It was a dark, cool summer night, In August. I was walking in the through some dark and silent woods the sounds of the crickets only to be heard. I hear the coyotes howling at the full moon from far away. I finally come to an opening in the woods. There stands this 2-story house, it looks old and rugged, windows are smashed out, the shutters broken, looks like an old haunted house you read about in books and see in the movies. I walked around the house to find four sets of 12 feet high cast iron gates, with a padlock on it wrapped with chains holding it shut. I walk closer to the gates and find four tombstones in there the date on the middle tombstone, it read born 1754 died 1776 the name on it said Hightower that is all that was legible. I heard a noise come from the house it sounded like a door slamming. I look to the house and to see nothing when I look back at the grave stone. I see this big black looking thing with horns extending from its head with glowing red eyes and large teeth snarling and growling at me. Slowly stepping backwards, I turn around and run when I see this thing knock over the gates. Running faster I run into the house and run up the broken stairs missing few steps. Running into the bathroom, and locking the door. I saw a window and went over toward it only to see a lower roof I try to open the window it is warped shut Probualy hasn't been opened in decades. I finally got it opened and when I did I heard this thing coming up the stairs, knocking in doors and going to the next door. I started to climb out and then the bathroom door came flying in and there he was again. I push harder trying to get out. All of the sudden I feel this sharp burning feeling on my leg and there he is with his hand on my leg. I push and kick only for him to grab it harder I pull and pull further out the window. I grab the outer edge of the roof and pull. His claws digging deeper into my leg, I pull harder, screaming. I finally got loose of his grasp and pull myself out the window, and jumped down to the ground. I ran as fast as I can back into the woods, running and jumping over dead trees laying down in my path running down a Lil hill and back up over sum more trees. Finally I got to a dirt road. I see headlights ahead I run toward them throwing my hands in the air yelling them to stop I see the brake lights come on, the car slowly comes to a halt, I run to it and a man rolls his window down and asks "what's wrong"1
" I am being chased and to please help me" I replied.2
He told me to "Get in the car." 3
I ran over to the passenger side got in and I told him to "floor it."4
He speeds on down the road and all of the sudden I see head lights behind us on our tail. Then they disappear as quickly as they showed up.5
We drive further down the road then we see the same car again this time he was headed into the side of our car. But there was no wreck the car went right through us. All of the sudden out car stops it turned off. the car drifted and stopped in front of another graveyard. This Grave yard was much bigger a lot more head stones and only a wire fence traces the cemetery. The guy tries to start it and it won't start. "The battery went dead" I replied.6
he replied that "he has a jump pack in the trunk"7
I told him "I would grab it, and told him to open the trunk and the hood"8
I grabbed the pack out of the trunk and went to the front of the car and opened the hood, I hooked up the pack to the battery and shut the hood down on it. I ran back into the car and locked the door. I asked if "he knew the time."9
He replied "I have a watch but it's to dark to read it."10
I pulled out my lighter and lit it I put it by his watch and seen that all the hands were going backwards in time. I told him to check the car to see if it turns on it cranked but didn't turn over. Then wee heard these scratching noises on the roof of the car and the windows. None of us was willing to get out of the car. The noises slowly fading out and then they came to a stop. I asked the man " what his name was"11
He replied "Gavin"12
I told him my name was Preston13
He tried to start the car once more there it fired up I unlocked the door and had him open the trunk once more. I unhooked the power pack and closed the hood then ran to the trunk and put the pack in the trunk. I got back into the car and locked the door once more. We drove off down the road quickly. We see cars passing by on the road ahead it was a main road. We finally knew we were safe. I asked Gavin if he would give me a ride to my house, 14
He replied "sure."15
I gave him five bucks and he said "don't worry about it." 16
"What are you running from?" he asked17
I told him "it's a long story and you wouldn't believe me if I did tell you"18
then I told him "never to go back to where we were"19
and I told him "I was sorry for everything that has happened"20
We pulled into my drive way at my house. I told Gavin "thanks a lot for your help" and got out of the car and ran into my house and locked the door behind me and ran into my room and turned on the TV and laid down on the bed and took off my pants and seen them scratches. Then I started to think of what would have happened if I hadn't gotten away. I started to fall asleep, then started to dream about what would have happened if I didn't get away. But needless to say I awoke when I was pulled back into the window kicking and screaming. I awoke breathing heavily and sweating profusely. I didn't get back to sleep that night just said on my bed watching TV all night long thinking about what I've seen which I know now why they call it Demons Road. This encounter will forever haunt my dreams and thoughts21
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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ahhh freaky...lol I liked it
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A very interesting story. I like the plot, and I didn't think it was anticlimatic, just a story of how you got the hell out of there and why, which is perfectly understandable. Granted, I agree with some of the other comments about spelling and grammar, but then again writing should be done for fun and something to do, and if that's how you want to write then more power to you. (My father does the same thing. He insists on spelling everything phonetically, like fone, weel, etc.) Good job on this story. It gave me the creeps.
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This was very good. I might have written it in tad bit diferent way. But that's just me. It is good though.
Goo djob and good luck.
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very good indeed, descriptive and all...I liked it alot, good luck in the contest.
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You know what? The first time through my eyes kind of glazed over on the first big long paragraph, the "monster" paragraph in two senses of the word... and the second time when I read it through in detail, the story as a whole wasn't as scary. The first time all I knew was that you were running from something that scared you for your life, and I felt the fear, the second time, with the actual set-up, it kind of lost impact. I'd say work on streamlining the beginning.
What others said about quotes is true... if you're talking about what someone said, you don't use quotes. If you're showing exactly what they said, you do. -
thank you for the comment I am glad you lyked it
~Preston~ -
Very awesome, suspenseful, scary story ... loved it. It was all really creepy, and it sounded like there were elements of urban legends in it, like when the car dies and they hear scratching on the roof. I think the "anticlimactic" ending actually worked better than a huge blow-up type of thing would've, because that works better for a real story. Very good work!
~Laura -
I was only trying to suggest things that would make this a better story - you don't have to take my suggestions.
Also, bad spelling, grammar and punctuation isn't a style (professionally speaking), it's a crutch. -
I dun care about spelling/grammer/punctuation I write and spell how I want no offense but thats how I am and thats how a person can tell that it is My work by how I spell and stuff lyke that but glad ya lyked it
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but lyke I said its a true story I wrote it how it was and if in total darkness there will be no shadows yeah I know it needs work but Im not a professional writer nor to I tend to be I just write cause its fun and sumthing to do
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Well I literaly live for stories like this!!!!!!! I loved this one sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much that......well you'll we'll just have to see.
Okay, just a bit of bad news. I agree with others who have commented on this: spelling/grammer/punctuation mistakes were there, and not that much detail. Other than that, I loved this story!!!!
Awesome story and thanks for entering!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~F.H.~ -
Good Start
Your action scenes need some work. Remember that your reader doesn’t know what you are doing all the time. You go from looking at a window which looks to be untouched for a long time, to finally getting it open. Where is the work involved?
Also, I found the ending rather anti-climatic. You never really have to face the beast that you created. Nothing horrible happens, you just get scared, meet some guy, go home and happily ever after.
Over all, you have the makings for a pretty scary story! I think this was an excellent start at one, anyway. You need to work on the descriptions and maybe creating some sort of confrontation with the beast?
You’ve created a fine back-bone to a good, and spooky, story.
Courtney
Edited on Aug 13, 4:18 p.m. because 'my initial post didn't fit, i think'. -
this is a good story, kind of ended suddenly but that's the point right?...i think this would make a really good movie or even book if it was longer...nice job
take care
-Stac- -
Oh, and encountments isn't a word, I think you may have meant "encounters".
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This is a good story. You do need to learn about use of quotation marks though.
Example:
He asked me "what was I running from"
should be
"What are you running from?" he asked.
But it is a good story, and thank you for entering the contest.
~whisper
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thank you for the comment
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suspenseful
pretty good work, hope you decide to write more one day!! -
A very suspenseful write!!! It had me in it's grip until the end, wondering if you made it out of there safely. This is what nightmares are made of and you put this together very well.. Good luck in the contest!!
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Cool... I like it
Pretty good. The quotations were a bit confusing, but it didn't really hinder the story that much. I like stuff like this, so I don't really usually care what sort of conventions it has.
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