I sat behind her, second row over, right at the front. Our teacher moved around a few people just to put her there. Mrs. Vincent called her disruptive and difficult, a clown. I called her beautiful. She had this completely smooth, cool way of sauntering into class just after the tardy bell rang, and an even sexier way of brushing off the teacher’s naggings.
I could barely breathe when she’d turn around and ask to borrow a pen. I’d mumble something affirmative as I handed over the writing utensil, knowing full well the pen’s ink would never touch a legitimate piece of paper. She’d flash me that melting, perfect smile before spinning back around and gouging the smooth surface of her wooden desk. Mrs. Vincent used to ask her to stop but now she just turns a blind eye. I think she’s just sick of being embarrassed by her.
I especially love the way she slumps down in her chair and the way her head falls gently to the side resting on her shoulder. It’s then that I know she’s fallen asleep, sometimes from boredom, sometimes from exhaustion, and sometimes, more often than not, from the alcohol in her system. She’s a partier. I had yet to go to a party and not see her. She seemed to have heaps of friends, to be everyone’s friend, but at the same time seemed like a loner.
She was always so quiet but that silence spoke volumes. It enthralled me how words didn’t seem needed with her. The longest conversation I held with her probably contained all of twelve words and yet seemed to last forever.
I never would’ve considered myself gay before I met her, but now I couldn’t deny what I felt. I found myself drifting off more and more, dreaming of what it would be like to be wrapped in those smooth, tanned arms, to kiss those soft daring lips.
My heart would plummet to the floor when the bell would ring and when she didn’t arrive fashionably late I realized she wouldn’t be coming.
So for now I will make myself content with our brief moments and staring at the back of her tousled black hair. Until I get up the balls to actually talk to her we’ll sit there silently flirting for all eternity. She was heaven on earth, a near death experience. And right now I just needed to be near her.
Author notes
Yup there it is.
A contest entry
- "Almost" Anything Goes (Altered) by playjazz67.
175 points, ended May 3, 2007, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give me something good to read 3 by illegalfairy.
400 points, ended May 1, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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What a wonderful piece- so full of imagery that the characters almost spring out of the screen at you, demanding to be read. Hopefully the ending is as ambiguous as it is due to a planned sequel- but even that is only a small complaint. Well done!
beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 2, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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Great imagery! I could definitely picture the party girl in my mind, sexy and late to class just like you wrote. The story made me understand a little how it must be hard to keep those kind of feelings hidden from other people, and I'm sure the main character felt more like herself and at ease when she would flirt with the party girl. It would be an excellent story to lengthen, it was quick and to the point but definitely descriptive enough. I would love to read more about them, and perhaps a little more about the narrator? I feel like you described the party girl to near perfection, but I was left with a sense of curiosity about the narrator's appearance and overall manner. It'd be pretty hot if you wrote about both of them in a more intimate situation...perhaps outside of school at a hotel room? Hahahaha....great story, I enjoyed the read. Keep up the good work, and I'd love to read more. Thanks again for writing!
-code named 17
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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I wish I'd gotten more of a story here, because your characters were well-developed, the emotions are tangible, the setting is perfect... but I doubt you meant for it to be more than this, so I'll have to settle for 400 words... gr...
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NICE
I understand. Good piece of writing (just a few niggles...phrases like "heaven on earth")the best I might offer is: Although you didn't make me fall for the girl (not necessary)...what was more important: You made me feel as you did! I understood very well. Again, nice job.
GA
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this is kind of way too shport but in a goiod way because this part is so good that extending this might actually ruin the story instead of making the story better the way it it there are so many directions you could thake with this.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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neat...
very neat...though short, i enjoyed reading it.keep up the good work ... hope to read more of your works -
Excellent! You did an excellent job at portraying these characters and getting the reader to care about them, all in so few words. You put in just enough details to make it interesting, not boring. I only have one slight criticism: until you mentioned being gay , I didn't know this story was necessarily being told from a female viewpoint. That might just be me, though. Great job!
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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omg...i sooo loved this. it was so sweet and so cute. i'm not really into gay stories..but this one just stands out..great job..wish i could say more..but i'm in a hurry
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wow this is really good I really love it so much keep it up writing! I LOVE this absolutely. God bless!
~*~Peace&Love - Kizy~*~
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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First thank you for entering my contest. This is really shows some emotion, pulling me into your thoughts. You were not really clear as to the gender of the object of your affections yet somehow that doesn't seem to matter. The ending changed time when you went from "would" to "For now," giving an almost after thought feeling. In any case it was a great read.
beginning: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 4.
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That was really nice, yours is the first story I've read on here. I hope the others match up to it. A touching and accurate portrayal of a teenage crush, I liked the twist at the end (or maybe it wasn't meant to be twist) I was anticipating a different turn - some kind of disillusionment - but the revelation of the protagonist's homosexuality was a nice subversion of my expectations. The ending seemed a little tacked on to me and could perhaps use some changes but, overall, a fine piece.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 2, characters: 5.
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I too was confused on the gender of the main character. It's not really clear. Also, in the 3rd paragraph you seem to slip into present tense for once sentence with "It’s then that I know she’s fallen asleep," That was a bit awkward, perhaps reword that sentence.
Strong prose. It flowed fairly well. I'd like to see this expanded and turned into something more! -
Excellent. So sad she didn't turn out to be gay. Normally though, in real life, that doesn't happen. Disappointing I know, but someday you will find someone like her or who knows? Maybe she is gay! Ether way, your character description was really effective. Amazing job! Very deep! Keep it up!!
~Kevan~ -
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Thanks
Thank you for commenting i love feed back. She actually turned out to be gay they both are. Lol. I wrote this from my girlfriends view. In high school she had a crush on me so i turned it into a story. Thanks again.
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good job
nicely done, the only problem I have with it is that you can't really tell what gender the person speaking is supposed to be. I wonder if they scored with there dream girl or not!beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, characters: 3.
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This was good. It reminds me of me. except i had a huge crush on this guy. i never did talk to time till like 4 years later. i liked this. Good job and thank you for entering it into the contest.
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Yayness!!! I liked it!!!! I think that it was good
I liked how it kept me attension though out Nicely done!!!
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nice write :)
Enjoyed reading it. was short, but still kept my attention. nice work
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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This was definitely a perspective i liked! A story about being infatuated w/a girl, while seeing the back of her head. I liked that you didn't give too much description of her face, besides the smile. It allows the reader to sort of toy with what she looks like.
*Rianna
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I love it this makes me think of the boy who sitss behind me in my English class coz i'm always late and sleeping...very descriptive and get theme i;d applaud but i have no points lol
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this is a good write. I was thinking I would find mistakes but didn't find any. which makes it even better. I love all the description.
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