It was hard for me. One night in Berlin, the next in Paris, and a week after we’d wind up in Japan. The traveling seemed so endless, perpetual movement that seemed to take everything except the minimum of what you needed to keep going. Looking out the window I can see the far reaching ocean, an infinite gray sea that no one should have to gaze upon so often as I without ever getting a chance to really see it. 1
I look over to the mop of blonde hair across the aisle. His eyes are closed and his brow is furrowed slightly. He must be asleep, I figure. Even as I think this I know it isn’t true, but still I get a spark of jealousy that he can seem so calm when feigning rest. How I wish I could muster that ability, the way he seems to escape in peaceful slumber, even the merest shadow of a true complacent sleep would be worth more than the plane we flew in. 2
Yes, not even restorative sleep could help me now, for I was too tired for restoration. Sleep for me now was as wearisome as the days following, the lines betwixt the two blurred together so flawlessly I can never hope to distinguish them. I find my hand slipping itself into my right pocket and I sigh as my finger grazes plastic. My other hand fumbles the pocket knife in the opposite side. I untie the opaque bag and look at the white powder within. I gaze momentarily at this release. Heh, my only saving grace. As fine as the sand lining a celestial beach, I dip the tip of the knife inside and raise it again. I stare at the mound on the shining blade even as my dull eyes stare back at me accusingly. I ignore them, because I know that this is all I have. 3
I don’t have this plane. I don’t have the stadium we’re headed to. I don’t have me. All of those things have long since blurred into obscurity and I can never retrieve them. The only thing I have a grip on is this small bag clutched in my left hand, and I’ll be damned if it’s going to get away from me like everything else. No, this is my last line of distinction, the only thing that sharpens the edges enough for me to continue discerning them at all. Without it I would spiral far down into nothing, where all is gray like the endless ocean beneath me. I bow my head to the blade and inhale sharply through my nostrils. 4
Footsteps sound behind me and my shaking hand closes and replaces the thin blade as my other hand holds onto my prize with a vice like grip. The footsteps pass me and I do not raise my eyes. Tears prick the corners of those eyes but my hand does not let up. I gulp with self conviction. Don’t think I don’t know what I’m doing. I know the powder in my fist is nothing more than a lie and that it can’t possible offer any solace to my troubles. But asking me to let it go would be selfish and barbaric for I can see no other alternate in this gray sea before me. Knowing this is a path of self destruction, I choose to embrace it full on, as if it were a lover threatening flight from my arms. 5
My grip soon lessens and I draw my eyes to the window. Far off, I think I see shoreline to yet another foreign country. Or, maybe it’s home… Maybe it’s nothing but the trickery of my weary mind hoping for a break in the vastness; some symbol in the tired monotony that embodies every aspect of this excuse for living. And regardless of what lies before me, I fear that the outcome will be painfully the same, and that my only hope lies in a little opaque baggy, crushed tightly at my side. 6
Author notes
CaptAnnStarr
Just a working title, a little something I wrote up yesterday. I hardly ever write, but I can say I've never wrote anything like this. Critism is appreciated, though I do not claim to be a writer by any means.. = ) I love music, and I decided to write a little something about the life of a band. I've written more, but I just wanted to see what everyone else thought.
A contest entry
- THE OPTIONS ARE EVERYWHERE!! by The Wall.
230 points, ended May 16, 2007, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Yeh Brudda!!! by asthray.heart.
350 points, ended May 29, 2007, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ~I didn't know what to call it,so this is it~ by Ninja Bubble.
100 points, ended November 24, 2007, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - You Think You Have What It Takes? by On.Cue.
675 points, ended March 19, 2008, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short Stories! by Peachy.
450 points, ended June 21, 2008, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Beginnings -prologues or chapter one- by Forgotten Anomaly.
875 points, ended July 2, 2008, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Seriously Deep by Melancholic Smile.
525 points, ended July 5, 2008, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
-salve amica, tu es puella Blue..tulips.
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
Wow, Fal...why on earth do you claim to not be a writer? O__O
This is awesome, and the title hits home wonderfully. The imagery, and thought are great, as is the wordchoice.
Good luck in the contest, Fally!
-HT
-
This is a really well written piece you used descriptions and imagery well here to enhance the character's thoughts and feelings. It all flowed really nicely and gave a good insight into an addict's perspectives. Thank you for entering and good luck!
-
This made me think of the song home by bobaflex that I am now listening to since I couldn't shake it while reading this story.
The story is wonderful, it is very well writen and somehow simple and meaningful at the same time. I love the last paragraph a lot. I'll have to continue this one. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. -
-
Yaaay!!!! Thank you so much for adding me to the finalists list. It's an honor. I'm very glad you liked the story. I plan on fine tuning it eventually, and am considerng on coming back to this story.. which has .. like 6 chapters right now.
-
-
Very nice use of words, descriptive and nice flow. I think that you did a great job of getting inside an addict's head, their thoughts , fears, feeling, etc.
I'm speechless. -
Nice use of voabulary,it really sets the diction.The only problem I found was that I don't know the meaning of 'betwixt',if its even a word.But good job!
-
Very nice flow and great wording.
Keep up the great work, thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
Thanks again
Em -
This was good, I find nothing I need to criticse on. Good words were used and everything was all in place.
Thank you very much for entering and good luck.
Lady Madeline.
-
wow thats really good. i wish i could write that good
-
wow this was really good i did like reading this for one reason i will keep that to myself but anyways great job keep up the great work the detail was great 2 very nice
-
Entries for the contest Impress me need to be 1,000 words or More. Suggest you add to this or submit another story. Thanks
-
It's a good story, decently written. I found no errors in it. It's a curious look inside the mind of a person. You did well on writing this and I hope you continue to write as well as this. Good job and good luck in the contest.
-
Well done! Very insightful, I like the hoplessness in front of a blurred, grey world. It's well written too, very realistic.
-
after playing Drums for thirty years in and out of bands and touring for around ten of them my first thought was its a little Clichéd. Then I started to remember, its strange how quickly you forget, how drugs mask time. life can very quickly turn into a blur on the road and the drain of endless travel was often passed by a multitude of readably available poisons. thank god its not like that now
-
Very well done! I really liked reading this. I can see why you won the bronze with this story. Great Job!
- KariKaRama - -
you seem to have a good grasp on writing, thats for sure! this is a very gritty and realsitic piece, and certainly makes the reader think. i like the way that you deal quite sympatheticaly with the subject, and yet have the character himself tell us he knows its wrong and wont solve anything. nice write!
-
The shorter the piece is the harder it is lo lend a story realism and power. This little piece managed to catch my attention and hold it throughout. I especially enjoyed the lyrical tone and how gracefully it transitioned from thought to thought. It's difficult to lend a real-life feel to a story and you did just that.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
-
*points up*
The fact that you won a trophey tells all.
*chuckles* Honestly this is very realistic. I like the use of the internal monolouge throughout the entire piece. Its so easy to by pass such people, ignore them, or report them.., but do you really know what goes on in their heads?
Unless one knows a drug addict.., its not so easy to know.
You open a part of this doorway, get people into their heads. Give the readers somethign to think about the next time they see one of these sad soul on some street corner. Great job!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
good story
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
-
Not bad, not bad at all for someone who doesn't write
. Well dear you have the knack for it. Please post more. This was descriptive and I could feel his desperation. Oh but what a pack of lies hes telling himself 
. 
Welcome to storywrite. Hope to see more of your stuff.
~*Brooke*~
-
Wow, it almost seems as though your talking from experience (I hope not). nice write and good luck in the contest, I'd like to see more from you!
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
