I could also kiss him. But that would not have been appropriate. I would have to wait. I had to uphold some dignity. I was the best man, after all.
Author notes
Hi there!
"You want a haiku
It's here in all it's glory.
Publish my story!!!" LOL
I would have no idea what kind of publication may be interested in this piece though. I would love to be published one day, and this seems like a great opportunity to get some help.
In a list
A contest entry
- Ring Those Wedding Bells by Isa62v4.
160 points, ended May 28, 2007, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Publishable Prose? by Bitter Irony.
335 points, ended August 7, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Excellent twist at the end!
Watch out for "telling, not showing", especially in the second and third paragraphs. You can take a little bit more time showing why the groom needs the bride's money, etc.
That really is the only criticism I have on this piece. :-) The whole thing is great: great description, great tone, and great characters. My verdict: publishable.
Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 4.
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Very Humorous Twist!
There is no reason you should not be making money at your writing. You are very good. I have rarely read stories in magazines which compare with the overall quality and imagination of your writing. I recommend that you start submitting to the New Yorker magazine. You can do it online. There are many publications in which you could find homes for your stories. You do need to start playing with dialogue some.
Andy
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Thank you so much for your support. I would love to be published, and I shall certainly contact the people you have suggested! Thank you again!
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Wow wow wow. The twist at the ending was totally unexpected and it just popped out at me at the end. Wonderful job with this story, the twist was definitely original. Keep writing!
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Amazing.
I was about to ask what was unique about this, what made it really stand out against other tales of troubled weddings.
The end answered that pretty -blam!- well.
And if you wanted to extend this into something much longer you have a number of avenues, the most obvious being the "dispatched" comment. Even without that, though, there's plenty of depth that could be explored. The narrator obviously feels regret for this, and there's a lot that could be said about that, quite a lot that could happen because of it.
Once again, amazing. Beautifully written, fantastically well done.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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WOw this was really good, nice job would be good if there was more to this a little insight as to what happened when the will was written.
Keep up the good work.
Lady Madeline.
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Wow.
As soon as as I read the last sentence my jaw almost immediately dropped, literally. It was hanging widely.
The end was very surprising I would have never guessed that the one narration the entire thing was male. I was nor expecting that surprise.
I assumed that it was a woman, and that this was straight piece. However, this would have not been as wonderful, if it was a straight piece.
Brilliant idea, though. Wonderful descriptions, amazing job.
This left me wanting more, wanting to know what happens next. This is something that could be longer, but the length that it is now, fits it perfectly.
Very well done.
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Thank you so much for the wonderful comment! I am so glad you enjoyed this one, it was a lot of fun to write
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woah!
nice ending,
you would never see that coming =] -
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Thanks! Glad you liked it!
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Very nice!
What a wonderful "twist" ending-I certainly never saw it coming! -
Naughty naughty...
That ending was quite the surprise! Ohhh...
You did an excellent job leading us into that trap. Fantastically well done. And your descriptions gave a visual feast.
One minor prob I noticed: second paragraph, "prince charming" should be capitalized.
That was it!
~Alainn
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Stunning! Absolutely stunning! The ending one of the best i've ever read! You had me believing it was a female talking the entire time and then you throw homosexuality into the recipe and wow!!!! *gives you a standing ovation*
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Wow, thanks for such a great comment, and the standing ovation! lol Glad you enjoyed this piece, it was a fun one to write!
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Best twist for a long time
I can't even believe that. I'm reading along here, and I'm thinking "This story has really good description", which it does. But you just totally spun my whole view on the story with that last sentence. But really, this story has great description, and the fact that you kept it totally secret till the end was fantastic. Thanks again for reading Monsters law. I'm gonna be doing some work tonight on it...or at least on a layout for it!
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great story...i really liked this paragraph tho
She looked like a fairytale princess as she swept down the aisle to her prince charming, skirts billowing in an ivory lace cloud. He looked like a Mills and Boon hero, so smart and dashing in his immaculate grey morning suit and top hat. They certainly LOOKED like the perfect couple. But I knew the truth. -
Hey
I enjoyed this. I love that ending - and the threat behind the word 'dispatched' just casually dropped in there. Thanks for entering!
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Holy potatoes!!!
That ending!!!! I was like , "Holy potatoes!!!" I a shocked, amazed, and impressed.. The imagery, the feeling- It's all so wonderful! I admite I was a bit taken aback, for some reason flags always go up about homosexuality in writing, although I have no misgivings on the subject. Mostly it's because when I was in my early teens I wrote a lot of fanfiction, and that was about the time everyone decided to write slash, and I suppose it made me a bit bitter .
Anyway though, I thank you for you're very nice comment, and I'm sure I'll add more later to Pirates We Be.
This piece was great, my attention was held fully from the get go. The imagery was not misleading in the slightest, and I could not picture the narrator until the very last moment, because I kept seeing what what going on through their eyes.
A very, very good read.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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