Well, I've started writing again...
I can't say that I'm happy either,
'cause i write when I'm depressed.
Please don't lie
and say everything is fine.
Look, I know what I did and so do you.
"I'm Sorry" isn't enough this time.
Oh baby, what have I done?
Just once I'd like to feel your pain...
The pain I caused.
Every tear that fell from your eyes,
your beautiful eyes...
every thought that ran through your mind,
every ounce of your body
willing you to leave me.
So what could I say
when you could never know...
my pain,
my guilt, my anger ant myself.
You're too nice to me.
Do I deserve to be forgiven?
I don't think so, but even if you do
Ill never forgive myself.
I cried again last night,
cried for you...for us.
I love you baby,
forever.
Author notes
Based on something that really happened.
A contest entry
- Under 200 words by QueenWolf.
140 points, ended May 22, 2007, 49 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I'm sorry to hear that. And, while this may sound a bit... inconsiderate.... you forgot to capitalize the word "I" in line 3.
In line 8 "baby" kindof throws off the poem...
And you forgot an apostraphe once or twice...
Anyways, back to you...
good poem.
What happened?
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This was an emotional piece, I agree, it was full to the brim with it. I liked the effect of when you repeated the line including the tears and eyes, in different but similar words. It made the rest flow easily. Great job!
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very emotional, I am glad your writing again, you see its not all about happy things we write about, our thought and feeling going into something make a story/poem even better. I loved the emotion you have put into this write.
Thank you for entering.
~Princess~ -
This was cool. Just watch the punctuation and some spelling/typos. Whatever it is, I hope that you and Maranda work it out.
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I love you. Even if you are a buttface, you're my buttface.
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wowness
very emotional and very good. you have some spelling mistakes. don't be depressed
~Punk
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