1
A woman in her mid forties stood in front of me, big brown puppy dog eyes, which shone only a sad smile. "Hi can I help you?" Those were the first words that ever passed between us.2
"Hi I am Charlie, I start work here today."3
"Oh, right, I'm Natalia, if you'd like to take a seat I'll go get the matron."4
You were quiet, kept your head down and just got on with your work. A Good morning here and there, but without really talking you seemed to fit in. Even though you felt vulnerable at the time.5
Moths down the line I was standing talking to you in the corridor…6
"I'm choking for a smoke." You had said to me.7
"Well go get one then, no ones stopping you, you're entitled to your break."8
"I know but none of the others smoke, and they all sit together at break time, I wouldn't want to let them down."9
"Don't be silly Charlie, it’s your break do what you need, no one will say anything. I'll tell you what next time I go for one I'll give you a shout."10
“Okay then, see you then.”11
As time went on we became closer, you were always there when I needed you and me when you needed anything. We had different lives, I was only young, you had lived yours, had children of your own. Lived different experiences, some good, and some bad. You had a best friend where we worked, but sometimes you confided in me, told me things you didn’t tell her or anyone. I listened, and you appreciated it, listening is all I ever had to give. 12
After being there your son had taken ill, he had been in hospital a few weeks when we all got a phone call saying you had decided to turn his machines off. I knew what turmoil your mind would have been going through, because of our unspoken bond. 13
The day of his funeral I stood at the back with everyone else, I could see you at the front you didn’t take your eyes off the coffin, he was your baby, you gave him strength, and courage filled him with independence and determination. Whether you believed it or not, you were, (are) a good mother.14
After the funeral, at the wake you came over and took hold of me, and held me and cried, I knew you were trying to be strong, but who was going to be strong for you? You held it together well while there, you held your head high, you stood tall and strong when you felt others falling apart, but people would have understood if you broke down in tears, But that wasn’t you, never has or probably will be, but we can all only be strong for so long before it gets the best of us.15
It wasn’t even a week since the funeral that you had come back to work. We were all shocked at that, but you knew best no one could tell you different, you knew what was best for you. But was it? You started too lose weight, not that you could afford too. Your complexion began to fade, the once radiant woman we all knew began to fade into the background…16
You gently gave up, you wanted to do one last thing before you went back to the doctors for your results, you hadn’t been well for awhile but you didn’t care to admit it, still trying to be strong. You wanted to go on a cruise. So we all had a collection for you, and off we went. You became weaker as the time went on, you loved every bit of it, but before we went back you were too weak to get out of bed. I pleaded for you to let me get help take you home, but you didn’t want too. So we stayed.17
“Take me outside.” You asked me.18
“Are you sure? It’s cold outside.”19
“I want to go outside.” You were adamant.20
“Okay then.”21
I picked you up and carried you onto the deck, and sat you in one of the recliners. You had timed it just right, we were leaving the port, heading home, just as the sun was setting in the distance such a radiant glow, before it left us until the next day. The reds mixing with the cool blue of the sky cast a beautiful hue across the shore line.22
We looked up to the sky and there were hot air balloons in the warm tones of the sky as if highlighting it.23
“Look Charlie, do you see them?”24
“They’re beautiful aren’t they?” She replied.25
“Yes they are, are you cold?”26
They floated in the sky as if there were no weight attached, so free. I turned to her; her gaze was still on the balloons.27
“Hey look at the swans over there next to the boats.”28
She never turned her head, just kept looking at the sky. It was perfect the sky, the back drop, the cool ocean breeze on our faces.29
“I’m going to miss you.”30
“No more than I’m going to miss you.”31
“I’ll never forget you, not ever.”32
She managed to smile at me. I turned my face towards the oceans breeze as I sat and took in the sights.33
“I’m tired.”34
“That’s ok, I understand, you can go now, if you need to. I understand”35
I didn’t turn to face her; I kept my gaze on the ocean as tears rolled down my face. It was perfect timing, the sun shone its last light on us… As it had taken Charlie to play upon the breeze, to dance upon the waves. She was with her son now.36
I knew she had gone, yet I smiled as I died inside wanting to scream. But I smiled for her as I knew she was at peace now. With such serenity around it felt like it was like something out of a movie.37
Just wish I had woke up before she had died.38
Author notes
Okay so it was a dream. No my friend didn't die and I hope she doesn't for a long time. But it was a dream
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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touching
It was very realistic. Liked the O'Henry ending. The clarity was excellent. Don't shorten it, lengthen it if anything.beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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hey great write here chicki awwwwwww bless ya nylon tights sunshine!xoxoxox love from hannah beau the bestest girl in the whole wide world not u rowena airm u see the emphasis in my name there huh?huh?awww bless u did
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GREAT!
OMGS this made me cry LOL I'm such a sap! You did an excellent job on this story hun. And the ending!!!! A Dream! You got me
Very impressive, I'm still waiting for a book by you so hope to it will ya hehehe Great job my friend. Hugs and Blessings, Gypsy
PS. I shall get with you soon, sorry working OT again
I miss ya, take care of you 
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This is awesome... very heartfelt, whether or not it was a dream. You can sense the pain and emotion of the whole situation. I love this. awesome write hun.
*~CrystalClrBlood~* -
ah, I think I see where I got the characters confused. that first paragraph again... lol. the dilaog in it needs to be assigned to someone. it's up for grabs as it is now and the reader has to guess who said it. 50/50 chance and I picked wrong. that explains a lot of the dialog 'mistakes' I pointed out. as a rule, the first line from each character is usually assigned to that character to prevent confusion. after the dialog is established, normal conversation (lines beginning with " and ending with ") can be used.
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this is full of changes. your changing the perspective all through it. at first, it's you looking out of you, then it goes to you looking at both you and the other, then back again. it all needs to be the same. one or the other.
some spelling and punctuation errors.
in the smoking part, one of the dialog lines was mistaken as being from you when it should have been from the other.
the first line of the dialog in the cruise part is a question or a statement?
a nice story, sad and heartfelt. I'd suggest again, like your last story, add a few more details and flesh it out so the reader gets a sense of being there. poetry is a flowery, metaphorical world where as prose is a bit less demanding in that sense. prose needs a happy medium found between verbose and stagnant. paint the story with adjectives and details. add many if you want. I've found it's easier to take them out later and have a few to choose from in the process. -
AWWWWW this is so sweet lol bless ya cotton socks this is great thanks for remebering so much of ur drem for us
lol
Love from ur prettiest niece inn the full wide world Rowena Jo
See the emphasis but in my name!?!?!!? huh? huh? lol -
glad to hear it was just a dream...i enjoyed the read very much...held its ground fom start to finish..about all i can say....good job..worth the read..
~*~Blu~*~ -
Hey....great job. i felt the tears comin! You are such a talented writer! i'm soo glad this was only a dream!! Great job! byes! always, Sam
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I'm glad it was a dream Natalia, but until your author notes I wasn't sure. Strong friendship bonds are a priceless gift.
I didn't think it was too long as it is a story (with actual events) not a poem and you handled it beautifully. Your description of the sky as Charlie died is just beautiful. Well done matey.
~Von~
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I'm only into poetry but why not have a smoke if you want one
have to agree its a tad long but shall get back to ya later after all I did tick and do take care
~~Pauline -
Good job.
very nice, but a tad long.
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