In-law hatred

Everyone hates their in-laws; It's just human nature. Who doesn't hate the one thing that always seems to stand between you and the thing you love most? Nobody, that's who.
But I fear I am in the middle of the most disaterous case of spouse-inlaw relations that has ever been witnessed by the Gods.
Ah, but where are my manners?. Allow me to introduce myself: My name is Persephone, daughter of the almighty Zeus, God of the Sky, and the lovely Demeter, goddess of corn and the harvest. I am married to Hades, God of the underworld, and have been faithful for close to five thousand years. Unfortunatly, my husband and mother...well, they aren't Scooby-doo and Shaggy, that's for sure, but we'll get to that in a minute. First, let me tell you how this all came to be...

When I was just a young girl, Hades started to develop a thing for me. Well, who could blame him? I AM known for being the most beautiful girl in all the many worlds.In fact, I make Angelina Jolie look like a bean spider. Most guys have a crush on me.
But Hades was different; A bad boy. Instead of being like the other Gods who wanted me, the ones who sent me flowers and wrote me love sonnets, he just came up to me one day as I was picking flowers and said "Hey babe, you're comin' with me."
It was sudden, brisk, and kinky.
I've got to admit, that scene still gets me off at night.

So, he and I held a secret 'courtship' for some time, until I turned twenty five, when I decided it was time to settle down.
"Hades, darling, I think it's time for us to settle down." I said over morning coffee.
"Sweetie, you know your parents are never going to go for that."

Well, he was half right.
My father was all for it. "It's high time you moved out of the basement and into home of some guy who will pay for all your extreme phone bills."
"Thanks daddy!" I squeeled and gave him a big hug.
But my mother...well, she had a different reaction. Actually, I think I still see a faint mark from where she slapped me.
"But why don't you like him mother!?" I asked, scared of more physical abuse.
My mother just stared at me. "Oh, deary, it's not that I don't LIKE Hades...it's just that I HATE HIM WITH ALL MY SOUL!"
"But...WHY?"
"Oh, my darling," She said with slight sympathy "Do you REALLY think this Hades fellow is the best choice for you? I mean, you have all these gourgeous, wealthy men, just falling at your feet! And instead you want this..this..THING who rules over EVIL DEAD PEOPLE! You'll have to LIVE in a place that smells like ROTTEN SOUL! Trust me, that's never coming out of your clothes."
Even though I knew she was right about that last part, I still stood my ground. "No mother, I love Hades, and he and I will be married within the month. I will become Queen of the Underworld. The wedding is at the Grand Plaza in the central forum. I hope you can come."

Needless to say, she came, even managed to keep from screaming "ME, ME!" when the priest asked "Does anyone have any objections to this union?"

But peace would only last so long. When we came back from our honeymoon, (North America...it was so beautiful when it was uninhabited) I started to move my things out of my father's and mother's houses and down to Hades place. Well, my mother did not cope well with empty nest syndrom. Actually, she became quite depressed.Her hair turned EXTREMELY gray. And with her depression came the death of the crops in the land, and a gray, cold atmosphere on earth...what mortals know today as winter.
Well, I didn't know about any of this until six months after my move, when I came up from the underworld for a visit. When I found the plant life dead, I knew my mother hadn't taken kindly to my departure.
So I marched straight to her house. When she saw me, suitcase in hand, so was so excited that her depression faded and instantly all the crops began to sprout out of the ground.
"My baby!" she said, with a python hug. "You've finally divorced the awful man who tried to take you away from me!"
"Actually mom, I'm just here for a visit."
Her facial expression started to turn back to her depressed look.
"But..But, I AM looking for a place up here...so I can be, uh, cloer to you. The truth is, I miss the sunlight. It's pretty dreary in the underworld."
"Oh, so how long will you be staying?" she asked suspiciously
"Um...however long it takes for you to cheer up."

Six months later, I decided it was time to go back home.
"But you can't! I'm not fully better yet!"
"Mom, I miss Hades! And I cannot STAND anymore of your inccessive nagging!"
My mother's lips began to quiver and she began to tear up.
"Alright, alright, I'll be back soon. I promise."

So every year, I spend six months with my mother on earth. In that time, the plants grow and the earth is warm. The other six months I spend with my love in the Underworld. It has been this way for thousands of years.
But Hades is starting to get annoyed.
"With more and more people being evil these days, I have much less time to spend with you, Perse." He told me one day durring lunch. "It's time your mother learned to deal with her seperation issues. I miss you."
"But it's not just about us anymore." I said, as I scanned through the menu at the Underworld Outback. "The mortals are so used to their Spring/Winter schedule, that if we change it now, their race would be practically wiped out."
"Stupid mortals always ruin everything" Hades whispered under his breath. "This whole season thing has put a serious dent in our relationship. If you truly loved me, like you say you do, you'd talk to your mother."
" *Sigh* You're right. I'll go up first thing in the morning."

So I went up to see her at a hotel in New York, where she had taken up residence after she and my father had a 'falling out'
"Persephone, Darling! What a pleasent surprise!" she exclaimed. She looked happy, and I realized it was alot sunnier out than usual.
"Hello mother. Listen, we have to talk."
"Yes, I do believe we do." my mother said, more nonchalantly than was normal.
"Yes...well, you go first mom."
My mother smile slyly. "Darling, I think its time I gave you the space you deserve. I know I've been 'obessive' and 'controling' but I think its time to start fresh. That's why I am movig to Hawaii with this unbelievably hunky cabana boy I met while we were on vacation in Fiji. You remeber Rico right? The gourgeous boy who kept starring at me? Well, remember that night I said I was sick, and to go to the casino without me? Actually, I wasn't sick at all...unless you call having some fun with a guy thousands of years younger than you 'sick'. But anyway Darling, I now realize what you mean when you say to me 'Mom, I need more time to be with my soulmate' becuase I've found mine!"
I was completely shocked. "But...won't that mean you won't be depressed anymore? What about the mortal winter!?"
"Yes, I've thought about that, and the solution is simple! The mortals have been so used to the winter season for so long that it is practically second nature to them. Alot of them automatically become depressed once december hits. Plus, I've made a deal with the doctors of the prozac company to perscribe more pills. Contrary to popular belief, prozac actually makes people more depressed. So the problem will take care of itself!"
She smiled widely at me.
"Well, it really was lovely to see you again dear, but I've got to get ready to go. Rico's taking me out to lunch at 'Cafe Fresca.' What fun! Ciao!"

I couldn't belive what I had just heard. My mother...was letting me leave her sight...possibly forever. No more nagging, no more begging for more visitations. I was free! Yet...somehow I felt empty. I'd never been without my mother before. It was weird. In fact, I think I'm kind of going to miss her. Alot, actually.
As I walked out of the building, I caught sight of my hair in the hall mirror. I saw a few gray streaks in the back. I glanced away, and then looked back again. Now, my whole head was gray.

Damn it.