Her hair flowed like silk through the midnight breeze,
Faint sounds of whispers followed above the trees.
Her skin as pale and delicate as porcelin,
Though her dark, watery eyes showed the sadness within.
Her smile showed a hardship that was in her past,
But it also showed the insecurity she cast.
She was fragile, skinny and weak,
But no one would dare call her bleak.
Too skinny for her height and age,
Seventeen years old and severly underweight.
Her family had all left her for pride,
For in sorrow and in darkness did she hide.
On the day she finally felt happy something in nature's order did not abide,
For that day, her most happiest day, was the day she died.
A contest entry
- Poems! Love poems to be exact! by TeardropOnMyGuitar.
350 points, ended April 23, 2007, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - poetry contest, the best poems you ever written by bedovich.
350 points, ended April 29, 2007, 24 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This was very sad, I read this is about a girl you knew in therapy? A pity she had to die when she felt happy, from a disease that haunts most teenage girls.
You were right, you do put emotion into your peices and use a lot of good imagery and rhyimng words all the way through to the end, where bam it ends with an emotional blow.
Amazingly done, what a stunningly beautiful read.
Lady Madeline.
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Hey, if you were going for pathos you definately got it! good work!
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I agree with a comment below that it was hard to tell that it was bulimia but nevertheless, nicely done. Nice imagery. Dark, sad, and haunting. Nice job!
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well done
great so saddddddddd:S i love the rhyme as imagery alots
goodlucks
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I loved it keep writing my only critiscm is use more things to show that it's bulimia
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Sad...
The title made me click on it...and I'm glad I did.
The poem was based off of a girl you knew? Sad...
Lovely poem though...sad...but very good.
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No, the poem was about a girl I knew in therapy.
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hmmm
So was the main character the actual personification of Bulimia? Or did she merely suffer from it?
Interesting poem.
Note of criticism:
"For in sorrow and in darkness did she hide." - This line was a bit clunky. Is there a way you could rework it so that it still rhymes, but sounds more like a regular sentence?
Good job.
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