Long fire red hair danced in the salty sea breeze. A single black knee-high boot rested on the ships railing. Eyes that mirrored the water in color and mood scanned open ocean as faint rays crept in from the east. Captain Dru Kasbah placed her feathered hat on her head and turned to face her men.
“What do you say, men?! “ She yelled.
“Aye!” They answered unanimously, fists in the air.
“Has not your Captain made you all wealthy in these past five years?” She asked.
“Aye!” answered her faithful crew.
“And has she not made you even richer on this night?”
“AYE!” They screamed raucously.
“Well then fill those gullets full of American rum, men! And drink to your comrades, your captain, and your ship!”
“Aye!” Most of the crew removed their leather flasks.
“To the Midnight Sail!” Toasted Dru.
“To the Sail!” repeated the pirates on the deck before drinking deep.
Dru stepped down from the railing and sidled past the half drunk crew into her cabin.
It had been a good night, but she was not one to celebrate partial victory. The past months had brought her more and more news of another pirate ship. She, Dru Kasbah, was the Captain of the fiercest bunch of pirating fiends around, and there was not a coast in the Caribbean where that name was not feared. But she had head an increasing amount of rumors being told about another ship, another Captain, another crew. And it enraged her. Her infamy was at stake and she wanted nothing more that to drive her rapier through this other Captain’s heart. She slammed her fist on her desk. Who did this guy think he was? Who indeed. She had been looking for any information on him for weeks. No one seemed to know exactly who this man was.
She recalled a conversation with a frail old man at the bar.
“Seen him? Yeah yeah, I’ve seen ‘im. Reckon I got a better look than anyone else, tell ya true… He came in at 2’o clock on near moonless night. “The man lowered his voice so only Dru heard him. “He was silent as death, and was his crew. He drifted like fog. I only saw him by happenstance; I was just looking out to the harbor as I was reading. They took everything. Some folks never even woke. The mayor was still asleep when his servants woked up an found all his valuables been stolen. .. Those men weren’t human, I tell ya that. They moved so silent. . ransacked all the wealthy, and only wound up killing 2 men. Both servants at the old Hickory manor, they were… I’d wage they got in his was.
But yeah, I’ve seen him. He was just getting back on his ship.. and.. he turned about and .. I think he looked right at me through my window. I couldn’t see his face.. but those eyes… they glowed gray.. like somethin’ straight outta hell…” The man trailed off into his tankard, and would not speak anymore to Dru for the rest of the night.
Dru pulled out a map and made a little ‘x’ on the harbor the Sail had just left. She’d run him through, devil or not.
Author notes
Just the very first part of the story I had in mind..should I submit the other parts to the conest, too?
A contest entry
- Pirates by Drac.
160 points, ended October 11, 2007, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Not your average princess (A contest for anti-heroes) by Unpredictable Lover.
210 points, ended August 1, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Random Options by Rini.
375 points, ended October 8, 2007, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Critique and title please..*love*
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Well, i dunno about the contest, but I'd love to read the rest of this =]
There isn't anything for me to critique on this, but thanks for the great read
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Aww.. thanks. There are a few more parts up, like. .5? But I hvan't finished it.. so.. yeah ^^
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I think you should definitly sumbit the other parts of the story into the contest as well! Thank you!
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"had head an increasing" I think you mean heard.
Wow, okay I am definitely liking this. I don't need you to submit anything more to my contest because this is definitely more than enough good writing to get my attention and keep it. I'll read the rest another time, soon.
Thanks for entering!
*oh and you'd better not decide to never finish the series because I haven't read a really good pirate story in a long time.* -
I read this so long ago, but completely forgot to comment. I like the twist you give it with a female captain. But my favortite part is the description the old man gives of the mysterious captain. It gave a clear picture, while leaving him mysterious enough to keep me curious. Nice.
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Hhahaha! The story made me laugh
this certainly is an antihero - much like Johnny Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow. I have to admit that even if she reminded me of him, I liked your Dru better Yay girl power!
However.. I feel this was too short for me to actually grasp more of her character but don't take me wrong I heavily enjoyed this might even see more of your pieces
Good luck with the contest! ^_^ -
I enjoyed this- and look forward to reading the rest of it! Only one quibble- and it's a very minor quibble- is I found the wording a little... odd?... in places. Modern-day phrasings like "who did this guy think he was" seemed... out of place?... for the setting.
Like I said, though- only a minor quibble.
And that's probably only because I'm a grammar nerd.
beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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this was good but i found a mistake. In bullets you said gullets. Is it sopossed to be like that? I there something i am missing?
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I absolutely love your writing style. Clean, concise and full of wonderful flow and personality
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wow I really liked this!
It was written nicely, but what I loved about the plot was that it was a girl captain. I really hate that most of them are men, lol. So I liked the woman thing. That made it better in my opinion.
I love that fact that I can picture everything like in the movies, you did a great job with the imagery.
I do agree with Cory though, pirates have been a little...popular because of Pirates of the Carribean, but I still liked that you entered.
Great job! Good luck!!!
xoxo
Tay
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I really liked this. It was well written. I think you could change the first two sentences into one if you added a comma. I love how she seems power hungry. She wants to be the best. That seems like a pirate to me. Good job on this and good luck in the contest ^.^
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Hmm. The title is catchy, and I like it. And I liek the story too. If it where for the contest, then I might be a little precarious of reading this since it seems a sudden flood of pirate stories have stormed the beaches after the opening of Pirates of the Carribean yesterday.
Anyway, you did wel lwith this part and kept it going. Good job. Good luck in the contest.
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.. Oh well, to be fair I did write this a bit back, lol..
But yes, I was at the 8 pm show last night, in full pirate gear no less, but I can say confidently that my pirates aren't like Jacky boy. There's several more parts to this, if you're interested, but I can tell you that you'd only need to read part two to find out of you wanted to read the rest
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Nice!
It's good to see a female captain once in a while. :-) I suggest you add more of a hook to the beginning, though--I was turned off by the almost purple prose of the first line. Luckily, your good characterization and excellent voice pulled me back in. It's good to see a story written in a definate style for once, instead of a mix of whatever the writer's feeling at the time.
Good luck in the contest!
~Bitter Ironybeginning: 2, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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I like this story very much. I would like a little more description though, of the crew, the man, and the boat.
I REALLY like the idea of a female captain. But I'd like to know how other pirates and people react to this. Because wasn't it a superstition that it was bad luck to have a woman on board? I would really like it if you were to elaborate on this.
I absolutely love this story and am looking forward to reading more from you!
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eep! I should have read this earlier. It's a good story and I like it. Your writing style is great, and it was written well. Great job!
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This is very well written. I like the idea of a female pirate captain. I think that's an interesting twist. I only saw a couple spelling mistakes, nothing major. I thought you captured the language of pirates quite well. Excellent work. I will read on!!!!
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very nice.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I love stories about Pirates. I love this one. YOu write so well and you pull the characters out of the story and put them in the room beside you. I felt as I was in the story myself. Great write.
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the story was good although let me point out the "American Rum" doesn't fit in the context of a pirate.. perhaps you could change "American" with something else to get a better feel of the pirates rum...
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Nice!
Very nice! I would appreciate it if you would add the rest too. Thanks and good luck!
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Hey, sorry for not commenting before (don't have much time these days).
This is a very interesting story with great descriptions of the cap- well, actually both captains, lol. Also, I couldn't really spot anything that needs to be corrected, Great job!
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One thing could be changed.
"Her infamy was at stake and she wanted nothing more THAT to drive her rapier through this other captain's heart."
I think that this was a typing error, I think you meant "than," instead of "that."
I understand everything better now, I had clicked on your story here on the side, part 3, I should have back tracked instead of clicking on the 3rd part right away.
Good description, interesting events... I am on to the next part!
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I'll read your next part to, and then I'll rate them both as one... Fair? =)
Anyway, so far... I love it! =D
Just the kind of pirate story I was looking for! Suspense and a drunk crew! =)
Exellent work! =)
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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i loved the description of the captain at the beginning, especially the part about her eyes. it was excellent description. it really set a scene. she now has a motive for persuing this other captain, he seems like an interesting rival, and the scene is set nicely. this was a good piece.
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I liked this story mainly for the pirates. Pirates rule! I liked everything about it.
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