Alphonso stood on the corner at midnight to sell his last bag. He had been cutting the stuff and selling it light. He had no choice. He had a girlfriend and a wife to keep happy. He would have to dodge his supplier again because he still owed “the man”.
He stopped off at the coffee shop. He didn’t see his wife and girlfriend walk in. He didn’t notice “the man” sitting at the counter. He didn’t see his last customer tonight looking in the window. Then there was a shot. Alphonso lay dead on the floor.
Who dun it?
A contest entry
- Short, Sweet, and Sizzling by Arcularis.
750 points, ended May 26, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Short Tale by Mort.
100 points, ended August 17, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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An unsolved mystery! I definitely like this. The short nature of it lets you read it twice, or three times, and still wonder what you missed that might've given away. When, really, the answer isn't there. It's all left to the imagination.
Nicely done.
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It had to be "The Man" right? Because he still owed him money. I really like this little mystery story, but I am not a big fan of the term "dun it". But that is the only negative thing I can think to say a bout this story. I am especially happy with the deep plot line. You managed to get an interesting and deep plot line in 100 words! And that is what i am looking for. Good work.
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