David

The house on the hill was perfect. He knew every nook and cranny of every room. He knew where the money was stashed. He could easily get to everything and get out quickly. As an added bonus, the house was very secluded, being surrounded by tall oak trees.

2 a.m. The house was perfectly quiet. The teen girl asleep in her room at the back of the house, the little boy in his room across the hall from her, and their parents snuggled up in the master suite just around the corner from the top of the stairs.

Outside, a man waited across the street from the house in his car waiting, anticipating, for the right moment. When that moment came, he did not know.

3 a.m. The stars were perfectly aligned, for him, and he took it as a sign. Time to go. A slither of light from the quarter moon overhead illuminated his path through the yard and trees, and all the twinkling little stars.

He would dare not use a flashlight. The light from the moon and stars produced enough light. He wore dancing slippers; they produced no sound and left no tracks behind.

As he approached the house, he felt in his belt for the small blade of the knife he would use to protect himself, and the jacket for the billy club he would use to shatter a window if he needed, and the bag in which he would carry his small treasures out in. He checked his watch; he still had plenty of time.

He slowly ascended the cracked stone steps that no one had fixed since the last time he visited. The porch still creaked under his weight as he crossed to a large window. The swing swung back and forth rhythmically in the slight breeze.

He reached the window with a measured stride. The window had recently been replaced with a newer, more durable window. The billy club would be used as a last resort to get inside the house. He bent down onto his knees and placed his fingers around the bottom of the pane. He pushed upward, but the window would not budge, however hard he tried. He gritted his teeth and used his entire body weight to slide the window even the slightest bit, even when no progress had been made.

He was about to give up, when, out of the corner of his eye, slightly covered by the mat in front of the door, a metallic object glittered in the moonlight. He stepped over the creaky wood of the porch and bent down. He picked up a small silver key and turned it over in his palm.

He sauntered to the door. The knob felt as cold as ice as his hand wrapped around it. He placed the key in the hole and turned. He prayed that the family hadn’t put in an alarm system. He turned the knob and nudged open the door. Nothing, not a sound. He let out a slow breath he had not known he had held in is lungs.

It opened to a small quaint living room crowded with small figurines shining in the moonlight from the window and furniture. The shag carpeted floor was soft under his feet, not making the slightest sound as he crossed to the other side.

He wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but something of value. The living room held nothing of ample caliber.

He passed through a small arched doorway into another room. He had to be careful in here, the floor was hardwood. This room was a lot less crowded. It held a small table with four chairs.

“I remember this room,” he said quietly to himself. He sifted through the papers staked randomly on the table. “Bills,” he murmured.

He drifted to the other side of the table to the bookcase beside a small round window. A collection of antique toy tea sets cluttered several shelves.

“These will be perfect.” He slipped one tea cup in his bag. As his hand reached for another small tea cup, it knocked a smaller cup into the floor. It shattered with a loud clatter as the small pieces scattered all over the dining room floor.

Above him, he heard the shuffle of feet cross the floor. They must have heard, he thought. Seconds later, he heard stomping on stairs beside him. He looked in that direction and noticed a hidden doorway that must have been put in within the past year. Crap. They definitely heard.

He moved so he stood in front of the door with his hand on the knife. He was ready for a fight. The door creaked as it opened, and a tall, beautiful blonde woman stepped through.

She wore a stark white robe pulled tight with a light blue belt around the waist. She glared evilly at the man standing before her. Menacingly, she said “David, what are you…”

She didn’t have time to finish her sentence before David raised his knife, and plunged it square in the center of his sister’s chest piercing her skin like a boat gliding through water. She gasped for air as she tried to scream. He wrenched the knife out of her body and gouged her skin once more. Blood gushed from her wounds as he continued to thrust the knife in and out of his sister.

Blood splattered David’s clothes. His sister’s robe was drenched in blood. The floor was buried in the sticky, crimson fluid.

His sister fell back against the wall and down to her knees, and finally landed on the floor lying on her stomach. “I hated you! I always hated you! You got everything from Mom. And I was left with nothing but dust to my name! I hate you now, and I will always hate you! And now,” David shook his head and laughed, “you must go.” And with a final blow, he brought the knife into her back with a force so strong, her body jumped into the air.

David looked to the white wall and hardwood floor now smeared with blood. “What have I done? I have killed my own flesh and blood!” he cried to the air.

He panicked and ran out of house, creating a blood trail behind him. He ran through the yard; he ran down the street, forgetting his car. He ran like a madman to the edge of the city. He ran and ran until he couldn’t run any longer. He ran trying to leave what he did behind him.

By the time David stopped to catch his breath, he was at the ocean. “Such a pretty skyline,” he cried drunkenly. He swayed to and fro, the world spinning about him.

“Forgive me, please, forgive me,” he gasped as he collapsed into the icy clear water of the ocean. “Forgive me, please, forgive me.” David said it over and over in his head as he drifted out to sea, letting the current carry him to join his sister in the unknown.

Author notes

Um, I wrote this for project eXceL, and unfortunatly, I did not win (like everyone else in my class). I had orginialy wrote it several years ago, and lost the copy, so this is a second version. It has basically the same storyline and plot, but a lot of it is quite different, with a twist in it.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Lady-Jane
    June 8, 2008

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    good job. Your writing was fluent and really held my attention well the whole time. It was suspenseful and then yet not... it was great!
    -bri


  • Mel-the-Believer
    March 5, 2008

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    Very interesting. Well written. I liked it. I really did. Good job with it. Keep up the writing. God Bless!


  • Vixen7
    February 29, 2008
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    Good entry and it is well written. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.


  • caitlinstephanie
    December 17, 2007
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    great job!!!! good luck in my contest!!!!!!

  • werner1221
    May 17, 2007
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    wow. nicley written. gj and gl in my contest


  • Blackwings
    May 8, 2007
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    Hey I've commented on this stroy before..But, I don't care I still like it nicely done Thank you soo much for entering And good luck


  • playjazz67
    May 3, 2007
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    Very nice

    First, I want to thank you for entering my contest. Second, it is not clear what you did in class but you must have made some improvements becasue this certainly is not something to be ignored. Maybe my only complaint would be the ending seems a little forced; the ocean bit much, but remember this is my opinion. No matter, well done.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.

  • Blackwings
    April 26, 2007

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    I think you should of won!!!! I Liked it losts the story line was great and the way you wored it was great Nicely done

1 - 8 of 8