The water is becoming shallow, it's silky flows running over grey and blue and brown of the rocks, now smooth from slight waves, visible from the surface of the water, now. So clear and clean, this place, so different and so isolated from city streets and chaos. This place is like you, this boat drifting in to shore is like you, not quite old, but worn, and steady, and comforting, and... beautiful. And once again, like I always have, and not quite consciously, I'm returning to you, to your shores, in this rowboat.1
Now I'm stepping off the boat, gently, bare feet touching cool water then warm earth. I'm so much younger than you, I know, as you've told me with calm grey eyes looking into mine, a stray hand on my face, absentmindedly pushing back a strand of hair. I'm so much younger than you, but I've loved you for so long, oh so long, a secret at first, pain with every glance, then told to you in a whisper when I realized I had so much, too much, to lose if I never said a thing.2
The sun is setting through the intertwined branches of the trees, slight beams of light slanting through the sky, in golden colors and shades of orange and red, laying a glow on the earth. It's beginning to rain, but different than the weeks and weeks before when I wasn't coming back to you, different than the weeks and weeks before where you were gone, lost amid a struggle. And now I'm standing here, bathed in gold and cool water droplets and the essence of you that I'm nearing, not dark.3
I approach your door. This house is full of you, this old house in shades of brown, simple and worn and lovely. I can see through a slight window the flames of your fireplace, you sitting in the threadbare red armchair, reading one of your books, as you always are. I need not even reach out to the door, because then you're there, to open it, to welcome me.4
I realize how I must look, now, standing here on your doorstep, hair damp, dress soaked, with my bare feet, some hopeless, lonely child wandering to safety. You smile a little, and speak my name, opening the door to let me in to your warmth. This house is just as I remembered it, and I let my eyes close for an instant to breathe in the scent cedar and pine, before reaching out to you, begging you with my eyes. And you take me into your arms, and I cling to you like I've never clung to anyone before, burying my head against your dark, warm sweater, you kissing the top of my head. I'm telling you that I love you, and you're not moving away, though I feel your doubt for the slightest instant.5
I look up into your eyes, become lost in grey warmth again, and tell you again. I love you. You breathe in, then out again, searching my eyes, then taking my hand, back to the old armchair by the fireplace, where you sit, and I curl up in your arms, the fire drying my dress and hair, the hair you're gently brushing away from my face. I lay my head back down, against you, and I know that I've come back home.6
Author notes
This is for a story contest hosted by 'heather 802' to pick from a series of words and settings, etc, and create a story out of it... I chose a boat and an old house for the setting, a fire for the extra object, a 35 year old male and 16 year old female for the characters, and England for the location.
UPDATE: Currently entered it in another contest... for all short stories. So there you go.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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You're right, I am applying Remus/Hermione to this fanfic. Or at least Remus/Me. So good job for figuring that out, not many people do.
Thanks so much!
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I still get the feeling you're applying Remus and Hermione here, no? If not then I need to get it off my mind! Lol, fantastic write. The begining is almost like a poem to me. It's beautifully written. Your descriptions are crisp and vivid and concise. Job well done! Keep writing, you're talented!
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Wow, this story was great. I wish i had more people to comment on my stuff ;O. Heh. No one ever comments on my stuff, its so discouraging. OH well, i came her to comment on how great this was, not whine ^^;;. Well yah great job, good luck in the contest that is like closing so soon.
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Good write, I thought about entereing this contest but it was to hard for me. I'm not good at sticking within structure, and could'nt think up anything. Bearing this in mind I've got to say You have done really well!
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Thank YOU!
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Holy shit this was amazingly good. I enjoyed reading it.. it was so sad and wonderfully displayed with your words. i could see everything.. God great write thank you so much for entering
-Audri -
Thanks Of course you know exactly who it's about! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You know I just love writing about this topic
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There's too much to choose from...
Hey there, it's me. I know EXACTLY who this is about. It's wonderful! You've done a lot with this, and I like it, even if it does have some of the above-mentioned issues. Keep up the good work, and write another one soon! It's (hee-hee) brilliant!
Shadowdragon -
brilliant base for a story.well done.i don't normally read the short stories because i tend to lose attention half way through but i didnt with this.well done
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Great job here! I really enjoyed this. Great message!
~Dee~ -
Thank you! I'm very glad you had the contest in any case... helped me with my writing and inspiration
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I liked the way it was written from first person as apposed to so and so walked down the road and met so and so. It makes the story more real and more enjoyable. The story kept my attention throughout and I really enjoyed it. There was no rule breaking I'm happy to say so good luck and take care, Heather x
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You have another beautiful piece here heather. I like your work
I think you are a true poet. You have a wonderful day and GOd blesssssssss you -
Thank you! I do tend to go a bit overboard with the commas, so I'd agree with you there Thanks for reviewing.
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I really like the storyline here...that feeling of coming home...and hopefully to stay! Very lovely to read...the entire piece had a gentle touch to it...made it soft and very sweet.
For critical review: The one thing i noted throughout was an over-use of commas...creating numerous run-on sentences in the paragraphs. This would benefit greatly, in my humble opinion, from the addition of more periods...less commas.
This is a very enjoyable read and i am glad i saw it in the featured section and clicked on it. Well done and the best of luck in the contest!
UB
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