The rain beat down softly upon her as she walked slowly down the sidewalk. She wasn't sure where she was going, but she had to go. Her tears mingled with the falling droplets from the sky.
Cars passed by her. She knew they wouldn't notice her. Who would? She was just a shadow in this lonesome world, to be used and abused. Her dark unkempt hair fell into her face in one big wet heap as she stumbled over the broken concrete.
She cursed at it in a soft voice before gaining her posture once more. Her gray eyes scanned the surroundings. A lone man sat on the bench across the road. There was something about him that called to her. She knew better than to come anywhere near humans, but this one had something about him. She couldn't quite figure out what it was.
The rain started to come down harder, but she didn't notice. His eyes had her captivated once she found them amidst all the dingy brown that he wore. She was drowning in the twin magenta spheres. She watched as he stood, water poured down from his dusty looking hat.
He smiled at her, and before she could even blink he was there, beside her, a hand around her waist, "Hello there."
She tried to speak, but only mumbling came out of her mouth. His seductive deep voice was just as alluring as his eyes.
His hand was on her face, wiping away all the tears that she had shed, "Who would upset a beauty like you?" He held her close to him.
She felt as is she should tell him everything, even the things that were to never be mentioned. Those secrets were the very reason that she decided to run away, she was tired of lying to the ‘humans’ and tired of being picked on by the more talented of her kind.
His hand trailed through her long hair. She looked up at him, he was a good head taller than she. Her eyes traced over his jaw line and lips. She bit down softly on her lower lip as she debated on what to say to her handsome new friend.
"How would you like to become my new apprentice," he whispered into her ear.
"Apprentice for what?" It took her a minute to compose herself and give him a direct response.
"So you do speak," she watched as his eyes twinkled and his brow rose up in a quizzical manner. "I'm a wealthy mortician, and I wish to take you under my wing."
His arms fell down to his sides as he watched her. She tried to determine how old he was, he couldn't be much older than herself. She took a deep breath and gave him her answer; yes.
He smiled down at her and winked. "Shall we head back toward my house? Forget about all of your belongings, for I will buy you better things."
Amaya simply nodded and followed her mysterious new friend. As they reached the gate to his enormous dark red house, the rain stopped and grey clouds covered the sky. She was too entranced to hear the warning signs that went off inside her, for there were to be dark days ahead of her once she entered the threshold. Dark days that would never end until her life was taken from her.
Author notes
Second Part!
Ok, so, yeah... I'm sorry if the end is kinda... bleh... I got sleepy... >.>
A contest entry
- Anything. by pathetic.
530 points, ended February 26, 2008, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - WHAT THE HECK IS A PAY IT FORWARD CONTEST? by La Maravilla.
300 points, ended May 21, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Pay It Forward - Prewrites allowed by Sith Lord Alvarez.
900 points, ended May 21, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING! by Magma Globe.
130 points, ended July 13, 2007, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - QUICKIE! Only open for a few hours! VERY easy! by Kevan.
225 points, ended October 26, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
Oh wow. The beginning's really depressing but after that the heat picks up and it's really good. Good luck in the contest, and I hope to read more of this.
xxx
-KEvan -
wow this is very good. i thought i needed to read this one to understand the next one... but this is really good i love it. it sounds like you have a great story here. i would love for you to make this longer and turn it into like a series type thing. its really good. just if you do make this longer try to go and add a little background to the story. of how the girl came to walking the street crying, things like that. but its great short too. anyways again great story, i really enjoyed it. great job and keep up the great work.
-LostSoul
-
GLOOMY AND COOL!
You really interested me in the start but it got quite... Just weird in the middle but i loved the end. This is so a masterpeice.
-
Smooth
I love the begining ,the feeling of loneliness that she feels, but i dislike the inclusion of the fact that she's an witch other than that i like the story.
-
You should definately add some more to this story. The flow is great, but maybe you could add more detail? Particularly to the man's looks and Amaya's surroundings to give a better image of what she sees. Good story though! Keep writing!
-
-
Am working on a second part... but i'm being slow, so, yeah... and i'll make a note to bring in more detail to this piece ^___^ thanks!
-
-
Wow, It needs to be a bit longer...You should write more to this ^.^ I like it a lot! Keep going Krysa!!!!
-
-
lol... i'm working on the second part, along with a third part on a diff. story.. as well as a new story, so, yeah...
-
-
Your flow is awesome within this and the story is awesome. I only wish it were longer! Good luck in my contest!
-
-
Thanks!!
-
-
I thought this was very good as well. However, you definitely need to expand this, don't leave us hanging! Excellent flow throughout. I'd like to see what happens to this witch, and why is she running away. C'mon, gotta have more!
-
Kewl
Nice Krysa! lol They/he/she kind of remind me of Twilight and New Moon with Edward and Bella. =) I likes it. Ya gonna continue it? I really liked how uhm, whats the word, sweet I guess, I know thats not the right word, how the vampire guy was. Kina like Edward. An the girls response to him was good too, kina like she was stuck in his spell of stuff. lol -
-
lol, yeah, i am planning on continuing this one.
I got myself excited on this one... lol... so, i had better do atleast a second part or else i shall be angry with myself ^_^ i LOVE Edward... and Bella...
-
-
This was good, the ending was fine.
Thanks for entering and goodluck.
Lady Madeline.
-
-
Thanks! And no problemo
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
