We sat on my faded floral print couch savoring the buttery smell and taste of freshly popped popcorn, a fire crackled and danced in the hearth by my side of the couch. It was Friday the 13th, a very special night in my eyes. In front of us the old black and white version of ‘Psycho’ played on the television.1
“Oh, oh, oh this is my favorite part,” Anthony exclaimed as he extended a hand towards the screen. It flapped around like a one winged bird trying to fly. “This is the part where they find the mother.” He was practically bouncing on the lumpy cushions. His velvet black hair bouncing along with him and a boyish smile spread across his unshaven face. Bright charcoal eyes twinkled as he watched closely.2
I was almost sad that it had to end tonight. Bored, I replied, “I know. I’ve seen it before.” He ignored my jibe.3
I sighed heavily and then blew my purple bangs out of my eyes. I had just dyed my red hair violent purple this morning and I was still pleased with the results. I took a strand and twirled it around my finger.4
I switched my position and drew my legs underneath me. I was supposed to be pretending to be happily in love instead of plotting to murder this man. I almost laughed out loud, but stifled it under a cough. He never even noticed.5
As the movie continued, Anthony kept stuffing popcorn in his mouth, eyes glued to the flickering images, not noticing anything around him.6
I kept staring at him. I could see the knife I plunged into his heart. Watching his muscular body jerk as the knife twisted deeper. I watched as the crimson blood leaked out around the polished steel blade. I could smell the copper aroma of hot blood as it oozed out, straining his white t-shirt.7
I shook my head to clear my thoughts as the female main character screamed before me on the screen.8
“Antonia, is there something wrong?” asked Anthony. I could see the worry crinkling the corners of his obsidian eyes.9
I reached out and squeezed his hard forearm. “Oh Anthony, I’m ok, just getting a little tired. You won’t mind if I don’t pay much attention to the movie, will you?”10
I instantly regretted my word as the corners of his mouth turned down and his liquid eyes turned cold and hard.11
“Of course I mind, you bitch!” he screamed through gritted teeth.12
His abrupt change in manner threw me and I sat back quickly. My eyes widened as the vein in Anthony’s temple pulsed.13
A swift movement and I glanced at his arm. At the end of his muscular arm his hand held a large polished butcher knife. The wooden handle peeked through his calloused fingers.14
“Now Anthony, calm down. I-I was just tired but I-I’m fine now.” I paused and very warily turned back to the TV. “Look, I’m awake now. I can finish watching the movie.”15
My hands were shaking and I was holding my breath as I hoped he would put the knife down. He watched me as I stared at the screen. I didn’t even know what was going on in the movie. All thought was centered on the mad man sitting next to me and the sharp blade he held. All I wanted was to get away from him but he sat between me and the front door.16
My breathing was rapid when I resumed taking in air, and my heart was running its own little marathon in my chest. Beads of sweat popped out at my hairline and upper lip as I waited to see what Anthony was going to do.17
It felt like hours before he turned back to the movie. It was nearing the end and I was suddenly very frightened. What would happen when the movie was over? I had to act fast.18
The knife I had hidden beneath me was easy to get to if I moved closer to him. His butcher knife was lying across his knees as he was stuffing popcorn into his mouth again. It might be quicker. 19
I decided to take the chance and reached across towards the popcorn and the knife. His warm, calloused hand closed over my wrist, gripping it tightly.20
“I-I was just getting some popcorn.” He never took his eyes off the screen. Anthony let go and I took some popcorn. The kernels felt greasy from the butter and it was hard to hold on to them, as I put some into my mouth. I massaged my wrist where he had cut off the blood supply.21
Anthony continued to watch the screen like there was nothing wrong. His knife was still out. That left the one I had hidden.22
I switched my legs to the other side, slowly drawing my knees under me, until I was sitting on them. I eased my hand between the cushion and the arm.23
“Hey, what are you doing?” He grabbed my arm and drew out the knife.24
I lunged my whole body forward hoping surprise would give me enough force to get past his strength. I nicked his upper arm drawing a line of blood on his bicep.25
“You bitch!” he screamed as he pushed me onto the floor and off of him. I scrambled back towards the fire. The hot stones told me I was close.26
Anthony stood up to follow after me and the knife clattered to the floor. Mine was still clutched in my sweaty hand. He bent down to pick it up and I kicked at him. I missed wide and he grabbed the knife.27
More sweat ran down my face as I watched him stalk towards me. His face was cold and hard, with a vein pulsing in his left temple. He stood over me, flexing his hand and all I could do was stare up at him, eyes wide with fear and rooted to the hot stones surrounding the hearth. The smell of popcorn and copper mingled along with burning wood.28
One thought after the other ran around my head and I gripped the knife tighter. Some how this night had gone terribly wrong and I needed to get out of this house.29
Suddenly his boot kicked out and I felt it connect with my hand. I cried out in pain and surprise. I tried scrambling back further but the fire was already inches from my flesh. I smelled singed hair. I flung my hand out to grab the wall to pull myself up, but only managed to knock over the fireplace tools.30
My hand fumbled around the cast iron tools, as Anthony raised the butcher knife. The credits for the movie were reflected on the blade, white lines against black.31
He swung down and I swung the poker up towards his head. I felt the sting of the knife bite into my chest as I connected solidly with Anthony’s head. Hot blood gushed from my wound, as blood ran down his head soaking his shirt.32
The edges of my vision blurred as the pain exploded in my chest and turned gray as the screen went blank. The crackling of the fire and the loud hissing of the television were my last sounds.33
This night wasn’t going the way I had planned.34
Author notes
My third attempt at something like this. I just hope it gets easier the more I write. Any grammar or spelling errors are welcomed to be pointed out.
A contest entry
- In tribute... by RedTalon.
280 points, ended April 19, 2007, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give it to me! by tabbykat92.
205 points, ended May 1, 2007, 33 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. by asthray.heart.
530 points, ended February 26, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - October: A Celebration of The Season by Oblivion Kitty God.
365 points, ended October 10, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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This story is a little hard to follow, but I think with a little polishing it could have some great potential. Oblivion Kitty God is right - the action seems to blur into itself. You might consider separating the story into separate POV's.
(POV = Point of View; it's a film term, sorry.)
I would be inclined to start the story in first person from the main female's perspective, then switch to first person from the male's perspective. That gives the reader an inside look into what both characters are plotting; you might consider writing the final conclusion as third person. Either way, you've got a great story here. It just needs a little TLC.
Keep up the great writing!
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This is a very well written story. It is hard to understand what's going on, though. The action seems to blur into itself. Still, the story is nice. Good work on this. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
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Seriously? Aww that's too bad. Made prefect sense to me, but I did write it
put it off as bad writing this time around Maybe some day I'll go back over it.
Thanks for reading.
Brooke
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Wow! that was a wild ride. I'm still not sure what I think about the characters. So I will say that it was strange and creepy, oddly horrifying. You created the scene very well, I know that I'm not interested in popcorn any longer.
Good Job!!
Th.
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Thank you
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My muse.
Brooke. Contrary to some of the opinions you have gotten on this story-------DON'T CHANGE A THING!!!! From someone who has written ALOT of horror/suspense this was, to me, brilliant. I don't really know if it was accidental, or if it was your intent. But this was an emotional, power packed rollercoaster that was one heck of a ride. I loved this .... let me say it again...loved this..by far, the best thing I have read on SW. Here is why.... In the beginning, I feel bad for the guy.. then you smack me with him deserving to be killed. The metaphor of the classic "psycho" movie being played in the background. The unbelievably descriptive passages..... and certainly, the fact that you came to a classically wes craven like ending. I loved every part of this. You made me not concern myself with grammar or spelling or anything. (not to say there were errors, as I wouldn't have noticed if there were)...Finally a last comment. If this is only one of your first few dives into the horror/suspense genre, then by all means, please dive some more...wow... By the way, did I say wow? You are now my muse..lol... no kidding.. can't wait to read more of your stuff. By the way, thanks for letting me into your group. It will be alot of fun.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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My ego is sooo boosted.
Now how come alot of ppl have been asking me about the motive behind these killings and you don't seem to think it matters? Aww never mind 
Thank you so much for the much need and wanted ego boost. And coming from someone who writes horror makes it better. I wasn't going for blood and guts like the younger generation likes and writes just something with a little edge.
Thanks so much for reading and for commenting.
~*Brooke*~
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Dont take this the wrong way but i wasnt scared. Great descriptions though. I loved this all the same
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Don't worry I won't take it the wrong way. And I am glad that you were honest. As I said in the authors notes I've only attempted this kind of thing twice before, so I can totally understand if it didn't.
Again thanks for being hones
~*Brooke*~
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Very Good
I liked the character Anthony and i liked the whole description too because it made me see it as well as read it. Good Job
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Hey thanks for taking the time to read this and for leaving a comment.
I have a hard time with guys, but this one came easy Glad you liked him.
Again thanks for reading and for commenting.
~*Brooke*~
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Eep O.O Terrifying.
Anyway, hehe. I thought that this changed directions too quickly. You gave very little indication that Anthony was at all a bad guy. It seemed like, in the beginning, there was no reason at all for her plotting to take him out (although, taking a guy out might just be fun for general revenge against the male species...*cough*).
The writing itself was nearly flawless (nothing's perfect), though. I did enjoy this, even if the topic was a bit gruesome and made me hate men even more I'm a sexist bitch, what can I say?
Good job
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You know I really need to rewrite this. I haven't picked it up since I first wrote it and a couple of ppl have said the same thing as you pointed out. Hmmmm....I think I will today.
I'm glad you enjoyed this. I ususally write tween/childrens stories but I've been trying to challenge myself. *Grin*
Thanks for commenting and for taking the time to read this.
~*Brooke*~
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Great write. Very intense and gripping. I like the imagery, from the movements down to the smells.
I also like the little ironies. That your watching psycho, that you mention your (her) intent first, yet he is the first one to expose a knife, that you both connect with a bloody blow at the end.
I found myself wondering what was her reason for wanting to kill him, or why was he psycho, which may well have been her reason.
Either way, good story, I enjoyed it.
~Greg~ -
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I thought maybe she was a career killer. Finds a guy and kills them. I think I seriously need to go back and rewrite some of this. Hmmm...
But I'm glad you liked it. It was for a contest that a friend was doing so it had to be done fast and I don't usually write this kind. Very challenging for me.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
~*Brooke*~
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This was good, I like the detail and flow of this it all seemed to come together nicely. It was a very visual story, it created good image.
Thank you for entering and goodluck.
Lady Madeline.
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Excellent
Ver well written one or two grammar errors but hey, whats a bit of grammar between friends. Your story was captivating and very visual, I liked it alot.
You could perhaps edit it and give a bit of background as to why she wants him dead and perhaps what made him a phsycho.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Looks like I need to do some editing and rewriting. Thanks for reading and for commenting.
~*Brooke*~
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Hmm, this was very interesting. Not much detail as to why the girl wanted to kill the guy, or why the guy was a plain out psycho, but you did well with what was written. Good luck in the contest.
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Looks like I need to do a rewrite. Thanks for commenting.
~*Brooke*~
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Good work
Well, well...there's a sick, demented side to you after all...
I really enjoyed reading this and how the both of them were planning to kill each other. The tone of it was very good...very crazy...and you came off with an exquisite piece of work.
I wonder what it's like to have one's vision "burred"?
Good luck in my contest. I'm glad you entered. -
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Hahaha "blurred" would be a better word. Thanks for pointing that out and I loved the way you did it.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
~*Brooke*~
I'm not really sick, I promise! 
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Pretty good!
So--how long have you had these urges? *laughs* Nothing says 'divorce' like a nice set of cutery. This was a good story, the only thing that crossed me up about it was it was kinda unclear why she wanted to kill him to begin with. But the story is a fun, fast read. Nice job! -
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I think every woman has these urges every once in awhile Now where they act on them or not is up for discussion.
I was trying for just plain nuts. Can't of like she did this for a living. You know find a guy get there trust and kill them. I don't know? *shrugs*
Thanks for reading and commenting and it was great to hear from you.
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wow, this was pretty good. I always love your stories is there anything you cant write...lol... anyway, this was great. i absolutely loved it, as usual hahaha.
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As usual you are very kind. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I'm glad you liked it
~*Brooke*~
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I'm new here. Your story is the first I have read. I seriously love it. I did come across something you can fix. But I was too into the story to care about spelling mistakes XD
" “You bitch!” He screamed as he pushed my unto the floor and off of him. "
I think you meant "Me".
Anyway, I love your story. -
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Well welcome to storywrite and I'm glad you chose my story to read first. And I'm very glad that you liked it. I'm not really good at writing these types. I'm more of a tween writer, but hey a girls gotta challenge herself right? Again thanks for reading and I hope to see you around.
~*Brooke*~
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3rd time's a charm? :D
*claps*
I have a confession.. I never watched Psycho x.x I DO know the sound of the movie, but that's it..
BUT.. reading this.. i think I got to see two people who are psychos omg x.x
So I think I got a clear idea of what psycho the movie is
Brooke.. I honestly didn't know it was going to be about a murder (I tend to read things without looking at categories) and I just read and read, got weirded out by the guy's obssession... and got intrigued.. and THEN he snapped.. and I'm all scared but I read and.. OMG... *ends rant* You've written it well... so well that I could picture his madness, picture her fear, envision his obsession, feel her nervousness... 
I love how you came full circle here - you began with the tv, the fireplace, and ended with them too *claps*
I.. shall not date a man who LOVES Psycho
Haha!
Thanks for sharing this
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You think so? I'm the same way. I read stories without looking at the categories either. Thanks for all the praise. Your words, as always, are a boost for my ego.
I haven't watched Psycho in forever and the newest version stunk.
But I 
Vince Van. Oh well.
Glad you enjoyed it. Now let's hope George does
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You deserve the praises!^_____^
Vince Van is in Psycho? x.x doesn't he do only comedy? x.x haha! and wah... I am sure George would like this might love it even
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Vince Van played Norman Bates in the newest version of 'Psycho'. He didn't really do a very good job.
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