After the long discussion she and her sister had a few minutes earlier, she walked to her room to practice her clarinet. As she attempted to play it, she noticed that one of the mouthpieces were broken, so she made the very decision to put it away before it got any worse.
She looked around her room and slowly studied all of the main objects. I am a spoiled brat, she thought. Then, she remembered how her mom told her not to think that way, so she stopped.
As she looked down from the top bunk of her bunk bed, she looked at her kitty that was sitting on the floor. As his black face slowly lookeed in her direction, she ducked veryy quickly back onto her bed and kept writing.
She looked at her things in which she had piled on her bookshelves, seeing a few things she had gotten for Chritmas, or Yule, and changed the topic by feeling guilty that she didn’t tell her fanmily she was going to become Wiccan, but calmed herself back down by remembering trhat it was none of their personal business.
She looked at her reflection in the window of her room and saw sad eyes. Why are they so sad? She would ask herself, wondering if she would ever get an answer. She didn’t like what she saw in the window, although it was her own reflection, and she wondered why.
As she glanced outside, she saw the poor plants and the poor trees rustling in the wind, and the rain pat-pat-patted on them and the window. Her mind was so foggy that she wasn’t thinking about what she was seeing, and could barely hear her loud sister in the background.
She slowly but surely started getting a backache, and then she stretched. Thinking about that made her worry about the X-ray results she would be getting the following Wednesday with her mom. As she stood up to do some more kinds of stretches, she dropped her hands and drooped her head. She also threatened to crack her back, but then remembered what the doctor had said about that.
She looked down at her long pants and got the sudden, random, urge to hurt herself again, but also remembered the discouragements her sister had said to her. She still had that urge, but the good part of her heart rerstrained her arms from going near her legs. She managed to hit herself twice, but ‘that was it for tonight,’ she told herself, hoping that she wouldn’t break the promise this time.
She looked down from her bunk bed at her plants in which she was obsessed with very much because she had grown them from seed. She looked at the baby Cypress Vine, also known as The Red Climber; that she had also grown from seed, and was a baby but was also getting bigger.
She felt like sleeping, for it was 9:30 PM; although it wasn’t an shcoolnight. The next day would be Monday, but it was also Spring Vacation, which gives the kids seven days off from school. She felt like curling into a small ball and going to sleep, but was too weak to lie down and pull the covers over herself—although; she wasn’t too weak to keep writing, so she kept on.
Her thoughts were running wild. First, she was thinking about the people who anoy her so, “Matt” and “Collin”, and the poor, guilty Kaitlin who witnessed them calling her gay. Hey, it’s true—but she obviously didn’t tell Kaitlin that.
She cracked a smile when she thought about her boyfriend, Derek, who in which, was sleeping upstairs in her mother’s bed. Apparently, he was tired from all the work he had done that day at his parent’s house.
She placed her hand over her heart and felt the wild pumping and thrashing inside her body. She felt the odd guilt of having a beating heart, which was a very unusually wierd thing for a ten-year-old girl to be thinking about. Hmm... she thought.
She looked down at her feet and, again, got the unusual intention to hurt herself. She felt like hurting herself for thinking about that, but that exact thought was the one she was trying to avoid in the first place. She tried to think of something else to thionk about to let the thought of hurting herself slip her mind, but nothing helped. She had to think of something—and, fast.
After a while, she got desparate to see some other human than her disgusting self and strolled to the living room. She talked to her sister for a short while and started playing with him. “Jasper! Jasper! Jasper!” She said to get the dog wild and said it faster. She tried to make herself cheerful by playing with her dog, but when she noticed it wasn’t helping, and she finally decided to go and do some other activity.
Right then, she thought of something that would definitely help to cheer her up. Her dream!! She thought about the dream she had the night before and it immediately put a smile on her face. She was absoulutely astounded and happy about her dream.
She decided to let herself go, and to tell everyone everything that was going on. But, she was too afraid. So, she decided to tell everyone when she got older-- or, never.
NOTE: this story is not done yet, and I will be adding onto it soon.
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