Chance had brought me this far, I was convinced. Lying with her head on my shoulder I looked out the window at the full moon unable to believe how the events of the past few days had unfolded. The girl I’d been watching out of the corner of my eye, the girl who always made me blush when she entered the room was lying here with me.
Her eyelids flickered, she began to wake. Carefully, delicately she stretched. Working the tiredness out her limbs she sat upright, the sparkles on her t-shirt reflecting the moonlight. The clock flickered onto 03:07, someone once told me this was the witching hour, when magic happened. I’d laughed it off at the time but now I believe it was true. Only magic could have caused the emotions I was feeling.
Her brown eyes shone back at me,
“You still awake?” she asked, her voice was soft. Like music, or poetry. I’ve never been very good at that sort of thing but this moment made me want to be all those things, romantic, charming, passionate.
“Yeah” I replied in a whisper, too loud a voice would shatter this moment.
“I couldn’t sleep” I admitted, my heart was pounding in my chest, my senses on fire. Sleep was the last thing on my mind.
I raised my hand, her dark hair had fallen into her eye again, the way it always did. Carefully, deliberately I pushed it aside. Her skin was soft, warm like nothing I’d ever touched before. The feeling lingered in my fingertips, long after the contact had ended.
She moved her head, subtly. Trying to remake the contact, my heart was pounding in my chest. Slowly I touched her cheek again, my head began to drift closer to hers, and hers to mine.
The movement took a lifetime.
Her lips grazed mine, she was so warm. I could hear her breath, smell her perfume. Slowly, deliberately we kissed.
There was just her and me, we kissed and left magic to make the time stand still.
Author notes
What do you think? Romance is not my field. I'd really welcome any comments you have.
A contest entry
- Clickyity Click! by asthray.heart.
450 points, ended April 27, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - "Here's Looking at You Kid" by katiefran.
400 points, ended May 9, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options... or Fantasy! by Radiance.
225 points, ended May 24, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options!!! by Hell Boy.
115 points, ended June 19, 2007, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Hey lets make love by Cutiewithanicebooty.
175 points, ended June 9, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Sealed with a Kiss by jenni-veev.
200 points, ended June 23, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Not Dumb by tacobell4me08.
310 points, ended July 2, 2007, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Major Romance Spree!! by Taboo Pixie.
230 points, ended August 9, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Kiss by beezy92.
500 points, ended March 30, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Any good?
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I like it a lot! I think romance might be one of your fields...jsut not the trite romance. Which is why I love this! There should hav been punctuation at the end of every quotation and there were a couple grammatical mistakes but all the greats have those Finalist list
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I think this was a really great scene. I loved the way emotions and feelings were put into such a small scene..well its not really small but..you know what I mean..this was really good..great job and thanks for entering.
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I loved this! Great job! This is what I have been looking for. I enjoyed the whole story. It was great. The charecters were life like and everything felt real. The detail was incredible. I just think the word flockered was used one too many times. I think when you talk about the numbers on the clock changing, you shouldn't use the word flickered. Other than that I have no complaints. Good luck and thanks for entering.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Romance isn't your field? You lie.
The character's feelings are portrayed quite well and the ending is awesome!
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This was just the right length, any longer would have made it seem forced.
The description of how the guy was feeling was very well done and it definetly made me know what he was thinking and what he was going through.
For not being one who write's alot of romance, you did a good job.
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Nicely done. A few awkward sentences here and there but the emotion came through quite well. Excellent work!
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I like this. Very well written i like your detail. The kiss was passionate, very nice. =] though i think you could re-write this "Her lips grazed mine, she was so warm." to maybe, "Her lips grazed mine they were so soft and lucious." so it flows nicer. Other then that amazingly done,
good luck and thank you for entering my contest
<3 Jenni-veev -
very good,ty for entering my contest
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This is great, for romance not being your field. I liked the way the piece focused on the emotions in the moment. This was very nice.
When the main character speaks, make sure you put the commas before the quotation marks- these things: " "
Besides that, it was great. Thank you for entering my contest. -
this is an exceedingly romantic piece and i loved it! puts you into the moment very well. my heart was pounding right along with his. just enough description to let the reader feel like they are there but not over powering. thanks for entering my contest and good luck!
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I liked it very very much. I did notice you on two of the three spoken lines you did not place punctuation. You want to put commas at the end of the sentence before the umm...i can't spell what it is.
well this ----> ".
Yeah, I'm an idiot...I know...Anyway I liked it!! gooood job!!
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Thanks, I'll see if I can spot the lack of, those things
Apostrophes.
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This was very sweet, I am not much of one for a romance but this was magical. You did a really good job here
Thank you for entering and good luck.
Lady Madeline.
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Beautiful
So well done. There is emotion here, but what is done so nicely is the description of each movement, moment, feeling. A nice departure from your normal genre.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Aww
Lmaoo.. Twas sweet
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sooo cool
brought memories back I liked it -
Very well done
This was short, but it was definately good. It left me wanting more of a backstory, as I felt like I didn't really know the main character too well. It was great.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Andrew
I think that this is a really good and descriptive piece even though it's not your "field." Good Job!beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Very sweet, and like a peek into a couple's intimate moment. I've always liked poetry about the speaker looking onto a loved one as they sleep (can't remember the exact term for those kind), so i enjoyed this short story from that point of view.
I liked that it was more about the intimate moment, and not so much the acutal intimacy itself. Sometimes that speaks in volumes alone.
Good job, for it not being your "field."
*Rianna
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