First Comes Hate, Then Comes Marriage- Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Chuck Norris vs. Steven Seagal

Its strange how life changes. One day you’re eating Captain Crunch, reading Chuck Norris facts online, and then next you’ve locked yourself in the bathroom cabinet so your parents can’t make you marry your worst enemy. Yeah we need to treasure these moments.

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“Lonnie! Where in god’s name are you?” Cleo, my dear sister. That evil hooker! She knew all about the ‘business deal’ and didn’t say a word to me! I will kill her! I heard Cleo walk into my room and open the closet door. “Lonnie! Jeez! Come out now!”

Heavier foot steps entered my room, then whispering between Cleo and someone with a very low voice. God damn it, I can’t hear a thing! Cleo’s softer foot steps lead away from my room and then I heard the click of her heels against the wood floors in the hallway until I heard nothing. Okay time to assets the situation. I’m still cramped in a tight, small space, under my sink. Cleo has given up on finding me, and there is a man in my room, who could be my father or my Uncle James. Things could be worst.

Then the foot steps got louder. Crap, he is coming this way! Don’t panic Lonnie! Stop breathing as soon as the door opens. The bathroom creaked open. The person walked slowly into my large bathroom then stopped right outside the cabinet I was hiding in.

I covered my eyes. My theory is if I can’t see you, you can’t see me. The cabinet door opened and light flooded in between my fingers. “I though you’d be hiding here. A little second grade don’t you think, Lonnie?” I removed my hands and stared at the bastard.

“Go to hell Dakota. And leave my ‘emo’hole alone.” I reached for the cabinet door to close it, but Dakota grabbed my hand and carefully pulled from the cabinet.

“Emo, huh? No. You’re much too blonde to be emo.” He laughed at me and pulled me into my room.

I stuck out my tongue at him, “How the hell do you know I’m not an emo in disuses? Huh?” He let go of my wrist and flopped down on my bed. Bastard! All his ugly man germs are going to get on my sheets.

He closed his eyes and smirked, “I know because, I’ve known you since we were in dippers.” He sighed, “Man, Lonnie. Why are your beds so comfy?”

Huh? I turned and looked down at him. “What are you talking about?” It’s weird, looking at him on my bed. If I didn’t know any better I’d say he looked like a cutie, but since I do know better I know he is an evil, demon-boy.

He stretched out and yawned, “You heard me. Your beds are always so much more comfy than mine. Some times when I can’t sleep, I go to your room at the house, and for some reason I can sleep so much better.”

Okay, that’s a little weird. But I know what he is talking about, some times during thunder storms I go to Dakota’s room and everything is better. Which by the way, is so dumb seeing how he is the whole reason I’m afraid of thunder. “Gross, Dakota! You sleep in my bed? Great now I’m going to have to burn the whole mattress, just so you nastiness are off it.” I sighed.

He chuckled, “Don’t worry you’ll have new sheets before we get there. By the way you’re still coming, right?” Did I just detect I hint of concern in his voice?

“Aww, Kota bear. Would you miss me?” I used the nickname I gave him when we were 3. For some reason I thought he was cute, kind of like a teddy bear. Looking at him now, with his muscular frame and shaggy red hair, he looks more like a big, scary Grizzly bear.

He opened his forest green eyes, “You know I would. Besides, I need some one to torture for the next two months,” he broke out into a huge smile, “And it’s so funny to hear you scream like a little girl, Lola bunny.”

I stared at him. No one has called me Lola for like the tenth of ever. But he’ll pay for that later; right now I have bigger fish to fry. “So what are going to do about this ‘arrangement’ we have found ourselves in?”

The teasing in his eyes died, and for some odd reason I felt guilty about it. “I’ve been thinking about it, a lot actually.” He sat up and stretched out. “When I was running, I came up with a great idea.” He flashed me a big smile.

“What’s your great idea, Sherlock?” I placed my hands on my hips. What great idea, can this muscled bond, jock honestly come up with.

“Let’s get married.” He smiles proudly.

I stared at him. What…did he…just say? I think my eye just twitched… What the hell is wrong with Dakota?! Oh my God!! The parents must have brainwashed him! Quickly back to the emo-hole! I made a dash for the bathroom and got one step before Dakota’s cage-like arms grabbed me and throw me on my bed. I bounced 3 feet into the air.

“Slow down, Lonnie. Think about it. If our parents think we want the wedding, then they’ll back off.”

I glared at him. “That’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard! What do you think, if we get all lovey-dovey they’ll be all, ‘Aww, the look so happy together, I know lets not let them get married!’ What kind of logic is that?! Good all those steroids must have damaged your brain!”

Dakota gave me the must hateful look ever, I expected that, but it was the flash of emotion that shone in his eyes before it was over come by his great detest of me. Was it amassment, caring, or something a together I don’t want to even consider? “Lonnie, use that blonde head for once and prove to me your not as empty head as I think you are. They can’t make us get married at 16 its illogical, they’ll probably wait till we are 18 to make us.” I nodded. “But when we are 18 will be considered adults, there for not we can be make our minds.”

Oh I get it now, “So they can’t make us get married!” I stood up on my queen sized bed. “Brilliant, Dakota! Brilliant! You are so amazing! Can’t even believe it!” I jumped up and down on my bed, “We’re not getting married, we’re not getting married!” I sang out loud. Freaking sweet! Dakota might be an ass, but he is an ass with an incredible brain!

Dakota jump on the bed with me and jumped up in down too. “Second verse, same as the first!” For the next like 7 minutes we jumped up and down on my bed, singing at the top of our lungs, and dancing like idiots. If someone came in right now they’d think we were on crack. This continued until we fell on the bed laughing. Okay, maybe we are on crack.

“Lonnie, Dakota! Its time to go!!” my mother called loudly. Aww, we were bonding, though… Yeah, that was weird.

Dakota was the first to get up. He rolled off the bed and landed on the floor with a big ‘thud’. I scooted over to the ledge where he fell laughing at his stupidity, while he glare at me then smiled as he sat up. “Come on Lonnie; let’s put operation ‘Happy Ever After’ into action.” He stood up and stretched out.

I got up off my bed and caught a glimpse of us in my mirror. Man we look so different, Dakota all tall and muscles with his dark red hair, and Hollister t-shirt, and me, short and curvy with long, almost white curly hair dressed in jeans and a white tank top. Different but similar.

I shook my head and went to grab my lab top. Dakota was next to the door holding a small bag of my personal things, like my blanket, my camera, and my stuffed bear that has so many stitches in it because Dakota felt the need to try to destroy it any chance he got over the years. I eyed him; I wonder if he still has that urge…?

“You ready to go partner?” he lend against the door frame. Growing up Dakota was always a smart boy. He made the plains and other kids, including me on special days, would fallow them. Why should this idea be any different?

“I’m ready, partner.” We walked down the hall and stopped at the staircase. “Here we go Dakota and remember not to lay it on too thick, let them think we are still rebelling against the idea.” He nodded.

We made our way down stairs; I flashed a fake smile to Dakota but made it fade when I pretend to see our parents. My mother and Aunt Pree frowned a little. It hurt making them unhappy, but hell they’re the ones who are forcing us to get married.

“We’ll are we already to go then?” Uncle James said happily. It was totally forced.

“Yeah.” I hugged my parents and Cleo good-bye. And watched as Dakota did the same.

Mom kissed Dakota on the cheek, “See you kids in a week or two. We will come to visit.” She hugged him tighter, then let go. We walked to the SUV Uncle James got Aunt Pree last Christmas, Dakota and I got in the back and the adults got in the front with a tented glass window that separates the front form the back.

It is at lest an hour drive from my house to the O’Malley beach house in a small town called Orchid Bay. We come there every two years, you see one summer I spend time with the O’Malley’s at their house and the next summer Dakota spends time with my family at my house and vise-versa. I turned on my laptop, and hit the internet icon, which brought me to the greatest website ever. Chuck Norris.com!! OH yeah baby!

“Oh don’t tell me you’re into that jerk?!” Came Dakota’s pained voice, “Chuck Norris is a chump!”

I blinked at him…What did he just say…? “You…don’t like…Chuck Norris…?” I must’ve misunderstood him. Who can’t love chuck Norris?

He gave me a dirty look, “Don’t look so shocked. Honestly I don’t even know how you can like him. Chuck Norris is a little girl, compared to Steven Seagal.”

I think I’m going to be sick, “Steven Seagal…? You’ve got to kidding me.” I can’t believe this crap! Steven effing Seagal!! He is the worst actor ever!! And he is like an effing house! “I just lost all my remaining respect for you.” I scrolled down on the webpage…hmm…

“Hey, Dakota did you know, Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet who can kick you in the back of your face?” I gigged at his pained expression.

He grimaced, “That impossible. Do you honestly he can do that?”

I growled at him, “Hell yeah! He is Chuck effing Norris! He can do that and so much more! Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird, he is such a man!” I looked for another good Chuck Norris fact. “Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters, and by knit I mean kick, and by sweaters I mean babies.” I giggled while Dakota took off his shoe and throw it at me. I dodged it easily.

I wonder how long I can keep this up…?

56 minutes later

“I swear to god Lonnie! I will kill you!!” Dakota banged his head against the window.

“Wait, wait! Here is a good one, Chuck Norris never retreats he just attacks in the opposite direction. Or, the best part of waking up isn’t Folgers in your cup but the knowledge Chuck Norris didn’t kill you in your sleep.”

For the first time in the whole hour we’ve been driving the window that separates the car rolls down. “We are here kids!” Aunt Pree says happily, then she looks at us, “Lonnie why is Dakota in the fetal position?”

I smiled happily at her, “I have no idea Auntie pree,” I turned to Dakota, “I think it’s because he has learned to fear Chuck Norris.”

He glared at me and mouthed to me ‘pure evil’, “Sorry I guess I wasn’t feeling well.” He smiled at his beautiful mother. “But knowing we’re home makes me feel better.”

Aunt Pree’s eyes got a little misty, “I’m so glad…” the car came to a smooth stop. “Come now children, Lets go get settled in.”

I turned off my laptop and unbuckled my seat belt. Opening the door fresh ocean air hit me and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore greeted me. I inhaled deeply, out of all the places I’ve ever been the O’Malley beach house was my all time favorite. It was a large two story beach house made of wood and stone, it had a beautiful garden on the side of the house, and in the back were the beautiful white sandy beach and the bluish green sea.

I looked up at the wrap around porch where the worn old wicker chairs and the large bench swing. I smiled and sighed, it felt like home. Even though it was Dakota’s, it still felt like home.

“Happy to be back?” Uncle James asked as he lugged two of my three suitcases. For a businessman he certainly is a very physically fit.

“Very happy.” I smiled at him. Uncle James is a fantastic man, always there to help someone in need I guess that’s why he became a Doctor.

He gave me a big grin. “I’m glad! We are just so happy that you’re here, Lonnie. It’s been way to long since last time we saw one another. You were just a little snip of a thing back then.”

Has any one else notice the way parents extricate things? The last time I saw Uncle James was at Christmas, and I wasn’t little back then, you just couldn’t see my figure because mom made me ware that ugly pink sweater, with a Christmas tree on it with bows. Yeah, it looked like Christmas throw up on it. “‘little slip of a thing’ huh?” I placed my hand on my hips.

He gave a burly laugh, “My and you got sassier too! That’s my lass! I can tell this year is going to be fun.” He laughed all the way inside.

Aunt Pree walked behind me and grabbed my arm, “come on Lovely. Dakota can bring in your last suitcase. Let’s get you settled in your old room in the mean time.” We walked up the stone steps to the dark wood deck, the into the house.

It smelled like lavender, just as I remembered it would. I looked around the inter of the large hallway. All the wood was dark almost black, the furniture was dark and warm and the walls were a golden yellow with pictures of the family, both mine and theirs.

“I thought you’d have gotten taller so we got you a larger bed”, she laughed, “but it seems you stayed the same height over the years. So you’ll just have to live with a king size.”

A king, are you serious? Did they think I’d grow an extra 3 feet since Christmas? “That’s more than fine Auntie Pree, its fantastic! I love big beds.”

She lead me to my old room, 4 doors on the left hand side form the staircase. And the fact that the door says ‘Lonnie’s Room: Enter and Die!!’ kind of helps. I was about to enter when Aunt Pree stopped me. I turned to her to see tears swimming in her eyes.

“I know you probably think we are just terrible people, for making you get engaged. Its just we thought it would be best for you two to know before started really dating.”

Seeing Aunt Pree cry is like kicking a cute defensibly puppy in the face, it can break your heart. “I know Auntie Pree, its okay. I ‘m glad you all told us, so we can prepare for it. But what I don’t really know is why you are having us get engaged?” I held her hands, “Can you tell me that, please?”

She smiled, “Of course love. We want you to get in engaged because we think it’s what is best for you two. Your mother and I grew up in families were our parents were arranged to be married, and they ended up quite happily. Your father and my James grow up in slimier house holds, your father’s mother thought you mother would be prefect together and they are. James’ father and my father were best friends growing up and they decided that we should get married. And let me tell you, it was the greatest thing that ever happens to me.” She squeezed my hands, “Now can you see Lonnie? We are doing this for your own good.”

I blinked at her beautiful, tearstained face. Okay I was just told a lot of information, and I’m slightly confused by it. I seriously have to talk to Dakota about this before my mind explodes. “I…”

“Preened!! Where are you dear?” Came the rather loud voice of Uncle James. Aunt Pree turned her head toward his voice and smiled.

“I have to go love,” she kissed my cheek; “We’ll talk later.” And with that she skipped down the hall to her husband.

I shook my head at her, good she acts more like a teen then I do. I opened my door and entered my room for the next two months. It was supper clean, not a speck of dust to be found. The carpet and bed linens where pure white and the only real difference was the bed was a king instead of a twin sized bed and it was really high kind of like a pedestal bed. They really must have thought I was taller.

My suitcases where by the dresser, might as well unpack while I wait for Dakota. I pulled open an empty dresser draw and stuffed it full of shirts; the next one was for pants, than skirts, bras, panties and finally socks. Yeah, I don’t have OCD or anything. Its just my mother is insanely neat and that’s been drilled into me since birth.

I was hanging my sundresses up in the wardrobe when Dakota knocked then entered. “Hey you almost done in here? I want to show you the entertainment room.” He leaned against the wall, looking bored as ever.

“Yeah, almost. Hey, did you know you mom was arranged to marry your dad?” I hung up the last dress, and started to put to push the suitcases under the bed.

“Really now? That I didn’t know. What else did she tell you?” He folded his arms across his chest.

“She told me the whole engagement thing was decided based on your parents’ and my parents’ marriages. Seeing how madly in love they are with one another, they think we’ll end the same way.” I flashed him a smile from over my shoulder, “Funny, huh?”

Dakota stared at me for a monument then smiled, “Yeah, funny.” He pushed himself up. “Come on I got a surprise for you.”

I got up, surprise huh? “Your not to lock me outside again are you?” remembering the night of the huge thunder storm. I followed him out of my room and down the hall to the entertainment room.

A movie was about to play, “sit down I’ll go get popcorn.” Dakota stayed by the door while I sat in front of the television.

“Okay, hurry back soon. He closed the door and I heard a small clicking noise. Weird. The movie stared to play, with cheesy ninja sounds coming form the background. Huh, must be a kugfu flick. Then in big bold red letters the words ‘The Belly of The Beast’ came on the screen. Weird were have I heard that title before? ‘Staring Steven Seagul’. What…? I ran for the door. NO NO NO NO!!!! I clawed at the door. Oh God! Why!? What did I do to deserver this!! Then it hit me…DAKOTA!! That punk! He knows I hate Steven Seagal! Touché, Dakota, Touché.

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For the next 24 hours I was locked in that room. I looked for the remote but Dakota must have taken it with him, no matter what I tried I couldn’t leave the room or turn down that hateful television. I’ll get Dakota for this, I swore on all that is Chuck Norris, I’ll get him.