Trouble awaited me as I opened the door to my office expecting an empty room but instead finding a knife to the gut.
Go fuck yourself Joe! Whispers the voice
I instantly recognize the far apart eyes, crushed nose and dirty brown eyes so ugly it made his mother slap him on more than one occasion. I quickly punch him in the throat and jab him in the stomach then knee him in the groin dropping him like a brick to the floor. Kicking him one last time for good measure I go into my desk for some handcuffs and handcuff him to the desk. Going into my desk again I pull out a bottle of whiskey and start the task of removing the knife. After chugging about half the whiskey bottle and a couple of dozens pulls the knife finally comes out along with a spurt of blood that lands on the ugly bastards face. Pouring the remains of the whiskey on the wound I grab the stapler off the desk and close the hole in my gut.
Clack!
Clack!
The pain is so vast I feel a darkness surrounding me. Hazy thought and even hazier images start to cloud me mind. It’s at this point I realize what a volatile combination blood loss and whiskey truly is.
Waking up with a headache resembling a bomb going off I see that my friend with the blood stained face is trying to get away. I smile forms on my lips as I think “today gonna be a good day” walking up to him I ask “why”
“Simple” he replies with a smile “you’re a dick and I don’t like dicks”
Shrugging off the easy joke I punch him in the face and ask again “why did you try to kill me raine?" Suddenly a heavy thud lands on my head and I’m out yet again.
does it flow well?
does it flow well?
Comments
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Interesting
This reads much like one of the Sam Spade-type novels.
Maybe, "Go fuck yourself Joe!" Whispers a voice. This way since the words were actually heard.
The name, "raine" should be capitalized.
Loved the way the wound was repaired. Hey, can you actually close off a knife wound like that? I don't care about the reason, whiskey should be sipped, but what the heck, a suprise knife can make you do all sorts of stuff. Especially liked the ending which is leading to .... what? Where are we going?
beginning: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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thanks
i know the wound repair doesn't make sense but it leaves it an image in your head. hardboiled was the flavor i was going for since I'm kinda into that right now. -
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Doesn't make sense? You mean this doesn't work!!??? Now I have to take the stapler out of the First Aid Kit. Grrrr. LOL.... Used to read some novels with Nick Charles (well, a couple), Sam Spade, etc., and this sounds so much like the way one of those would have read. Still good writing.
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whiskey and loss of blood? that sounds like a different combo... "Suddenly a heavy thud lands on my head and I’m out yet again." alas! a cliff-hanger. a very interesting one, also. the beginning was full in "pace 'n punch". in my opinion, it engages the reader.
it's a sorrow that someone else has yet to leave a comment!
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