The Letter (part 1)

Kevin crossed out "love" and replaced it with "sincerely".  Then he scratched that out and crumpled the piece of paper, throwing it into the street.  How does one write a letter to the world?  How does one answer questions that have yet to be asked?  He flipped to a fresh page in his old, worn notebook and started again.1

"Dear world,"2

The wind ruffled the page as if to make some silent protest.  Kevin hunched deeper into his thick coat and pressed against the wall of the building behind him.  He continued to write, explaining as best he could the situation he was in, starting at the beginning.  He recorded his first memory, described the pain of his father leaving, revealed the anguish he felt at the discovery of every one of his mom's bottles hidden around the house.3

The noise of cars zooming by became background as Kevin tried to put into words why any human would take a blade and purposefully shove it through their skin.  He struggled at conveying the hundred emotions felt as each of various pills fell down his throat on a particularly depressing day.  He tried to explain to the people who knew him best that they never really knew him at all.4

The tears held off until Kevin started writing about the year Nick had died.  Nick and Kevin and been closer than close, doing everything together.  The one time they were apart, Kevin's car had ended up in a 6-car pile-up on the interstate.  Sometimes Kevin wished he had been in that car.  He wrote that down too.5

When he had recorded his whole life, he apologised.6

"I'm sorry I have to do this.  I've tried so hard to keep on living.  I really have.  But sometimes you just have to admit defeat.  You gotta know when it's over.  And I just can't keep this up anymore."7

He signed it "Only the good die young".8

He hugged the notebook to his chest and started sobbing.  This was too much.  He had no choice.  It was his only option.  But at least he wouldn't leave the world wondering why.9