Releasing a gentle melody with a touch of ancient Arabian swing, the miniature wooden box slowly opened. A woodcarving of a cobra slowly wound its way out, all the while swaying in tune to the music. The tiny knob behind the music box trickled to a stop and the cobra stood still. Poised out of its nest, the cobra laid motionless inside the oval shaped, plainly decorated box.
A shaft of light flickered through a blinded window, reflecting a dusty room with a moth eaten bed and an oak carved chest with a music box on top. A sudden flapping of crows outside the window was heard. The cawing of the black omen of death seemed to resonate throughout the empty room with its thin walls and wispy cobwebs. Suddenly a car drove up the building and a car door slammed shut. An excited boy exclaimed over the largeness of the manor, and the parents laughed happily.
The manor was large and old, with untrimmed vines creeping up the crevices of the structure as proof of its age. A Victorian-sized manor with fading paints and smoky windows, the building was structured above a hill overlooking a peaceful town. No one has entered the dwelling in years; no one has cleaned it since the last groundkeeper died ten years ago. No one has entered the small closet-like room, at the end of a hallway on the third floor behind locked doors and where a music box sat untouched by human hands, in a very long time.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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only onw grammar note, "winded" should be "wound". the only reason that i caught that is because the entry is short enough that i could remember it!
very well done! the creepy element was good and i wanted to read more!
thanks for entering my contest and good luck! -
It was detailed very well. I think you deserve three clappy hands for this and it's quite the rarity I give THREE of them out!
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This was very good. I got to the end and was sad that there was no more to it. You've made me curious now. I want to know more about this music box.
Thanks for your entry, and good luck!
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This was good, might ask if there is more of this to come? If so please tell me where and when I would enjoy reading more.
These three small paragraphs can pull you. The description and depths of the words are good.
I hope you go well in this contest, wishin you well my dear and good luck.
Lady Madeline.
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