She Stood In a Shadowed Doorway

SHE STOOD IN A SHADOWED DOORWAY 1

by Robert Davidson.2

She stood in a shadowed doorway for a few moments before stepping out to walk up and down under the street light. Her white sheath skirt tight to the thigh. A flashy female figure with fading, red-brown hair. Her face set in lacquer smile. The neon nightscape reflecting in plate glass. She stepping back into the doorway, a police pick-up car cruising past. On the other side of the street a well-fleshed man of forty was eyeing her with bright predatory eye.3

She met his glance as he came up to her. A grin glistening on his wet mouth. She aware of his stare. The opening of her blouse; the swelling inside; the white cleft; shadowed. His presence tense before her. She said to herself, here’s yet another mediocre male! At length she was the one to break the silence. The paint on her lips mouthing her name was Roxanne. The masculine shape of his voice said he was called Tony - Tony Hart.4

Turning back to the doorway, her mouth smiling. She beckoned him to follow. A hallway leading to a flight of stone stairs that smelled of damp, a banister greasy to the touch. Stairs going up and up steep and dim as Calvary, where Tony got glimpses into sordid rooms. On the third landing they came to a door which opened into a large airless room. A shaft of neon light from the street laid bare a thin, torn curtain hanging loosely over a dusty window. In one corner was a large matrimonial bed pushed against the wall. A stain on the counterpane.5

Unbuttoning her blouse, Roxanne said, ‘Here, let me undress,’ her hand detaining, restraining his hand. Tony now finding himself searching for something to say. Shyness? Or perhaps imagining how he might introduce a touch of tenderness into the encounter, giving some personal consideration. Not just the crude conjunction of bodies on a bed going through motions. Something deeper, he wondered if it were possible, perhaps simply talking or holding one another for a while. But he couldn’t get the words out.6

Then he touched her with his voice, he was saying: ‘Look, there’s nobody in the world, but us tonight.’ But his words to Roxanne were like a hot wind blowing over her face. She pulled a mouth, her black eyes blazing, her voice cut, said: ‘Take it easy, Tony.’ His mouth, a meaty mass about to move above her throat. She shrinking back as if a flame had leaped towards her face, tearing her mouth away from his. Seeing that broad smile on his fat face. The impact of his life slicing into hers. Their thoughts clashing like pebbles in mid-air. 7

Then a deep, bedrock distrust hardened her heart. If she were female foolish enough to … No, she told herself, men must be kept strictly within the four-square enclosure of themselves. I too must keep myself taut within my own self. Then she spoke out loud to him: “Now you’re so terribly male upset. Well, you’ve just crossed the forbidden frontier. What do you expect?’8

Warp-heads like him. No hopers of the worst kind. He was just another brutal, clumsy male, Roxanne argued within herself. Men are tough, insentient creatures, hard as iron. He, like all men was selfish, aware only of himself, must prove himself in the male position in face-to-face embrace. Men - the deception they expect and need. And me the mere tool for his ego-satisfaction. That’s all I am to him. He’d never own me publicly. They were fitting together now for the final thrust of lust. Well, let’s get it over with, she stiffening, hardening her spine in resistance.9

But the deeps are dark in the human soul. Feeling herself turn to stone, Roxanne shut tight her mouth, her eyes becoming fixed, her vision in-turned, her body slipping from her as he entered her. She, mentally detached from her body, was thinking of Cherie, the girl who often worked the same beat as herself. Cherie would return to Roxanne’s room later that night. In imagination she felt Cherie’s blood-red lips upon her own. The warmth of the girl’s breath. Roxanne was living it all inside her head. Let your mind float, she was telling herself. Cherie, the woman she had come to know better than herself. Tender love kindled, a soft flame lapping her. Somewhere on the edge of her mind, or in her heart Roxanne wept.10

But gripped in her strong arms and straddling thighs, Tony Hart had never felt more utterly alone. And within himself he said to his soul: We can never meet … except for a moment. Foolish of me to have expected more. Our lone paths briefly cross one another, then we’re blown apart forever. So, except for a few random street-meets on nights like this, Tony has remained faithful to the love of his early days, Jenny, the girl who died.11

Well, he’s got what he wanted, Roxanne reflected as she returned once more to her body, her eyes mocking the sated lover tossing money onto the bed. She putting on her mouth at the glass, was busying herself with herself. I no longer have existence for her, Tony’s thoughts were tortuously in-woven, as he watched her slender fingers counting out the money.12

In a closing of words and doors, it was like a nail being driven through your heart, Tony fancied. He was beating a retreat. She following him down the stairs to where she stood like an avenging angel in the shadowed doorway. Her look of scorn unnerves. Tony felt stiff as a conscience. Enough to destroy the man in a man. His lusty night blowing away like dead winter leaves.13

Copywrite 2007
http://www.robertdavidson.blogsource.com

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 48 of 48

  • Reaver Greeters member
    August 16, 2008
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    thanks for entering. REally enjoyed this story. Rian.


  • Naive.
    August 15, 2008
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    I really liked this. You used description that was quite breathtaking. And the emotion in this piece was amazing. I could feel the distrust and heartbreak. Also, I love what you chose to write about. Stories about prostitution, when written well, can be quite fantastic and sick. Great job.

    Thanks for entering and great luck! =]

    -jj


  • Tarja
    July 29, 2008

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    Congrats on all the trophies. This was a GREAT piece. I loved the story and the characters were fabulous. Thank you so much for entering and good luck.


  • Frozen Angel
    July 26, 2008

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    A prostitute and a man that can never have her. I've read a lot of romance stories, but never, were they in this situation. This was very interesting to read. Thank you for entering my contest.

    *Frozen Angel*

  • sugarrrainbow
    July 8, 2008

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    Wow, this was really great!
    You've worded this really well, the vocabulary was exceptional! It's very hard to find words that just fit together like you've done here, so that's amazing!
    I loved it!


  • callthexylophone
    May 17, 2008

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    I really like this, I believe I've commented you before, but I can't really judge you in my contest because you've already got golds and silvers from other contests! You deserved them, however, so congrats! ^_^


  • Jenni-Wren
    April 14, 2008

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    Beautiful. This piece was extremely easy to read and very poetic. Your descriptions were amazing. Well done!
    And thank you for entering the contest.


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    April 9, 2008

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    Obviously well written

    Good descriptive work both of scene and emotion. Within the contest however I am looking more for that sweet revenge factor although that alone does not eliminate you as a finalist.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • CasperQueenofHoochie
    April 6, 2008

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    your style makes me so jealous. I love it. There was something so poetic about it. Thank you for entering, this is one of my favorites. Good luck!

  • HoneyAngel
    March 7, 2008

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    Wow, this has been entered a lot of times and I can see why it has the trophys it does. Good job.

    Good luck.

    Angel


  • Shah Z
    March 7, 2008
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    good but should have had more to it


  • always feel pretty
    February 25, 2008

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    this was good. i enjoyed it.

    thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!

    erica♥xoxo


  • beezy92
    February 12, 2008
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    Wow you got a lot of trophies for this (= And I see why. You have great description. There were some grammar mistakes at the begininning (she stepping back) and I din't like how the sentences were fragmented even though I know it wsan't an error, its a style. I think it's a good story its just not for me.

    Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!


  • UnEdibleChick
    February 11, 2008
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    Whoa, you have a lot of lists!


  • Prodigious.Mirth
    February 2, 2008

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    gOOD luck with the contest...

    I quite enjoyed reading this story and I think you provided a great one... the imagary and scenery not to mention dialgoue and character tone was great x.x.x

    blair


  • potaytee
    December 20, 2007

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    That was great. Golly you've entered a lot of contest. And saw you got heaps of prizes. Well done, you deserve it!


  • caitlinstephanie
    December 20, 2007
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    Great job!! i really did like it!!!!! thanks for entering the contest and good luck!


  • yumesandman
    November 29, 2007

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    I haven't read it quite yet, but there is one little thing you need to do before I can. I would suggest going back and reading the rules of my contest.


  • Miss Hanako Cullen
    November 8, 2007

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    This was very interesting to read. Dark and yet..oblivious at the same time. lol. I was caught from the beginning to the end. However, the story felt very rushed and I'm not really one for LONG LONG stories..but this one had a feeling of urgency in it. Maybe lengthening it and detailing some other sections would give it that living, spooky reality feel.

    Thanks for entering and Good Luck!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Noominimeg
    November 1, 2007

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    Very nice

    I loved the disjointed writing style. The descriptions and thoughts were wonderfully written. I enjoyed this read very much. Job very well done.


  • sheatethewholeworld
    October 25, 2007

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    holy crap, that was so exquisitely written, im almost at a loss for words. put very simply, you deserve every trophy you got for this story. its beautiful and dark. thanks so much for entering the contest.


  • bowmore bill
    October 18, 2007

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    Absolutly brilliant Robert, the description of the protagonists, their surroundings and their unspoken thoughts were great. a smashing bit of writing


  • indomitable
    September 20, 2007

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    this was a poignant and sad story, very well written and vivid. wasnt what i was expecting, but lovely just the same.

  • EnemyOfAll
    September 13, 2007

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    very good descriptions, you showed the different point of views quite well, good write, keep up the good work


  • Ziee..
    August 26, 2007

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    Wow..
    I really liked it.. it was very diffrent.. in a good way, dont worry =]
    Loved it..

    Good luck

  • cayuck
    August 7, 2007

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    Interesting story written at a high level. Both characters had great flaws and descriptions. I thought the pace was a bit slow, but overall a very good read.


  • Token Massacre silver member
    July 12, 2007

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    I like the description of this piece. It flows well and doesn't feel overdone.
    Could have used some dialogue to intertwine the characters a little more, otherwise it's a good write.


  • EmeraldDreams
    June 24, 2007
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    Wonderful description and imagery in this piece....you really put the reader right there in the scene. It is gritty and realistic, and very powerful. A great piece indeed, using a good vocabulary and a strong emotional slant throughout.

    Thanks for the entry.

  • Kitzwa
    June 14, 2007
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    Wow there is such great description in this story. Nice job.


  • mystery20writer
    June 9, 2007
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    amazing

    wow, you right with such passion, your a really talented writer .

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • IvoryRose
    June 9, 2007

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    Very descriptive, and it flows great. I love you use of language in this piece. It's absolutely a wonderful piece. Thank you for writing and for entering.

    Kat

  • Kissless
    June 1, 2007
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    I was a bit confused ain the beginning but it came together for me in the end.


  • Rosemary silver member
    May 31, 2007
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    Sad story

    But often a true one. Good writing and descriptions. Thank you for entering my contest.


  • ArdLiath
    May 28, 2007

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    Great Work

    Well written and easy to read with fantastic descriptions and feelings.

    Good luck in the contest
    Liath


  • asthray.heart
    May 28, 2007
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    This was good thank you for entering goodluck in the contest.

    Lady Madeline.


  • VioletConcept
    May 27, 2007

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    I have one question before I comment on anything, did YOU write this and you forgot one thing I WILL DQ you for it, please make sure you read all of the rules before entering


  • LostShadow silver member
    May 27, 2007

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    Very nicely written with great descriptions within this piece, nothing wrong with it.

    Thanks for entering and good luck

    Em


  • Bitter Irony
    May 25, 2007

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    Wonderful plot, characters.

    Your plot and characters were excellently developed. Your description, however, seems to ride very heavily on adjectives: I suggest getting rid of at least half the adjectives in your first paragraph, and cutting some from the main body of the story as well. You use enough sensory details to describe things, you don't need all the adjectives.

    Good luck in all the contests!

    beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 4.


  • Sith Lord Alvarez
    May 21, 2007

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    i guess this does really happen...
    i would have liked you to expand more on some parts but thats ok

    buena suerte


  • Maui Jane silver member
    May 12, 2007

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    Wow

    My, oh my, you've done it again. You have this insane ability to create such magic with your stories. This is so good, so intense. It read more as poetry which made it all the sweeter. And there's actually something deeper reflected in this story - I hate to say moral because that's not actually the word I'm looking for. (great, now I can't think of any words - look what you've done!) But there's a message in here that exists in everyone's reality and you've brought it to life quite vividly.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • EtherealButterfly
    May 9, 2007
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    I'm am in awe of the imagery you've compacted in merely 1,064 words. This wasn't just a story, but a movie, played rather easily in my head. Goodness gracious. I feel honored that you've entered my contest with such exceptional work! Ever so effortlessly you've made it to the Finalists List. Congratulations!


  • Delfishie
    May 9, 2007

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    neat

    You made some interesting language choices in this story. Often they worked well, like poetry or other imagery-intensive pieces, but occasionally they caused me to go, "what the heck?"

    Example:

    "Now you’re so terribly male upset."

    What does this mean? Is it supposed to mean anything? Did you make it up or is it slang wherever you live? Either way, "male upset" threw me out of the story and made me more than a bit confused.

    Besides that, however....

    Awesomeness. Have you ever read Francesca Lia Block? She writes sort of half-poetry half-prose stories with fanciful language and a different worldview. This story strongly reminded me of her stuff, only more grown-up. More adult (and not in an erotica sense, but in a maturity sense). Very nice.

    The theme of loneliness was also a nice touch. Very well done. Very subtle.

    And the "Chicago" shout out? Hee! I kept singing the "Roxie Hart" song while reading this.

    Great job.


  • nichtmich
    May 7, 2007

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    Fascinating

    This is GOOD. Two lonely people who who are longly together without any meeting of the minds. Sad and tawdry, but very realistic.


  • LostShadow silver member
    May 5, 2007
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    This was very good! Thanks for entering.

    Keep up the great writting and good luck

    Em


  • Faeinthewood
    May 4, 2007

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    This was very good. I liked how you got into both of their thoughts and feelings. The story was interesting and kept you wanting to read more. Are you going to write more about them, or their relationship. Because its good. *claps*


  • Tizriz
    May 3, 2007

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    Excellent use of description with regard to thoughts and feelings. I actually felt FOR him at the end. Good use of vocab...er...no criticism - NICE one

  • Thabiso76
    April 30, 2007

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    very good

    this story is very intriguing. The two people caught in the life they both don't like but go on and live it anyway. I sense that gloumor of prostitution is realy overrated as sex without emotions sometimes troubles the people engaged in it.

    beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • illegalfairy
    April 28, 2007

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    wow

    this was really good. I love how you have it worded and how you go into what each of the characters are thinking and feeling. This was really good. Thank you for entering it into the contest.

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