Harvennaslair

Deep within the Maroon forest of Harvennaslair, rumor has it, there is an ancient people that dwell within the water. It is my intention to find these people and prove them as creatures of the unknown.

My name is Feerquestartry of the Courennastinla people. My people are a dying race plagued with disease. About 2000 years ago my people fled to the Gamma Quadrant seeking help from the homosaepiens of Earth. The result was a mass plague that engulfed the entire planet leaving, what is now referred to by the remainder of my people, Mocre Asparte; Dead planet.

Rumor has it that the people of the Maroon Forest can save my people. However, the journey is a harsh one, if the Forest doesn't kill me; the Havan^te will. The Havan^te are the people of the Maroon are a dreadful people. They are extremely territorial and blend in with the Maroon trees of the Maroon Forest.

Well into the forest I shall venture, in my hunting costume.

Two varres (days) later...

If the rumors are true then the water is two more varres away. Hunger has grabbed me hard by the shirt and is not letting me go. To quiet my stomach I'm hunting a cutrufin (deer like creature). I hit the creature with a blunt forced object, that I had thrown, when something pierced my neck. I came tumbling to the ground unconscious.

Four hafirrs (hours) later...

I woke up tied to a stick over a fire roasting. It was a good thing that my people were able to transform into a ghost like form or I would have been dinner for the Havan^te tribe. My people were often referred to as the people of the spirit by the Havan^te people because of our special quality.

I had to remain in my spirit form for the rest of the journey because the Havan^te have the power to control the forest and everything within it; I just pray the Havan^te can't control the water.

I spent the rest of my journey running through trees of a savage nature. If I was solid the trees would have ate me, that is if the animals didn't get me first.

One varre and six hafirrs later...

I don't see any water and the plains on the backside of the forest are visible. After much debate I decided to venture through the plains, in spite of the fact that grass is too thin for me to walk through and will kill me if I try. I must walk trough the plains as a solid person; a vulnerable person.

I walked for hafirrs through the tall maroon grass of the plains, careful not to trip on the bones and skulls, of the others, of my people that ventured on this journey to find a people that might not even exist.

At last I found the edge of the water only to find that it was empty, there were no people living in it, at the back of the waterfall I found this liquid metallic metal; mercury, mercury was the reason my people were dying the river must be filled with it.

The river supplied the water to all of my people. My people must migrate up to the top of the water fall where the water was free of mercury if they wished to live; if they wanted our species to survive.

Author notes

well option 2

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • WhySoSirius
    December 24, 2008

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    Great! I liked how you described the world while still adding in a clever plot twist. I also found the protagonist's ability to become spirit-like interesting! Thank you for entering, and best of luck to you!


  • Shah Z
    April 18, 2008

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    I like the plot and admire your creativity but I don't like your blunt style. It a personal option and I don't approve it. I think it too blunt. But this is indeed good. My Advice will be adding something at least another 2 chapter before this. Yours Shah.


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    February 7, 2008

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    Instead of putting the name of the creature it's most like in () try describing the creature and letting the reader decide what to associate it with.
    Great start.
    Brooke


  • Rosemary silver member
    July 16, 2007
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    Interesting story

    I never saw the picture as an out of this world scene until I read your story.


  • TheMoodchangingPoet
    May 28, 2007

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    Ow I see... there were no Maroon people... What a clever ending.


    Hmmm... I don't see how you created a new 'animal' it was more like a new human species... But it does it. Original and clever.

    There was one paragraph that confused me quite a bit. When you mentioned that four hafirrs later you woke up and found yourself tied to a stick above fire... Then later on in your story you come back to your flesh and walk... Maybe there is something I got wrong. Please explain.

    I love the way you changed the hours and days. Nice touch.

    Good job.


  • StephLippitt
    May 6, 2007

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    Hmmm...It's an interesting start. More of a journal than a short story. But it's good so far.
    Thanks for entering.
    hugs,
    Steph


  • Hales13
    April 21, 2007

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    this is a really interesting story. there were a few parts that were kind of awkward with your phrasing, like in paragraph three:

    "The Havan^te are the people of the Maroon are a dreadful people." perhaps could be changed to read:

    "The Havan^te, the people of the Maroon, are a dreadful people."

    All in all this was a great story. It pulled me in and got my attention right away, I'm really curious now whether the people luve or die. Thanks for the entry, and good luck.

1 - 7 of 7