Last night you made me cry
I’m losing you and I don’t know why
I did the only thing I knew to try
The razorblade kisses calmed my mind
This love and pain forever intertwined
Today you tried to talk to me
I couldn’t feel the words you wanted me to see
My heart was too filled with broken debris
The razorblade kisses calmed my mind
This love and pain forever intertwined
Tonight you said goodbye
I kept the tears inside, the power to deny
I need you to know how hard I tried
The razorblade kisses calmed my mind
This love and pain forever intertwined
Tomorrow you will be the one to grieve
My forgiveness I hope you receive
As I close my eyes and take my leave
The razorblade kisses calmed my mind
This love and pain forever intertwined
Author notes
pet name Barley star sign aquarius
In a list
A contest entry
- Ok, here's the deal... by Drac.
510 points, ended July 2, 2008, 21 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme me some tears! by Midnightmare.
225 points, ended July 6, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Wow. this was very heartfelt, or at least, that's how it comes across. It made for good writing.
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loved the repetition in this one of those two lines... it wasn't overdone and it wasn't too little. i could feel your pain, feel how much you were hurting. the title suited well and your spelling and everything was pretty much spot on. well done and thanks for entering!!
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wow..i loved it..love does hurt sometimes..its a great poem..great job
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This one I have a hard time with. it's not that its not well written, it is. it's a sensitive subject for many but you handle it well. Description and emotion flow easily through this piece.
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This was very sad...I loved the lines, "Razorblade kisses calmed my mind, this love and pain forever intertwined." That was oh-so strong.
The poem was amazingly good, I enjoyed reading it so much.
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This actually made me cry....It was like I could actaully feel the pain from this person. Sounds corny but it's true. great job and I hope you win this contest!
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wow very good with this I loved this menya you write very well cant wait to read more of your wonderful work this was just great and I love this back round always have good job again
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I love kisses
I mean, who doesn't???
But.. I've never had razorblade kisses... the lines you just said a lot in the poem were a poetic and strong lines... it's like a sort of drug, once you keep doing it, you just become consumed by it and you're... well, just drawn into doing the deed over and over again.. or maybe, that's just me speaking for ME
Another beautiful piece. Thanks for this, Keli
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So serious is love that often th pain part of it is more potent than the good parts. The thing I have learned is that we cant let this control us, its a sort of callous approach that saves the heart. Good poem way to be so bold witht this rhyme scheme I am not so great at rhyme, anyways good job keep it up
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Awesome job!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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*sigh* I think everyone imagines a suicide scene like this at least once in their life, so of course people are going to relate. It's very morbid and dripping with dark and depressed things, I just wish you had put more imagery into it. The only emotion in here is hurt, but where are the remnant of the love that was so damaged? I'd like to see that put into one of these poems some day.
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I totally agree with you!
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Such a sad poem, very real.
This has great flow, and good luck in the contest you entered. -
The journey of broken love...
I like the use of "razorblade" and the depth of this poem.
Ryan -
Wow!
A great poem, and I love the way you interpreted 'razorblade kiss'! =D
Very well written, and original also =)
Good job! =)
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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Wow! I liked this!!! Nice job I liked the flow and how it was set up I also liked the emoption in it!!!!! Nicely done
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