Things you already know

I wasn’t going to write this. I keep thinking it would be easier if I didn’t, but the things I need to say have to be said now, or else they never will be.

As we have both said before, the past 4 months or so, have been amazing, it’s never been so good between us. It seems like the two years before that of not talking and avoiding each other have just vanished. Yesterday was I think probably one of the hardest days of my life. I always knew that that day was coming, I just didn’t think it would anywhere near as soon as it was. If there ever was a battle of the heart and mind, that was it yesterday. At the moment, I don’t think it has quite sunk in, but I think we are in for a very tough time. Going from being together to ‘just good friends’ is very hard. Not being able to hold you, kiss you. Feeling bad about thinking about you al the time. No longer being able to say I love you. My god it hurts.

We are never going to be able to agree that we have done the right thing, however we have to deal with that now and get through it. As I mentioned before there are a few things I need to say first though.

I have never felt this way about anyone, and I know that sounds cliché but it’s the truth. I have been in love with you since the start, and to be honest, I don’t see that changing. Sure we have our arguments and tiffs, but they seem insignificant compared to the good times we have. Being able to share my life, everything about me with you has been amazing. You know me more than anyone, even myself sometimes. I have told you things no one else on this earth knows. The trust I have in you, I didn’t think I could ever have. You are my rock, always there for me and I can’t thank you enough. Knowing that you have fallen in love with me too, has only made this harder I think, yet I can’t describe the feeling I get knowing that you do.

Who knows where we will end up. In three years so many things can change, people can change. However, I hang on to the thought that, after two years of not talking, we ended up where we are now…maybe that can happen again. I can only hope. Loving you has been the best and worst thing in my life. The best because I have never felt so happy when around you, the worst because of the pain we are both feeling now. I wold go through it all again in a heartbeat though.

Thank you for being you, for being there for me, for letting me finally get close to you, for loving me. I think we are going to have one of the best friendships you can have, and as I have said before…who knows where we will be in three years time. I know I shouldn’t say it, but I don’t think we should have to feel weird for saying it is; I LOVE YOU.