“She loves me, she loves me not …” I know, it’s a stupid game that doesn’t reveal truth, but I can’t think of anything better to do than to sit at this bus stop, in the pouring rain, and tear petals from the last of a dozen red roses. I had a ring, but it, like my love, was cast into the street, where it now lies, mangled, crushed, and broken from the passing cars. 1
Funny how they had meant so much just a few hours ago, now, hell, now I couldn’t care less about them or anything else. Beauty has rejected the Beast and with that, my world, my hopes, and my happiness have all come to nothing. I am an empty shell, having nothing left to give and nothing able to fill the void that now occupies the spot where my heart was torn from my chest. 2
“Getting in, Pal?” The bus driver calls. I shake my head as I toss the bare stems into the gutter, watching them float away. Why would I want to come in from the only thing that hides my tears? 3
Hopelessly I watch as the bus pulls away from me, taking with it the last reminder of my love and the person that I once was, stuck between the treads of its tire.
A contest entry
- I Can Write A Story In Less Than 200 Words by Carly Pop.
275 points, ended May 21, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Amaze Me!!! by tacobell4me08.
275 points, ended June 18, 2007, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - anything decent less than 600 words. by Anonymous Shadow.
100 points, ended January 24, 2008, 26 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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That was realy sad. That is such a shame for them. This hassome lovely description. Well done. Kais =)
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awwwww
oh my gosh what made you write something like this it is really good but said it kinda reamindes me of a past relastionship and that was the only guy that got my tears or that was worth my tears
awwww so cute
alex -
Wow, simply wow. I can relate a lot to your stories. And this piece was so far my favorite one. Especially when you said "Beauty has rejected the Beast" That just drew me in even more. Keep up the great work your doing.
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Good write. Good amount of detail for a short peice. It had a pretty good flow, and was easy to follow for the most part. I enjoyed it very much. Thancks for entering. Good luck in the contest.
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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Amazing!
In so few words, you managed to capture an incredible amount of description and emotion. I have no criticisms for this piece; it's virtually flawless. Good luck in the contest, and well done on a wonderful write!
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that's sad! I think i know the feelings that are portrayed in this story. excellent job, I was choking up a little.
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aww thats sad you had my eyes tearing up. very nice writing i like it.
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That's sad But, I liked how you told a story with so few words Nicely done It left the reader wanting to know why, that girl rejected him? And other questions keeping the reader into the story I really liked this short story Have a nice day and please keep writing 
~Blackwings
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