All These Things I Hate

“Hey Natalie!” I said with happiness. It was good to see her again. We were right outside school on the school’s property. I haven’t seen her all day because we’re in different classes (I’m her friend Melissa and I’m a fifteen year old girl). We are in our freshman year of high school. The classes have gotten a little harder and I have to change for every single class. It sucks but I deal with it. The best part about school for me is talking to my friends. They are always there for each other and that’s what Natalie’s been doing for me. 1

“So, do you want to hang out now?” She asked me. 2

I looked around and saw that my boyfriend Chris’ car just pulled up the curb. He rolled down the windows and stared at me. I lipped him, “I’ll be there in one sec”. I could tell he was impatient. He had also just got out of school and he’s anxious to get home where I’ll be going with him. Chris is sixteen years old and he can basically drive. His parents are barely home because they always work but they’re home to spend time with their son. Chris doesn’t mind. He likes being alone except for being with me. 3

“Gee, Nat, I can’t. My boyfriend is over there and he’s waiting for me. I’m going back to his house.” I said, disappointed. I really did want to hang out with my friend, but I can’t. I’m not allowed to. I have to go back to Chris’ and I have to be with him. There’s also lots of stuff I have to do for him. I mean, Chris constantly calls me on my cell phone, and when I’m home, he calls me on my family’s home phone. And I must immediately call him back and when he asks me, where I’m am, what I’m doing, who I’m with, what time I’ll be back from the store or whatever, and how many other boys I’ve spoken to that day. It’s getting pretty ridiculous that he does that every single minute of the day. 4

It doesn’t stop there. I’m not even allowed to speak or talk casually to another boy because then, he gets upset. He always tells me that he has loved me earlier in our relationship (we’ve been dating for five months now) and I think it’s his “hook” to make me feel guilty for apparently no reason for talking to another boy or just plainly looking at a boy for one or two seconds. He’s probably just jealous and I know he is. 5

Chris even gives me “advice” about my choice in friends. He decides who my friends are and who aren’t. He tells me what kind of hairstyle I can wear (either a ponytail or I can keep my hair down) and he tells me what kind of clothes I can wear and makeup I can put on. Chris forbids me to wear tight pants and forbids me to wear shirts that show cleavage because he doesn’t want any other boys to flirt with me and he wants me all to himself. The worst thing about it is-I follow (obey) his every word. I do whatever he says. He sometimes praises me for it by kissing me or allowing me to sleep in bed with him when his parents aren’t around. I’d do anything for him and I’m fearful for what he could do to me if I don’t change my appearance 6

There’s also another issue with Chris. I can’t believe I do it but I stick up for him. I defend his words and actions. If he calls me a name or pushes me, shoves me, or slaps me, and someone sees it, I lie to them and defend my boyfriend. He convinces me that I’m too sensitive when he calls me names or whatever. I believe him and sometimes, he says he’s only kidding. He’s not kidding. 7

“Can I go meet him?” Natalie asks me. I nod my head. Of course, she can come meet my boyfriend. What’s the harm in that? 8

We walked over to Chris’ car and I opened up the door to the passenger side. My friend and I saw Chris. He had long blond hair, eyes hair, and he just looked very attractive. That’s why I’m still with him. I introduce Natalie to Chris and they say hello to each other and talk for a little. Afterwards, I get in the car and close the door. Chris rolls up the windows and he drives off. 9

“I thought I told you to not talk to any of your friends.” He said.10

“I know but…” I trailed off. 11

“But nothing. You disobeyed me. I love you so why would you disobey me?” he said. 12

“I’m sorry Chris.” I begged him. “At least it wasn’t a boy.” 13

“Just don’t do it again.” He ordered. I nodded my head to whatever he said. 14

Once we got to his house, he half-dragged me, half-walked me into the house. He slammed the door shut and then he pushed me to the ground. He began to strike me with punches. I tried to defend myself and try to ward him off, but he only grabbed me by wrists and squeezed tightly. Soon, my wrists were bruised. He hit me more and harder. Fresh bruises started to appear. Pain racked through my body. I hated it when he beat me. 15

When I cried, he kicked me right in the side until I heard a crack. I think he just broke one of my ribs or a few of them. I cried out in pain, the tears streaming down my face. I begged him to stop but he only got worse. 16

“Shut up or I’m going to give you something to cry about.” He snapped. He grabbed me by the hair and pulled it back so I looked at him in the face. Still holding my hair, he dragged me up the stairs and into his room. I kicked and screamed. I couldn’t get out of his hold. Suddenly, he released my hair and I fell to the ground but he picked me up by the arms. I let my body go limp, making it harder for Chris. 17

“So you’re going to be a brat again, huh? I should teach you a lesson.” He stated, laughing. My eyes widened with fear. Oh no, anything but that! Without effort, he pulled me onto his shoulder. Frantically, I panicked and I struggled, kicking him with my legs and pounding my fists into his back. None of it bothered him. 18

He threw me down on the bed; I rolled backwards, sliding off the other side. Quickly, I moved to the nearest corner. My legs felt weak and like they would give out any minute but I was up against the wall. Lustfully, he stared at me and it sent shivers down my spine. What was he up to now? 19

Chris came closer to me, he seemed calm and I couldn’t back up. When he went to kiss me, I flinched. I guess the thought of me fearing him kissing me angered him so he slapped me across the face. He called me a whore. It was nothing new. 20

“Melissa! Knock it off!” he yelled. He tried kissing me again and this time, I let him. I even kissed him back. How stupid was I to do that? Then, he kissed me more. I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to suck up to me and try to have sex with me. 21

It wasn’t going to happen. 22

"I know what you want." I said, pushing him away from me. That was probably the wrong thing to do considering he was trying to teach me a lesson. This couldn't be it because he wasn't doing much but kissing me. I loved it when he kissed me. I always thought it was romantic when he did it. 23

“If you know what I want, then let’s do it.” Chris stated, kissing me once more on the lips. I was starting to loosen up. He wasn’t going to hit me right now. What could go wrong right now?24

“I’ve never done it before.” I replied. I was telling the truth. I have never had sex before and I was still a virgin. Honestly, I’m not sure about this. Chris may be ready for this but not me. I asked him if he’s done this before and he said no. That’s when he started to butter me up so I would agree to have sex with him. Wasn’t be just beating me?25

“Weren’t you just beating me?” I stated. He then looked at me with those green eyes. He put his hand by my waist that was bruised and squeezed. I didn’t moan. It would have only set him off if I did. My legs continued to feel weak and they were beginning to shake. I needed to sit down and rest.26

“I’m sorry, honey.” He said, grabbing one of my bruised wrists. I whimpered. I could tell that he knew the pain I was in. He always apologies to me and I always forgive him. I’m so stupid for forgiving him and staying with him. I shouldn’t have to live like this-in an abusive relationship and no one knows about it. One of my older siblings and one of my friends saw Chris shove and hit me once and I had defended him. I love Chris with all my heart but I can’t live like this. And it’s only been five months…