First Exit

So, the girl. It didnt take long after I realized I liked women, to realize that I liked a specific woman. That same woman who had completely rejected my advances towards friendship in the beginning, was now my best friend and my crush.

She was tall. She ad gorgeous blue eyes. Brown hair. Perfect complexion. And when she was near me, my heart raced.

She was also, so I thought, unattainable. She was like a wild horse. Intenible.

It did not stop me from falling head over heels for her, though.

I would come up to visit and we would sleep in her little dorm bed. Playing that girly game of Touch and Go. I would roll in my feigned sleep towards her and accidentally rest my arm across her. She would roll in her sleep and accidentally end up laying partially on my chest. Some morning I would wake to her curled up as close as could be to me without actually being cuddled up to me. I was too shy to make a real move. And apparently so was she.

One day in may, after classes had ended and before exams had begun, she asked me to drive to Indiana with her.

So we did. We drove to Indiana. We had a few goals. One to see a great lake. Two to cross into another time zone. And three to visit her friend in college. We drove pretty much straight through. I think we left around noon or so and arrived around 4am. We may have dozed off a few times at the side of the road, but for the most part we just kept each other amused.

We talked and talked. About everything. About love. Relationships. Sexuality.

I discovered then that she did not believe in monogamy. It was a crushing blow to my hopes. I could not get involved with someone who was not going to be monogamous. It would just break my heart.

So, it was a very educational trip, but it lowered my spirits. Not only did she seem to me to be unattainable, but even if one could attain her.one could not hold on to her. She truly was like a wild horse. I didnt think I was quite ready to run with the wild horses.

After arriving in Indiana at four in the morning, we stayed until around noon or so and then took the return drive back to college. She had an exam at noon the next day.

Again, we drove through the evening and though the night. We made a stop off in Pittsburgh for a few hours to visit with another one of her friends. That was around 10pm I think. We got back on the road and pulled into Syracuse shortly after sunrise.

All in all it was a wild and crazy ride. Thank god, I had no exams to take. I dont know how she even made it to the test, let alone passed.

My crush had turned to adoration. It was obvious probably to all those willing to observe. I obsessed over what to do. Whether to approach her about it. I talked to everyone except her.

She was not unlike an angel on a pedestal, and I a pilgrim at her feet.