First of all, at the time of this story, I was in a Lutheran boarding school. Bisexuality, well, it isn't exactly smiled upon. In fact, it isn't tolerated at all. So, like any good little Lutheran girl, I went through a systematic crush of every guy in the school, until I finally "landed" one. But, I suppose you could say that my life, my life out of hiding, began on Sweetest Day. It's strange, you know, how everything gets shoved into perspective for you...1
-"He stood me up!" I was absolutely furious. "The son of a expletive deleted stood me up!!!"-2
On Sweetest Day. What kind of an @^$ stands a person up on Sweetest Day? I stalked back to my room in a right state, practically spitting nails. But I didn't go straight to my room, I went to the person who knew me best- my roommate's sister. 3
"Sweetie, what in the world...?"4
"He stood me up!" And standing there, seeing her so worried about me, it undid me completely. I threw myself into her arms and cried.5
That was the beginning. Sara and I, we grew closer day by day. I spent every available moment of my time with her, and she with me. But I was careful to hide the fact that had become painfully obvious; I had fallen for her. HARD. I hid it, fearing her rejection, and then I quashed it. Just purged it from myself, pretended it didn't matter, and life went on. At one time, I even had myself convinced.6
But we were inseperable, right up until the spring handbell festival. Our handbell group travels, and that year the highlight was playing at Brodhead. We paired off, and there was absolutely no doubt in anyone's minds that Sara and I would be together. We stayed at my dad's (my parents are divorced), which was close enough to commute to festival, but we had guests that weekend, and had to both stay in my room. 7
I didn't think anything of it. We got ready for bed that night, not even feeling the need to turn our backs to each other, chattering and laughing. But when we got into bed, Sara fell quiet.8
"Sara?" I turned to face her, propped my cheek in my hand. "What's up?" 9
"I just..." She wouldn't look at me. That was strange. It was one of the things I loved best about her; that she would always look me in the eye when she was talking to me, and she had the most beautiful multi-toned green eyes. I could drown in eyes like that. "It's nothing. You'll think I'm nuts."10
"Try me." Think your nuts with everything that turns in my head? Ha! Not on your life. She finally turned to me, bringing those gorgeous eyes in contact with mine. 11
"Do you... Nadja, do you love me?"12
"Love you?" I lifted my head off my hand, and looked down at her. "Sair, you know I do. You're my best friend, you know me inside out, you're everything to me."13
"Could you...Do you love me...as MORE than a friend?"14
Now that took me aback. "Sara, what do you mean?"15
"It's just...that day that Ted stood you up...you were so upset, but you just...got over it, just shoved it away to deal with my problems," Her dad had gotten sick. It wasn't a good time for her; I did what I could. I didn't even think about it at the time... "and it didn't even bother you...you're so strong...and I thought, 'I could love someone like that'."16
'I could love someone like that'. The words shook me straight down to my soul. I could feel everything that I had quashed in the last months screaming back with a vengeance. It sent a tremor down my spine. Sara misinterpreted it, and turned away.17
"I'm sorry, you must think I'm a freak..." That's all I let her get out. I pushed her shoulder down, toward me, forcing her to look at me again. 18
"I don't...Sara, you have no clue..." 19
The moment called for it. I kissed her, gently, on lips that had already parted to form astonishment. It was my very first kiss, and hers too I learned later, soft and hesitant but no less striking for all that. Her hands ran up my sides, under my shirt, lightly...I was shivering with the force of it. I don't do things in half-measures, and neither does she. One hand on her cheek and one tangled in her hair, I gave myself over, despite the warning voice in my head that said "your mother is going to kill you..."20
And she almost did, but that's a story you'll just have to ask me about later...21
Author notes
Sara and I broke up a year later. She got freaked when people found out, and ended it. I don't blame her; homosexuality isn't for everyone. She's engaged now, and happy with her new fiancee (who is a man, by the way). I'm single still, haven't found anyone to compare with her yet, man or woman. We're friends again, in case anyone wanted to know. I still love her. I always will. But sometimes, if you love something, you have to give it up.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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i love this...it was so sweet how you guys had your first kiss....i liked that...i know what you mean by "if you love something you have to give it up" i had to give up my ex and i love her with all my heart and sooooo much more....but i moved and had to give up her...we're still friends but its hard to keep in contact...i hope everything works out for you....good luck!
~steph -
Awe!! That was so cute! I wish my first kiss was like that. Very well written.
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It's alright. Stuff happens, you know?
Like I said; It's not for everybody.
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im sorry she freaked out
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This is a very honest writing. You did a wonderful job in expressing yourself. Someday, your prince charming will be in front of you. He better treat you like queen. Thank you for your comments on my poem "A Cup of Coffee" Thanks Rick
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And bless you too Steph. I'm very glad you liked it, and I hope your muse never dries up either.
Nais tuke,
~Nadja -
Sad ending. But I guess that's what life is. But you will find someone.
Good write
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wow this was great...too bad it couldn't have worked...But you told this story incredibly well. Thank you so much for sharing. May your years to come of writing be as good as this. Just completely Amazing! God Bless you Nadja.
~Steph~ -
Wow, I just reread your comment and...huh. You would be glad to say you had someone like me? That just...I haven't gotten a better compliment. Thanks so much . It made my day.
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I think the most emotive line is the last one you used in your "authors questions/comments". That had me in tears.
Very enjoyable read, thank you. Good luck to you for the future.
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This is fantastic.. I love the way you used dialogue. the way you didn't need to justify anything.. Good luck in the contest... (and I never say that lightly)
xXx -
Awwww, thats so sad, this was a bitter sweet love story. I loved the story, I think you did a great job, and I'm sad to hear that you guys broke up a year later. I'm curious what happend with your Mom? Tell me!!!! lol j/k I know that could be private but great job here, describing your first kiss.
Irilis -
that is such a sweet story. i would be proud to say i had someone like you. i'm happy you guys are still friends its better off to end as friends then never talk again (or so i think.) i hope you find someone to your liking and how is up to your standards. best of luck to you. -tempest. ps. Great write
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This was a sweet tale. I enjoyed it. It's hard to leave those you truly love but the real ones need to be let go. Beautifly told. Thank you.
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