My star went out tonight
The blade ran across my skin
No more will it shine bright
The blood took away my sin
Dimmer with every breath I take
My breath grows weaker still
The heavens have begun to shake
I have lost all my will
As my star blinks away
I begin to fade to black
The sky has turned to gray
This life I can’t take back
My star went out tonight
I hear my heart’s last beat
No more will it shine bright
Tonight my maker I shall meet
Author notes
Prolly not any good but meh, there you go...
I choose Option 2 Dark Poem...because it's what I write and I feel poetry is best when it's from the dark side. (insert evil laughter here)
In a list
A contest entry
- Starstruck [poems] by sodancewithsoda.
300 points, ended May 17, 2007, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme me some tears! by Midnightmare.
225 points, ended July 6, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Lalala! What I want from you.. is.. YOUR TALENT! =D by caitecola.
175 points, ended July 23, 2007, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Ok, so this is very good, and I love it! It's exactly the "dark" I'm looking for. My favorite part was
"As my star blinks away
I begin to fade to black
The sky has turned to gray
This life I can’t take back"
Great!
The only thing is, even though you told me which option you chose, to be considered to win, you MUST tell me why poetry is "best written from a dark side".
Either way, if you choose to or not, this was fantastic.
C.E. -
Not bad...
I like this. It flows well and has a good overall depressed feeling to it with its finality in the ending. Is worded nicely too.
Nice job. :0) -
Great flow, rhyming wasnt forced... overall great poem. i really liked it... so emotional, not repetitive or boring. well done! thanks for entering =]
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Dieing is not Bad
Dieing is sad. I wish the star was not out. Great and please write more! -
good
I like it. It's dark, and occasionally those things begin too run together in my mind.. but I like the premise of the star in this once, that makes it different. -
awww sad!
It was definitly very lyrical to me as well. It had a nice flow and the rhyming was unforced.
Best of luck in the contest.
~ Diane.
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The flow was wonderful....
I have never been one too into poems, but since I used to write music, I have always looked for a "flow". This has it and is well written. Good one.
-Robert-
beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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Yoah, I could almost hear this in an evanescence song (I'm a fan:-)). I actually strummed my guitar and tried to make something of this (my apologies, you don't need to copyright it lol).
It is a very good poem and I hope you have many more for me to steal.. i mean read :-)
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I like the metaphor for a star as a life-force. Nicely done. Very sad and haunting.
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Wow, I definitely think it's good!! It wasn't too long for me... or too short... I actually think the length was perfect!!
No rhymes were forced. They fell into place perfectly, allowing it to flow amazingly.
The imagery was great. I saw what you were seeing when you wrote this and that makes me proud to read it. In fact, I'm going back to read it again.
Extraordinary poem!!
~Kevan!~ -
Breathtaking... omg... this is just so sad, but so deep... it has so much "soul"... Despite its length, I was pulled in so much in this piece. Wow.
The way you handled rhyme was beautiful, the words perfectly chosen and fitting the poem like a song would have notes, and the flow came out like a beautiful midnight sonata, something that one just hears at night and the melody MAKES that person just listen to it til it ends... spellbound, I am, I guess. ^_^
Even if the poem itself had a sad ending, I love the semi-spiritual tone it had at the end.
I think I know who you are even without looking at your other commenters and without looking at your name 
Thank you for writing this and for entering it in my contest, good luck!
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The emotions and imagery are amazing in this. You have such a way with words that leaves me breathless everytime. While this is a sensitive subject for a lot of people you handle it with great poise. Great work. good luck in the contest
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