The gentle rumbling of the train relaxed Murtyr to such a degree that she had trouble keeping her eyes open. The man sat opposite her had been sleeping for some time, allowing his newspaper to hang precariously in his ever-loosening grip. Murtyr’s head jerked up as she tried her best to stave off the soothing monotony of the train. The man’s newspaper finally escaped his fingers and slapped down onto the floor of the train, rousing him from his slumber. Murtyr reached into her pocket and pulled out something that caused alarm to spread over the man’s face; her handgun.
A contest entry
- Short, Sweet, and Sizzling by Arcularis.
750 points, ended May 26, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Aha! Very unexpected twist there at the end! I liked this. The title was especially good
and I liked how she waited for him to wake up to kill him. Very cold and angry. -
exciting
when the man put his paper daownbeginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 4.
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Because of the feedback for this story so far, I may consider adding new chapters of exactly 100 words every so often. Or I may just expand on it and ignore word limits.
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i like it. it makes me want to keep reading if there will be more. it also made me hold my breath like i do in horror films
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Nice... it made me want to read more I LOVED it nicely done
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well, i see that you have decided to go intot he murder business...just kidding. great job with this and i hope to see moer of your work very soon.
oh, and good luck in the contest of course. -
Great job. leading up to the point of murder, yet not exactly mentioning the murder. excellent job, very well done.
and exactly one hundred words. good job.
good luck. -
Problem with only 100 words is you can't detail much and it leaves with many questions. This is an interesting concept, I hope after the contest is over you think about expanding it. Good luck in the contest.
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