At last, mom and dad met
After years of leaving our family dead
A wife she became to my dad
A husband he became to my mom
After all those years
Of weeping in saline tears
Now we can hoist toasts in cheers
Mom and dad in one house
Dad like a yet married spouse
Mom renewing her wedding vows
I can see so clear
In gorgeousness she shines so dear
To bad I wont be there
To enjoy their eyes glare
It took a life
To bring them back
It took a soul
To unite them all
It took a death
So they met
I had to sacrifice
So they be together
Now I stand up on a cloud
I see them sing so loud
I see them cuddle and cry
Too bad a family member had to die
Years of pain
Drove me insane
Years I spent alone
My childhood is now gone
I had parents
But they werent together
Mom lived in a home
Daddy in another dome
At nights I had their picture
With my sobs I began to tincture
I cried and wept
Until the sun crept
Wanting badly to stay alive
To the day they return to their hive
ON: Saturday, May 05, 2007
AT: 8:43:24 PM
A contest entry
- Ch-ch-ch-choices by kelseyo.
205 points, ended May 13, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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good rhyme. this is a classic example of what break-ups can do to kids. good job.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Wow another one that I haven't read. Great work yet again, the flow and descriptions were really nicely done. Great rhymes.
Keep up the great work
Hope to read more of you work soon.
Em -
Hmmm
I like it, but the writing could be edited a little bit more. The idea is good but it isnt stated too clearly. The rhyme scheme is a bit off in places which throws the whole thing off. Also the rhyme scheme doesnt fit the poem too well. You might want to consider rewriting it, so that it doesnt rhyme at all. Good job
-Colin -
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i know you are right i havent revised this yet i wrote it and posted it i will see what i can do with it
: thanks for da notice
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Very emotional piece. This really happened? I really enjoyed it. Thanks for enteirng.
xoox
Kelsey -
waaa that is soo emotional i was crying very good
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Awwwww, I almost cried!! This is sooo sad. It took the death of a child to get two parents together? That's horrible... I bet their problems seem like nothing now, eh? Yeah, thought so.
Anyways, great work. Job well done!
~Kevan!~ -
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thanks
thanks for da comment(L)
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Sad much? It was great with the poor kid had his parents separated Nice job In capturing the emotional standpoint Lovely as always
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