Walking briskly, she allowed her evening gown to be dragged along the muddy street. Her two-inched heel clicked sharply on the cracked concrete dimly shadowed by a broken streetlamp. The rain drizzled, and her once dried hair now clung tight to her cheeks. The cold wind flapped her dress against her bare ankles and goose bumps poked out from her naked arms. It was midnight, the few cars rushing past her paid no attention, and the occasional catcalls thrown her way were ignored. 1
She heard her name called again, but this time she broke out into a run. Unfortunately, her disheveled state prevented her from reaching any unknown destination, and soon she heard his footstep behind her. She slowed to a stop, knowing it was futile, but she didn’t turn around. She heard his rapid panting as he tried to regain his breath. From the corners of her eyes, she watched as he stretched out his arms toward her, only to pause and return back to his side. 2
“Rachel?” His hesitation was evident from the slight tremble in his voice. Kevin took another step toward her. Thunder rumbled a few miles away. 3
She willed herself not to turn around. Straightening her back she was about to leave when his arms suddenly wrapped around her. Her eyes widened with shock—he was too close! 4
“Let go.” Even to her, her voice sounded cold. Unconsciously, she breathed in the faint scent of his cologne. It was evergreen. 5
“Rachel, please.” He held her tighter. Raindrops dripped from his wet hair down the nape of her neck. “I’m sorry.” 6
Author notes
Romance
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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You threw me into a different genre with the opening
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I was frightened for your character, expected she would be attacked by someone or something.
So I was disappointed but it did keep me reading. -
Just what i was looking for.....
This was wonderfully written and full of description. I found that just by this short peice...i wanted more...and that was what i was looking for. I loved it.! BRAVO! very very very well done!!
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good story line but
The contest is on internal strength. Your heroine clearly has some turmoil going on but this section did not demonstrate the strength. Are there other segments? -
Wow very well written, short, but still enough to get a story out of. I assume there are stories before and/or after this story. The only suggestion I have would be to find a title. I thought it was going to be a screenplay based on the title.
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well, since i already read and commented on this, there's not a whole lot more to say. thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
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wow. this definitely left me breathless and wanting to know what he did that he was aplogizing for... thanks for entering my contest and good luck!
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Oh la la! This really left me wanting more! I want to know what happens next and what happened to make this happen. Great work!
Thanks for entering
Kelsey
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