Mom why do we have to go to the haunted house I hate throws things"Said amber standing In line to go to the old house that once was the ally second home."Scared out of her mind she was.
Because dear your father and I been waiting all year to come here and you can not stand out here by your self."Said lori ambers mom and father was real bif frecks when it came to stuff like this.
Come on amber it will be fun."Said thomas ambers dad jumping around like a baby because they was next in line to go threw.
She just rolled her eyes and said"what ever."
Her heart started beating really fast and took a deep long breath.I'm scared shit less she said to herself.
As they started walking threw it they heard screaming and laughing.Holy shit this is crazy she thought to herself.I just want go home mom.
No her mom said in a werid vioce come on it will over soon.
We got to the jason room and it looked like we just hoped right in to the woods.I'm so scared I stared crying and fell to the floor.
Get up"thomas said to her in a vioce she never herd before.
But.. but.. I'm scared I want to leave" she said with a full of fear in her vioce..
Where is jason is all is all she said"
Look behind the door dear"lori said in a vioce that was rather evil
amber looked behind the door and there he was..
It scared the hell out of her.. oh shit she screamed.
And ran out of that room like crazy.Wait come back don't run off "Yelled thomas.
As they ran out of the room to find her they started walking down the hall way.And did not see her.
Amber"yelled lori as she went to look back at thomas he was gone.
Great first my kid now my husband damn it."She yelled shaking her hands and getting really pissed off.
She yelled and yelled for both of them but all she heard was screaming and laughing from others that came to the haunted house.Okay guys you got me come out now"She said in a hateful angry vioce starting to worry.
Hello any one here me"She said.
So she started walking down the stairs to go find a guide to help her look for her family.
She heard....Mom help me.. please.
Amber where are you hunny I'm on my way dear.
She opened up a door and when she walked in a room she saw nothing but kept hearing the same thing over and over.
Mom help"..
She opened up a closet and seen her child hanging by a rope.
She screamed so loud that all the other screaming and laughing stoped like everything was dead.
Baby what happend Oh my god." She said with tear dropes running down her face.
My poor baby" she cryed more.
She put her lifelessbody on a cold very cold hard wooding floor and looked at her and said."Baby I will be right back.
As she went outside still with her eyes filled with tears.She found a guide and said to him.
Sir please sir I just found my baby dead hanging by a rope dead and i still can't find my husband pleae help me"She said looking all confused because the guide was laughing at her saying.
Miss you came in here with no one at all you came by your self miss.
What no I did not my family came to.She said " being confused now.
Come with me I will show you her body please help is all I ask okay." she said being shakey and sick all at the same time.
Okay miss lets go but like I said I seen no one with you.
As they walked up the steps she was crying and screaming "I want my baby back"
They got to the room and went to the closet see I told you look at my baby." she said not having the first look pointing towhere she should have been.
But.. but .. miss there is nothing there look.
Oh my god where the hell did she go? asked lori what is going on?
I told you miss nothing..
As she started running up and down the halls screaming like she was crazy looking in everyroom for her child and husband.
They had to call the cops they came and got her they closed down the hospital haunted house that was the one lori andreson was in before they colsed it down too years earlier She went back looking for her husband and child..
The hostail she was in mount sawvile did not have good secrity and she got lose she was always thinking her child and husband was still alive but was not...
She killed them both but always imagined them..
She killed Amber andreson with a brick to the back of the head and tryed glueing it back on.....
She killed Thomas Andreson with a brick to the face over and over when he was sleeping and threw his body in a dump truck for the local trash company that she worked for.....
They found out about it and proved her crazy....
Author notes
option3...
A contest entry
- Horror Contest by david18232.
200 points, ended May 28, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give it to me! by tabbykat92.
205 points, ended May 1, 2007, 33 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Pay It Forward - Prewrites allowed by Sith Lord Alvarez.
900 points, ended May 21, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Im Not Scared. by asthray.heart.
1000 points, ended May 17, 2007, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options galore... pls enter!!! by mydarlinghamburger.
175 points, ended May 29, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Yet Another Supernatural Fling Before The Summer Holidays!!! by Dreams of Insanity.
135 points, ended June 3, 2007, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Absolutely Anything! by Kitzwa.
350 points, ended June 22, 2007, 52 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Very interesting story, but all of the spelling and grammar mistakes really took away from it. One ofthe biggest things you need to remember is how to use quotation marks. You only use one most of the time when there should be two, one at the beginning of a character speaking and one at the end. Also if you're going to add "she said" or anything like that after a character speaks the order should go quotation mark, your quote, comma, quotation mark, "she said". So your very first paragraph should look like this:
"Mom why do we have to go to the haunted house? I hate those things," said Amber standing in line to go to the old house that was once the second home in the alley. She was scared out of her mind.
Keep working on it. This story would be very good after some revision. -
There were quite a lot of spelling errors. Sadly it took away from the story a bit.
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Was good, but there was alot of spelling mistakes, which detracted from the story and stopped it from having the effect it appeared it was meant to...
i probably would have enjoyed it more if it was correct.
If you want to edit it and have me read it again, i'm willing to do so, jst IM me when you do.
Good Luck
Thnx for entering
Frm MDH -
interesting but very confusing. i really think that when you patch this up and add more detail, that it would be really good.
msg me if you want me to be more detailed -
This was good, lots of spelling and grammar problems here that made it hard to read, you need to make whose speaking more clear.
Otherwise good job and good luck.
Lady Madeline.
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This was.....interesting. There were a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes, but it was an interesting story at that. Good luck in the contest.
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That was freakin scary. I am scared to much now,
*moans* Thanks eva -
lol She was running around like a CRAZY WOMAN!! Haha I can see that...x.x!!!
This story didnt suck!! I like it...wonderful twist too!
Hehe
Write more stories, damnit!
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This story was OK
I noticed alot of spelling errors along with grammar errors. Besides those errors it was an ok story. I liked that you made it look like they disappeared when they went into a haunted house and then said that they were murdered by the mom. There was not enough blood and it did not seem that scary. Good job though. -
wowwww
wow now that was crazy stuff your freaking crazyyyyy ol yes u are man i have goosebumps now thanks alot eva
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